Rude mum at playgroup

Love how this thread was created 9 years ago, and bares no relevance to the OP now, but the same old problems are now someone else's problem. I got shouted at, at playgroup yesterday because my just turned 2 year old touched someone else's water bottle. And yet if I was to create a new thread about what happened to me, I could just copy and paste the responses on here it would amount to the same thing. So why bother? Just reserect a zombie thread instead. General consensus on here is your a bad mother for having a normal 2 year old behaved child. How is your 11 year old hitter by the way op? Bet the toddler years are long forgotten about now for you. Please have a little thought for some of us that are still going through it, and hope you don't mind I reserected your thread. Your responses on here are the reason I did not start my own lol.x

16/12/2016 22:20 Jellybean14

Ok this is probably why I never post on mumsnet! Some of you have been downright rude and judgemental. Some have been more understanding. Anyway this is the first and last time I'll ever. One on here

YABVU. You are being advised to watch your child. If your DC hits, it's your job to be up there supervising. If you're not doing that, other parents will complain.

One of mine was a hitter and I had 2 close together. There were many months of hoiking out of soft play/groups etc. I stopped going to soft play for about 6 months as it was too stressful and I'd have to hover over him constantly.

He's way, way past that now and is kind and considerate.

However, one thing that irked me in the period that he hit was that he only hit when children took toys away from him that he was playing with. He has a speech issue and couldn't form the sounds to say no.

Because I always hovered over him, I could always intervene but what I found astonishing and still do, is how many parents may not have a hitter/biter but do have a child that will merrily take toys away from other children repeatedly and don't intervene. It's linked behaviour imo and equally negative.

So op, you have to take control. Hitting/ biting/snatching is all undesirable behaviour. But better to deal with it now than when they're older. Good luck.

Sounds like you need to be firmer, sorry.
I would sternly tell her that hitting is very mean and if she hits anyone again you will be going home.
I hated it when my kids were at toddler group and got hit/bitten and their prissy parents would just tell then 'not to be mean' in a pathetic voice . . . . to which the child would pay no attention to and keep doing it.

Sorry to be harsh, but sometimes you gotta be firm.

Awwlook It's really not about the toddler hitting the baby, it's about the fact that the mother sits there crying "It's not my fault, having two children exempts me from parenting"

All that over reaction over a baby hitting a baby. FGS. I mean if your dd was say around 6 and hitting a 2 year old I'd understand the women. Kids do hit and push each other. Its just a part of growing up and development. It never bothered me one iota that, my child being hit.
She's on about a baby being aggressive yet. Squaring up to you and demanding not requesting that a 2 year old apologises. When she probably doesn't even know what she's apologising for. I'd say smacks of aggression.
Also if your dd did as she says. Hit every single child. Could their parent's not have spoke up themselves.

No excuse, OP.

There are 12 months between my youngest two. My focus was on my toddler more than the baby.

Why post on AIBU if you don't want to hear the answers? It's not a 'validate me' forum, it's called Am I Being Unreasonable and it's called that for good reason!

When dd was a little horror, I found it sent a reassuring message to the other parents if I was not only seen to follow her closely, but would actually walk straight out of any meeting (after apologising) the moment she hit someone. I don't know if it changed dd's behaviour in any way, but if you were the parent of the other child I imagine you would notice a difference between:

a) I am so sorry, dd we are going home NOW (message: I am doing what I can)

and

b) well, you can't really expect me to supervise, I do have two children, you know (message: I have no intention of trying to do anything about it)

It's not really 'Judgey' to expect parents to parent though, is it Mammy?

'Tis a waste of flowers in any case, OP has decided MN is mean, and I doubt she'll be back

If your child is constantly hitting other children maybe the playgroup isn't in her best interest? 2 year olds don't play with other children anyway they just play alongside them. She may be better in the calmer home environment where she can be better monitored. It isn't normal for toddlers to hit all the time and if you insist on putting her in an environment where she hits then you need to monitor her better.

I would be totally p**d off if my toddler was hit constantly because the parent wasn't supervising.

mammylamb are you a hun? Did you wander over from another forum? I am not a mummy btw, yuk, horrible term.

Take the advice offered and don't be so dismissive. Millions, actual millions of women have more than one or two kids and I would hazard a guess that they can manage supervision of their kids.
You're not special. I also doubt that it was "shocking"
Stop your kid from menacing and start paying attention before you become that mother

You came on here asking AIBU, you are. Stop sulking because you didn't get the response you wanted

Stop the cycle now, be a big girl and teach your kids

Feeling we can only hope

Well OP has gone.... Hopefully she's gone to supervise her 3yo.....

I have a DD the same age, and 8 month twins and manage fine to take them to play groups whilst still being able to ensure my DD is not running rampant hitting other people's children.
Another mother goes to the same group and sits on her phone whilst her son bites other kids a few of the mums have told her and she denies it - she didn't see because she's stuck to her phone.
Having two is no excuse, it just means you have two children to watch and if you can't handle your children in such an environment, perhaps you should look for a smaller group where you can watch your child.

Learn from this and things should improve.

The reason pp have a stick up their arse concerns is that OP isn't planning on doing anything of the sort. Her arse must be sore from the victim pants she is wearing.

My son was a hitter as well. I had to keep on top of things but it wasn't easy. He is 7 now and a good kind boy. He stopped doing it when he started nursery. It sounds like you were doing the right thing. Some people have a stick up their arse. Learn from this and things should improve.

Well I agree that overall yabu and should have been closely supervising , TBH I wouldn't have felt comfortable not being up and about with my children at that age but I was a bit clingy ... however lots of children hit , I disagree with one of the above saying it's a sign of something wrong I think it can often be a sign of frustration or 'communication ' doesn't mean it's acceptable but a stage you'll both get through! If your not able to be close to dc for whatever reason it may be best to just avoid it completely for now and stick to play dates at a friends house until your dc learns hitting isn't acceptable behaviour. I'm guessing the other mum witnessed other behaviour which went unseen hence her prolonged anger? There's some good suggestions on here hope things improve!

Why did you find being approached so "shocking"? By your own admission, your child may have been hitting the other woman's child but you don't know because you weren't watching her.
How much attention does a non mobile 5 month old need that you completely lose track of what your older child is doing?
You were the one in the wrong here, completely.

I was at the park with my DS in the summer, child aged approx 3 kicked DS in the stomach (luckily not hard enough to cause any harm), parent/carer of child was nowhere to be seen. So I told child off and asked him to apologise, at which point parent miraculously appears and has a go at me for raising my voice to her child! No concern at all as to whether my DS was ok.
OP imagine if the shoe was on the other foot: if your DD was hit by another child and you approached the parent would you feel happy if they brushed it off by saying 'oh sorry it's so hard with 2'

An awful lot of the mummies on this page must have very sore bottoms. Because their judgey pants have been hoiked so far up theirs arses they have got the mother of all wedges. OP have some flowers; sounds like you're having a bit of a crappy time

Sorry OP but I do think YAB a bit U. You basically say that you didn't see your DD hit the other child as you were pre occupied with your 5 month old. I would hazard a guess that the other mum in question has seen your child lash out at her/someone else's child previously without you being aware because you weren't supervising her and today was the last straw.
The bottom line is, children do need to be adequately supervised at playgroups by their parents and any unwanted behaviour dealt with by the parent immediately. None of us are perfect parents, but as I said it sounds like you have missed seeing your DD hit out at another child on more than 1 occasion which caused this mum to get riled up. Also saying 'it's hard with 2' isn't going to generate much sympathy from other parents, especially if one of them is only 5 months old. It isn't as though you have a 2 year old AND a 3/4 year old who are both very energetic and boisterous and at other ends of the room all the time, the 5 month old isn't exactly going to be very mobile at this stage so it shouldn't really be that hard to keep an eye on the 2 year old aswell

My daughter was a hitter at that age too. To her it was a game and she loved any attention she got from it so all I could do was be right next to her all the time catching her just before she struck. She would usually get big eyes and hold her hand up for a few seconds just before so it was easy to step in.
I remember once being interrogated by a mother asking me how long my daughter has been a bully. At the time I just explained how I was trying to combat her behaviour but it grated on me all that day. It was the first time my child had ever been labeled a bully and she wasn't even 2 then. I stopped taking her to playgroups after that as I got paranoid thinking all the other mums felt the same.
It's hard when your child has a feisty nature and you can't stop them from wanting to lash out but you have to make sure that other children don't get hurt.