Rude mum at playgroup

These things are contradictions:

1. You acknowledging that she is in a hitting phase

1. She wasn't going around and hitting the kids

1. She may have hit this woman's child and caused them to cry

Those statements cannot all be true.

I think YABU here. I had an 18 month gap between my two and managed to keep relatively on top of them. If you know your DC has a tendency to hit people, then you need to monitor them more closely. You can't just allow them to go around hitting people and brushing it off as normal toddler behaviour, nothing to be worried or upset about etc.

Mine didn't hit but if they had I would have been very firm with them every time - making them sit with me for a while and then try again etc ... I can understand her being annoyed - I know it is hard for you but if she is doing this, you need to stick close by her and be watching her whilst doing other things so it gets nipped in the bud

My son is almost 2 and went through a hitting phase a few months ago. At the time my daughter was 5 months. There is 14 months between them. It was a ballache because I was used to letting my lovely placid boy go off and play and not really having to watch him at playgroup giving me time with the baby. BUT as soon as I knew he was having this phase I put the baby in the sling and followed him around EVERYWHERE watching everything he did and stopping him BEFORE he hit out and talking to him firmly and telling him why it's not nice. 3 months later he is no longer in a hitting phase. It's annoying and hard work, but it has to be done.

And he is not my PFB, he's DC 3 and my second hitter. Agree with a pp though, it is harder as the mother of the hitter.

If I were the other Mum in your scenario I probably wouldn't have been as 'rude' as her because I'm not that bold. But if your daughter was going around hitting everyone and you hadn't noticed, I'd have been annoyed too and probably would have said something a bit more mildly.

I don't see anyone thinking their superior parenting has created perfect non-hitting children. My second is a biter. If she gets really frustrated or her brother takes toys off her she tries to bite him.. So I watch her like a hawk!! At our local playgroup, we attend weekly, I've actually said to the mums that my daughter is going through a biting phase and they're absolute right to remove her from a situation if it seems like she might bite. In addition to that I watch her while we're there. I would be mortified if she bit someone so I've done everything I can to prevent it and the other mums appreciate that.

I'd be pretty p'd off too, tbh, if another child was hitting mine (and possibly others - you've admitted she's going through a hitting stage) and I felt the mother wasn't supervising.

I have 5, 2 of them twins, so I know what's it's like to try to have eyes in the back of your head, but you can't use your younger child as an excuse. If the stage she's at is so difficult and you can't cope with both DCs, then take another adult with you to playgroup.

I wouldnt have reacted like that mummy , most mums have more sense but some are a bit sanctimommy...ive been addressed by one before and it made me rage, BUT....if your child is slappy mcslapp pants ...you do need to be hovering as annoying and tiring as it is its necessary,

Young Children hit each other.
It's not always the parents fault.
The children don't fully understand it's wrong and often lash out without any thought.

People need to chill out a wee bit.

Not really any more to add. I never had a hitter and it is so unbelievably annoying when they are hit by another child with no parent to intervene.

You need to be more aware of what your daughter is up to even if she is only two. If you know she hits other children then you need to keep an eye on her. Not surprised the other Mum was annoyed. I'd have been annoyed too.

My child never went through a hitting phase.

dailyfail

I would have tried to get you banned from the group for not supervising your child appropriately

Oh get a grip - that's both pathetic and spiteful. Not to mention an overreaction.

OP I'm sorry it's tough. I've had 4 toddlers. One was a hitter the others not, so I've been on both sides and honestly believe it's worse as mother of the hitter.

So many mothers of PFBs believing that their child's behaviour was due to better quality parenting.

OP keep an eye on your DC and ignore the rudeness.

mum who said my daughter was hitting all the kids ( she wasn't) and that she hit her girl and made her cry ( I didn't see it happen but maybe she did)

You didn't see it happen, you should have though. You have no idea if she hit many of the others, because you were clearly not looking. First hitting incident, take your child out of the group for a moment to calm down, then apologise. Second hit, hometime.

Otherwise they might just ask you to either stop coming or start supervising.

I think you need to be very aware of her behaviour - hitting another child isn't acceptable, and if she's allowed to get away with it even once, then you've set a benchmark that that is OK. Next time she does it, you calmly tell her "No, we don't hit and because you've done that, we need to leave". And repeat, she will soon learn that there are consequences to her behaviour. Let this carry on and it's a whole lot harder stopping a 4 year old. I had 3 under the age of 5 and it was a nightmare doing playgroup/play mornings as you can't take your eyes off them for a second.

How do you know how many children she hit? She hit one child and made her cry. How many does she need to hit before you intervene? Maybe the other child's mother was pissed off because she had to come and tell you that your child was hitting others.

She shouldn't have been rude to you but you really do need to be watching a 2 year old very closely, especially as you know she hits. You can't use your other child as an excuse.

Sorry but mine were 19 months apart in age & yes it was hard at the start. But neither of mine were 'hitters' and I would have been upset if they had been hit by another child.
There are some stereotypes that need to be challenged e.g. oh all girls are bitchy/all boys are a nightmare and can't sit still/all toddlers hit other kids.
You were rude to not be monitoring her behaviour. Not ALL toddler hit out.

if that should say (instead of when)

What action do you normally take when you see your child hitting another Jellybean?

Yeah sorry but I'm with the other posters you need to be close enough to her at all times to stop her doing it. I've got 4dc and yes lots of children do go through the hitting/ biting stage but you know she is hitting at the moment so you need to be near her at all times. I know it's hard with a baby too (I had 3 under 4) but maybe you need to give playgroup a swerve until it stops if you can't stay with her.

If you know your daughter is in a hitting phase then you need to be closely monitoring her behaviour.

^ this

Hmmm, sorry luckiest. I'm all for good manners, but if another child made mine cry and the parent was not only nowhere near but made some 'oh but it's so haaaaard with two' bleating, I too would reserve the right to be somewhat... terse.

I'm sorry but you sound a little too relaxed on the hitting front for my liking. A hitting phase is not unusual but if your child is doing it you should be watching them like a hawk, whether you have another child with you or not. If you can't do that, then unfortunately you should have a break from playgroup for a while. You sound as though you think it's just one of those things, which it isn't really.

A group I have been going to for a long while has massively changed dynamic recently on account of a toddler going on similar rampages. Mum has recently had a baby. Hard for her, hard for the toddler, hardest of all for the children who are getting hit and their hair pulled, and the parents who are trying their best to be understanding but also wanting to cry at how hurt their children are getting.

Maybe she was rude and aggressive cos you weren't monitoring your kid who is apparently in the hitting phase. I don't blame her, I'd be pissed off too.

YABU. A lot of parents manage to supervise their toddler and take care of a younger baby. We all know sometimes kids will lash out, that's why parents should be there supervising them and if for some reason you're not supervising, you can't really complain if you're approached by a pissed off parent. It really annoys me when a child hurts one of my kids and their parent isn't even watching them. Just supervise your kids!