Rude mum at playgroup

Mouth
Yep. Being hit and made to cry constantly is really character building isn't it?

Lots of judging here which is surprising. I would have thought every child goes through stages of hitting biting and being socially unpleaseAnt. Yes mums should supervise but at the same time I feel that too much supervision will prevent the " victims" from learning to stick up for themselves. There is so much helicopter parenting I'm sure it's delaying kids abilities to learn socially acceptable behaviour naturally.

'Teething' is a phase that children go though. 'Hitting' is not. Honestly, YABU.

You may have apologised but then you immediately tried to give an excuse why you weren't supervising. You should have got her to apologise and the other mother shouldn't have had to tell her to.
You really need to supervise her better as if you know she's hitting then it isn't an isolated thing.

RB68
Maybe she will.
And maybe she won't pass it off a 'stage that they all go through'.
Because they don't.

I

The manner was perhaps abrupt and aggressive but maybe your child has been consistently hitting her child? It was annoy me too but it's something for playgroup to be sorting out really.

Op reverse the situation and your dd is being hit by another child whos mum made the excuse she had two to look after. How would you feel. Sorry op but you across as rude not the lady. If your child is going through a hitting phase you need to be with her 24/7 at the playgroup, putting baby in sling if necessary.

I don't think it's possible to say you are or not being unreasonable. It really depends on what your DD has been up to.

I remember at one playgroup I went to their was a fraught mother of twins who may have had some sort of SN (I didn't ask as none of my business obviously). Anyhow her DDs were continually violent towards the other DC. They kept running up behind one of my younger DC with their hands stretched out sending her flying. They repeatedly did and seemed oblivious to my DCs crying and to adults telling them to stop. They were also violent to other kids mostly shoving and hitting but occasional biting too. The Mum would try and stop her DDs but it never worked. I told her in as polite and tactful way possible that if she couldn't stop her DDs from injuring other kids then perhaps she shouldn't come. There was no one running the group so I couldn't go to someone in charge. It was a collective thing. I didn't say anything other than if she was unable to stop her kids injuring others then she shouldn't come. It was awkward but I felt my responsibility was my own kids safety.

I tried to be nice about it but however you say it it sounds harsh.

Yes, hitting is a phase lots of little people go through. As a parent you have to be proactive and consistent with the child. It's no good calling them out one out of three times. Each and every time you have to be consistent with your response. Supervision is essential.

I can appreciate you have your hands full OP, but, you seriously can not take your eye off the ball.

Yes, it is tough being the parent of a hitter/kicker/biter. Yes the child's mother shouldn't of been rude, but, I'm hazarding a guess here...she was probably at the end of her tether.

Be firm, be consistent and you'll have a better behaved child in the long run. That said, if you are doing everything physically/humanly possible and the aggressive behaviour continues? Speak to your HV, because there might be an underlying issue.

Good luck

You need to supervise your child at all times. Having a younger child is no excuse.

I have a close age gap between my two

Luckily my oldest has never been a biter, hitter, pincher or anything

My youngest on the other hand seems to have got his temper and his sisters missions violence

I have to watch him very closely

Whilst I sympathise that yours are the other way around and younger, you do need to supervise her better

What consquences is she getting?

You're child hit somebody. You weren't even aware of her behaviour. Two wrongs. And yet you still are whining that someone was rude to you. Take a reality check. About time somebody took you to task.

Karma is good at payback. She will have a biter.

I'd just like to clarify this is not something all kids do. You say "she's at that age where she likes to hit other kids" as if it's something they all do and it's not. Yes some do, but you need to manage it and fast and ensure it's something she learns is not ok.

This sounds like your child is hitting a lot and that's on you, I'm sorry, to manage. I wouldn't have approached you at first, but if your daughter had hit mine and it was a repeated behaviour I'd witnessed then yes I'd approach you and have a word and telling me it was tough with two wouldn't have cut it because it feels like that's minimising.

I don't know if you've been hit and made to cry, but I can assure you it's unacceptable at any age, to either be the hitter or the person being hit.

I don't say that to be sanctimonious. They all do horrible stuff, My daughter at two started to spit. I've no idea where she saw it, and I was beyond horrified and embarassed, but can assure you she did it no more than twice before she very strongly got the message she wouldn't be doing it again. And she didn't. It's one of the few times I raised my voice to her and meant it. Sometimes you need to take control and teach them what's not acceptable.

She was rude, but she didn't have to be more understanding as such. She felt aggrieved. Maybe your DD hit her DD really hard. Maybe she was just an aggressive kind of person. You don't know if she was being genuinely unreasonable because you weren't watching.

I think the problem is that you haven't yet adapted to 2 in a playgroup type setting. You really do need to develop the eyes in the back of your head. You won't sit down, chat and play nicely with your DCs nearly as much as you did before, because you will be either carrying one around all the time or running from one to the other. That's how it is with 2. Multitasking exhaustion! You can't leave one to play and assume it will all go ok, you have to be holding one and looking at the other (from not too far away so you can step in and intervene).

It's a bit like when you're pregnant, you can't imagine the lack of lie-ins or sleep with a new baby. When you are expecting your 2nd baby, you can't imagine the lack of sitting, chatting and pleasant one-to-one play you've got used to with your first baby! It really is that much hard work! (but, great).

If I were the mum, it would depend on how you responded when I told you your child had hit mine. If you were apologetic, expressed concern for my DC and swiftly disciplined your own (told them off and/or took them out, not just told them it was not very nice) then I wouldn't mind at all - these things happen. But if I got the impression of you brushing it off, which from what you said it sounds like it may have come across that way to her, then I would have been pissed off too.

Being a toddler does not mean biting and hitting.

DC2 was bitten by another child at a toddler group. The mum was in there with a swift apology before I really knew what was happening. Makes a big difference that way round.

and I am sorry but 'that stage where she likes to hit other kids'? so you know thatt she does it, you think it is a normal stage of development, and you are not watching her?
Sorry but I would have been rude too.

Obviously hittings a bit of a problem but I don't see what ranting on was going to achieve.

Kids can hit she sounds a bit deranged tbh.

She shouldn't have been rude, but she was probably fed up, OP, and rightfully so.

It sounds like you don't actually know if your daughter was hitting the other children or not ... she may well have been if you didn't even see her hit the woman's child and made her cry. You weren't supervising your child enough who you know is having issues with acting out and hitting other children.

I remember going to a playgroup back when mine were little, and there was a big hitter there, happily going around snatching toys, hitting and pushing children while his mother had a chat and drank tea with a group of other mothers who couldn't be bothered to keep an eye on their poorly behaved children either. I was furious. And so were the other mothers who were actually supervising their children.

I told the playgroup organizers what I thought of the situation and never went back to that particular group.

I have 3 that are close in age by the way. You have to keep an eye out for trouble, even when it's hard. That's your job.

I can't imagine most mums being so confrontational unless they've seen your DD do it a lot without much in the way of tellings off.

If you're finding it tricky to keep track of DD because the playgroup is crowded/in too large a venue, maybe scout around for a smaller one in your area - myself and a mum of multiples use "my" playgroup for this reason. The volunteers at my playgroup are also lovely and do help hold/watch babies while mum wrangles the older toddler etc.

Well if your DD regularly goes round hitting kids you need to be following her closely behind with your eyes peeled. Maybe the mother had had enough after her DD had been on the receiving end for quite a while.

My son who is a slightly passive/placid used to be at the receiving end of a chunk of kicking, biting in playgroups. I would jump in and remove him before he got upset but I always appreciated it if the other parent would leap in and tell their child to stop etc. I also know it's a phase but it won't disappear magically unless the other parent is pro-active about it. And in the meanwhile it's the kid who is not as boisterous who is at the receiving end of this. I know 2 under 2 is hard. Maybe she shouldn't have been rude. But she was probably waiting for the Mum to come and stop your kid from doing whatever she was and had finally had enough.

PS I was once at a softplay thing. DS was 11 months so could stand but needed to hold on to stuff. This 2 year old appeared out of nowhere and grabbed and hit the little girl in front of him. She gave as good as she got but also then moved away. Then he moved towards my son and in a flash had scratched his cheek so badly there was a bloody gash. I was a few feet away and by the time I jumped in he had moved on to the next child. So anyway I was sitting on my sofa consoling my utterly hysterical child and noticing that this kid was causing havoc. Then in came the other. She had gone for a nice relaxing cup of tea and breezes in going 'oh darling don't do that' while there is a string of hysterical kids in his wake.

waves at OP

You can come join me in the bad mummy corner.

My DD was a prolific biter. Anyone and everyone. It was mortifying, and despite supervising her as well as I could (arthritis), she would still chuffing manage it. But maybe with some of the responses here, I shouldn't have taken her to groups if I wasn't able to stop her being a toddler.

If it helps, she's a lovely wee thing now. Very empathetic (maybe too much so) and extremely caring towards others. There's light at the end of tunnel.