Rude mum at playgroup

I stopped going to a playgroup because of this. Dd was on the receiving end of a naughty little shit repeatedly. The full-on slap across the face with large toy that knocked DD to the ground was the final straw.
You know your toddler is likely to hit out, you need to be in there before it happens. As much as anything else you should be showing her how to react appropriately, teaching and reassuring her in real time, not after the event.
If you can't adequately supervise your kids when you're out then stay home until you can.

I tend to agree with the majority of other pp's on this one.

I do have a hitter and kicker, biter, puncher, toy thrower and because I know what he is like, if we go to toddler groups I keep my eyes on him at all times! Because I know he has a short fuse and I know I will need to step in to diffuse a toddler-issue at any moment. You need to watch her all the time OP, regardless of having another child. If you can't watch them both, either don't go, or just take one of them if possible.

Meh.
Absolving yourself of responsibility by pretending there's nothing you can do as it's a 'phase' is pretty unhelpful too

hose of you saying none of your children ever hit are very unhelpful.

People are replying to someone stating that ALL toddlers hit. It's not true. You can't say that's it's a natural thing to justify an unacceptable behaviour. If your child hits, you are behind and if you are too late to prevent it, at least apologise and discipline him. You are not doing your child any favour by telling him that being a bully is a good thing.

Cran people are trying to support, they are replying to mouth who said surely every child goes through a hitting stage when it's clear they don't.

No one is saying that a toddler going through a hitting stage is dreadful, they're saying inadequate supervision of a child going through a hitting stage is bad

Those of you saying none of your children ever hit are very unhelpful. Children have different temperaments. I thought this was a supportive place.

Mine have been known to knock each other on the odd occasion, but I can categorically say they have never hit nor bitten another child. They're far from perfect, but that's not some every child does.

That's not to say that it isn't a normal.phase, it is, but it is still one that has to be monitored and discouraged.

Not all children hit or bite at all. (Coming from a CM of ten yrs)

It does stem from frustration, usually, but it doesn't mean that it's ok. Try getting your child to 'use her words'. Encourage sharing and turn taking, and dish out over the top praise when she does this well.

It's unfortunate this mom was rude to you, but Imagine you were the parent of a child who had been hit OP, you would expect that parent to be watching them like a hawk, and if that is not possible for you with two, perhaps give play groups a miss for a while? Not that that's the solution, but I think unless you are going to tackle the behaviour head on, it's best your DD doesn't go there.

My DD was bitten frequently by the same girl at a stay and play session aside from being upset at seeing my child hurt, I was so frustrated that the mother never seemed to be on top of the behaviour, I asked the children centre supervisor to deal with it in the end, as my intervention wasn't enough to get the mom to react.

None of my four DC ever hit or bit and they were close in age. They could be mean to each other but have never hit or bite.

I think the mother had a point, you need to supervise her more, no matter how hard it is.

I went to soft play, was grabbing DS's cup, an older toddler hit him and the mum just said "Oh I'm trying to stop him from doing that."
While DS is howling and it took weeks before he went near any child when we were out again despite me trying to coax him.

If you know your child is hitting others then you need to be there to stop it happening. Its not just about your child as its not bothering them but the ones they're actually hitting.

At that stage
she does it usually
Yes, constantly.

Mouth I hope my child never encounters one of yours.

Or me you.

You are having a hard time on this thread OP. A good technique with a hitter is to have a rule that you will leave if they hit. You have to follow through so that as soon as they hit you leave (soft play, playgroup, playground friends house etc). It sounds awful and inconvenient but it usually works pretty quickly to stop the unwanted behaviour. Other parents will be supportive too. Give it a try.

"Constantly "
?

I also don't mind if other kids do hit out or something as long as the parents are there and deal with it. I don't think anyone expects all toddlers not to hit out but just want them adequately supervised

Mouth my daughter is on the quiet and timid end of the scale. She isn't a hitter and is often the one that is hit. I let her get on with playing at playgroups but I always keep an eye on her and the kids around as I (and she) would rather she wasn't bitten or smacked in the mouth! She has been on the receiving end of a bite at nursery and it was really awful and she remembered it for a long while afterwards. I don't think it's helicopter parenting to know what's going on because I like to know whether she's moaning because of being hit or just because she's a toddler.

I don't think EVERY child goes through a hitting/biting stage -luckily mine didn't and my nieces and nephews haven't. I don't think it's the parent's fault BUT I think the huge difference is how situations like that are handled. Trotting out excuses isn't great. An apology and action is what other parents want. If you are fully aware your child is in a hitting stage, then hell yes, helicopter parent.

I would have thought every child goes through stages of hitting biting and being socially unpleaseAnt

You think wrong, it is absolutely untrue.

You also mistake helicopter parenting and people with basic manners who supervise their children and teach them how to behave.

Surely eventually she'll just do it to the wrong child and get one in return too.

Mouth what a load of nonsense! My dds never hit or bit another child, they were very placid toddlers and as their mother I certainly wouldn't have stood by whist another child hit them, so they could "learning to stick up for themselves".

Closely watching a two year old is not "helicopter parenting".

Mouth not judging but out of all my children of which there are 6 we have never had a hitting or biting stage as it just wouldn't have been acceptable they may have bit or hit once or twice but it was dealt with at the first so never became a stage but a one off incident.

Over years and years of playgroups (5 DCs aged between 25-6) the only time I ever raised my voice at a drop in was in a similar situation to the one in the OP.

Honestly, I am really tolerant. You have to be when you have had lots of kids. I understand that kids go through phases and am usually very pragmatic about hitting, biting etc.

On this occasion I was really upset. This child had been coming for a few weeks. My DC was about 6 months. Every week the child had managed to smack, kick or push some kids. This week she went up to my baby and scratched him across the face.

I wasn't angry at the child who was only about 18mths old, I was fecking furious at the mother.

It can't have been nice for her to have me raise my voice but it was bloody horrible for me to have to comfort a screaming baby and look at that scratch on his face.

You may not have seen what was going on if you were busy with your baby and it may be that the mother had been stewing for a while before she blew up.

OR she may be gobby and quick to anger but you run the risk of being on the wrong end of someone's gobbiness if you don't keep an eye on a 'hitter'

" I would have thought every child goes through stages of hitting biting and being socially unpleaseAnt "

to their brothers and sisters perhaps but not to random children at playgroup, no, definitely not.
And stopping a child from attacking others is NOT 'helicopter parenting' it is just 'parenting'.

Never had the hitting or biting stage here either but I think that is luck and fact DS is rather introverted so tends to run and cry rather than attack.