Rude mum at playgroup

She does it usually when she thinks other kids are taking her toys
Also, her toys,as in a toy in her hand at the time, or her toys, as in, a toy over the other side of the room she's played with before at some point in the past?
I just can't see a long line of kids queueing up to snatch toys off of a known hitter...

Agree with previous posters that hitting isn't a phase. It's a behavioural problem that some kids have that needs to be managed and resolved by the parent. Maybe the girl's communication skills aren't where they should be at 2 which is why she can't get on with the other kids. Really doesn't matter what the problem is, you should be actively supervising her.

Sorry op but I agree with pp.

My ds has recently come out of a biting phase.
If we went to play groups I watched over him like a hawk and didn't take him if was more likely to lash out (tired, hungry etc).

When you know they are going through something like this you need to stop them before they hurt other children.

It absolutely should not have taken another mother telling you what had happened for you to intervene. You should have done that before she hit any kid. Never mind some.

I would have been curt too. Pay attention to your child op.

Not sure what you want posters to say OP

Probably best, OP. You don't want advice, you want someone to reassure you that your poor parenting choice today was ok.

This isn't the huns club. You fucked up, you've got some good advice, you are rejecting said advice...

Honestly if dc is in a 'hitting phase' you need to be in a skipping toddler group and managing behaviour phase.

Hitting phase is a thing. But it is only a phase when it is DEALT with correctly. Otherwise it is the start of a character trait.

It is also not a stage of development. Some kids hit. Some bite. Some are angels until mamas back is turned

It is not normal, there is a reason. Lift your head from the sand and see that. If you aren't coping with two you need to seek help. Nobody is a mind reader.

Watch your damn kids. And if you can't and know they hit other kids then stop going to places where there are kids for them to hit. Fuck me it's like rocket science.

You didn't know she'd hit this child till you were told, so how do you know she hadn't been hitting all the others. Parents who don't bother to parent really ruin these groups.

Sounds like there was a rude mum alright and it wasn't the one who had to tell someone else that her child was doing the hitting.

If you know your kid hits, you can't just leave them to their own devices. You need to keep a careful eye on them. And why would she automatically be understanding and it be a shared experience? Not every child does hit. Some kids hit and are taught not to, some kids (lucky parents) don't ever hit.
I would have thought you'd be more understanding of the fact that she is upset that her child has been hurt by another child, who according to her had been hitting others too and wasn't stopped.

I have seen a few times now, parents thinking others should just understand and accept their child hurting another child, I think it's ridiculous. I've seen parents approach the parent of the hitter, just to be told "oh she's only 3, she doesn't know yet"
Yes...that makes it ok then
If another child was hurting your child, I wonder if you'd be as understanding as you expect others to be.

Yes, it's hard keeping an eye on two, but you already know that, and you also know you have a child who hits others. So either avoid these places unless you have help with you, or leave the little one at home.
You can't expect people to be ok with their child being hurt and it looking like the parent is doing nothing about it.

I can't see why the other parent got frustrated. Not at all.

Oh grow a pair op.

Another parent should not have had to come and tell you she was doing this.

If your child is a hitter you don't sit down, you follow them everywhere. It's very simple. I had 6 kids in 8 years. Only one was a biter and when at toddler group I stuck to her like glue with a baby strapped to me. It's not bloody rocket science. However I was amazed by the amount of parents and cm who happily ignored their charges whilst they sat down and chatted.

The thing is that you asked and we answered.

You should have been watching your child. Another parent should not have had to come and tell you she was doing this.
You don't know what your child was doing. Nor do you know how she was hitting. Nor do you know how many times she was hitting the other child and how many times she made her cry.

If you cannot effectively supervise your child then you have to look at ways to resolve this.

Yes it's hard. My middle one was a hitter. Older sibling would be rampaging around the place ), middle one would want to batter anyone who looked at her, and youngest was a few months old. I couldnt do it and unless I had something in place for the youngest, we didn't go.
Same with the library sessions if no one to help we didn't go because of the oldest.
Plus many other activities at difficult child times.

DS1 never really went through a hitting phase; he just couldn't be arsed with it all. DS2 more than made up for it by being a bit of a bollocks for a while. We used to go to a couple of playgroups with some genuinely lovely children but he took against one and it seemed like every week he would either hit or get into scrapes with this kid. It's not for everyone but I would remind him before that he needed to remember his kind hands and the minute he hit or shoved, we'd leave. It's harsh and cut my nose off for a couple of weeks because I was going mad at home with an irate 2 year old. However, it only took a couple of emergency rugby-ball-style carry-outs and he cut out the hitting. Which proved that he was absolutely in control of it.

Try just calmly packing up and saying "we're going home because you hurt x". Don't go batshit, don't do forced apologies (they mean sweet fa to small children) and don't bang on about it afterwards. Just pack up and leave. She'll work it out quickly enough. As pp's have suggested, it's not a massive issue unless it's allowed to continue long-term.

and know that hovering adults often make children tense and more likey to hit

AIBU?
Vast majority: YES
OP: No I'm not!

Why ask?!

Sorry but to 'confront' your toddler is not going to be effective.
You need to prevent the hitting by close supervision. If that's impossible, you need to remove her from the situation.ie take her home.

As soon as the woman told me my girl was hitting I got up
I think the overwhelming response you got was that that was a bit late. You just don't want to hear it.

The point is you should have stopped her before she hurt anyone not after. It shouldn't have taken someone else to tell you.

And I've never seen a 'hitter' take a smack back without screaming like they'd been shot.

Even hitting some of the kids is enough. A 5 month old isn't a newborn, honestly you remind me so much of the mum I knew. This is giving me rage flashbacks.

Don't let your child hit other children, if you think she will then don't put her in the situation where she has a chance to do it. Children don't feel safe if they see someone they know will likely hit them. It really isn't fair to inflict that on them.

I have 3 none of them hit, but, one of them was liable to have massive tantrums about sharing, I never relaxed at toddler groups while he was in that phase, I literally could not take my eyes off him for about 6 months. That is what you need to do, it will help you to defend her if she is accused in the wrong, and it will help you to intervene if she is hitting.

YABU I had a newborn, 2 year old and 3 year old but still managed to watch my kids at playgroups etc.

As others said you can't use the excuse of a baby for not watching, especially if you know the child has a hitting problem you should be paying even closer attention