To be a bit gutted that DS is now not going to uni and has got a full-time job in Sainsbury's?

Can he defer his place for a year and give Sainsbury's a bash for that time?

I'd suggest this. A year in retail may make him think twice. He'll be able to hold a place for next year and gain some work/life experience (and maybe put some money aside) in the meantime.

I think he's clever - he won't have a massive debt for a degree that won't really help him be a counsellor. He can do voluntary work and start doing part-time counselling courses while at Sainsbury's and that will be much more help to him.

I used to work in HR for one of the big supermarkets. The best and most successful and well liked store managers were the ones who had started off as shelf fillers/trolley collectors/cashiers. I had access to regional salary data at the time (10-15yrs ago) and the experienced store managers were all earning £60k+ with some of them on over £100k.

People on MN tend to write off retail jobs as crap but there is definitely the potential for good earnings in the long run.

Neither of my kids went straight to Uni. My daughter had several jobs including a high flying year as B.A. Cabin Crew, and now at 21 she has decided she wants to go to Uni and will be starting next month Likewise my son, just going into his third year aged 23.

I won't tell you how old I was when I did my degree, but it was a lot older than either of my kids. I did all sorts before then.

They change their minds all the time - a couple of years at Sainsbury's and he might get pissed off, or he might do really well and end up with a great career.

He's making a choice now , but it doesn't mean it's forever.

Psychology is actually one of the most over subscribed courses in this country. A lot of people I've met in my years of working have completed and got brilliant grades at university in this subject, but have ended up in completely unrelated job roles because there is very very little opportunity open to you unless you are willing to take on a Masters or registered with the BPS and continue education. I'm not saying it's a "dead" degree, because it's not, and can lead into incredible things, but it's VERY common and as a consequence, there are far more graduates coming out with very high marks than there are job opportunities.

I think your son has actually made a pretty shrewd move. He can defer his place, or better still, remove his application and keep it on the back burner. He has a decent set of grades there, which he can use whether he's 18, 21 or 30. He won't have to restudy, unless he needs a higher grade. He will automatically be considered, and won't have to go through the conditional/unconditional fight that often stresses kids out.

He can work for a year, or two, or 3 weeks - either way, he's not sitting around doing nothing, and it will give him time to recharge after taking 4 A Levels - it sounds as if he's had a pretty intensive time of things and if I'm honest, I would actually recommend he doesn't go to University - he sounds as if more study/educational environment may tip him over the edge of jacking it all in together.

I get why you are gutted - you've paid money for private tuition and it must be a bit galling to hear him say he now wants to do something unrelated. But this is your son's life - his choice, not yours. If he needs to work for a year before realigning his plans (and btw, most 18 year olds I've met who pick Psychology as a degree, often end up wanting to do something entirely unrelated at 25), then what is wrong with that, really? He's working, he's ambitious. He sounds pretty switched on

PS - My brother is not a graduate and has worked his way up to be store manager. He's on a cracking wage - he started when he bombed out of Uni at 18 because he wasn't ready. He's now ready to go back to Uni and is going to do Politics, and with the savings he has combined with the perks he's received, he can do it far, far more easily than he could have done at 18

If he doesn't feel studying is for him, that's fair enough and it's a wise decision, he just needs to be sure of the career path Sainsburys can offer him.

If he's okay to study but he just thinks working is a quicker route to management, this is not necessarily the case.

If he gets a good degree he can get onto a graduate management scheme - and at that level the retailer can choose from the best group of students possible and the level of time and money invested in the graduate is higher, so the money can be pretty good, the training is varied and more structured and the career route is more certain. I'm not sure if Sainsburys do one but would be surprised if they didn't. It's an option.

Good for him, ambition a career path and confident to speak his own mind and say enough I don't want X I want Y. That's your job done and done well I would be proud of him.

A year of long hours, early starts and short holidays he may reconsider.

I know, it sounds hard after supporting him through his education, but he is still very young, education does not stop at 18. He might decide to continue later on when he is more mature. If he wants to do counselling, the more life experience, the better imho. I would like to become a clinical psychologist, and have a BA/good Msc in Health psychology, plus, at 40 some life experience under my belt. I think now, as I am older, I will make a better psychologist, than when I was in my early 20's, I have 2 kids with SN, one with ASD, and learning difficulties and the other with dev delay, I have worked with adults who have learning disabilities pre kids.

Mabey its better if he waits, and sees what he really wants to do, he can go to uni at any age if he wants.

you need to congratulate him on his job and let him follow his own path, but make sure he sees reality too.

That means paying a reasonable amount to you for rent/food etc, being independent buying own clothes, doing own laundry etc.

Once the shine wears of retail and he realises he cant afford the luxuries in life (gadgets/phone contracts/car and insurance etc) he'll start thinking of what to do next.

Let him work in Sainsbury's and he may still change his mind when he realises he will be staking shelves for a while before any career progression.

3 years ago, the night before his A level results DS1 decided he wasn't going to uni. He got AAA but said he was following his dream of joining the army. He deferred the place for a year, while he went through the application process. I wasn't disappointed in the least. It's the best thing he's ever done and I've never seen him as happy.

Maybe your son is taking time to get his thoughts together? He might think that he won't cope with uni as he needed so much tutoring to get through his A levels Or he might just want a year out to mature a bit and save some money. That's not a bad thing. Uni isn't the be all and end all of life.

My mantra to my dc throughout GCSEs and A levels and beyond has always been to try and keep as many doors open as possible. Your ds certainly isn't closing any doors by taking the job. I do understand how you feel but he has some very respectable A levels to his name now and he will have some excellent employment to put on his CV.

He has learned how to go from Us to achieving something and that will be useful whatever he does in the future.

Do not underestimate how much going to Uni and it not working out is a kick in the teeth of your self confidence - and there is still all that money to pay back. He can always do it later.

That's the thing though, smart - I didn't mean to put the boot in about his grades but I'd worry that if those are the results he's getting after two years of individual attention, then there's a risk he could do poorly in a university environment where he's one of dozens/hundreds.

Only on MN is BBBC at A-level seen as an 'OK' result!

*destined not dear tuned

My eldest son failed his 'A'levels 5 years ago and basically sat in his room for a year.
Then suddenly he got a job at Aldi, enrolled at college got a BTec and now he's about to embark on his 3rd year at Uni, aged 24.
I'm so proud of him. I didn't think those few years ago, that anything would become of him (dear tuned to work forever in a supermarket),but he is working hard, and worked in a bar all summer. So getting work experience too.
Maybe this will happen for your son. Or maybe he'll get into management at Sainsburys. Try not to worry.

I am a very highly qualified counsellor. I too left education at 18 and went into retail. Within 12 years I had worked my way up to store manager and made the switch to financial services running a high street building society branch and earning very good money. I needed that good financial start in life because counselling is VERY VERY poorly paid.

When he is old enough to start counselling training (and a lot of places won't consider anyone under 25 or even 30 to have enough life experience to be a suitable trainee) a back ground in retail mixing with many different people will be at least as useful to him as a degree in psychology.

From my experience, couselling is incredibly difficult to get into as a career as paid posts are very rare and it's uncommon to make a well-paid career out of it.

Also, you definitely do not need a psych degree to get into counselling. You start off with a certificate course (which can be done in the evenings at some colleges) and then move on to foundation degrees etc., which he can probably work round his Sainsbury's shifts (as they will probably want him on a weekend so he'll have a day free in the week).

I actually think what he's doing is the best was to get into counselling; he can do it part time around his Sainsbury's hours and still have a stable wage to fall back on. He's not in any debt from uni and he's earning straight away!

Psychology degrees a really common nowadays (again, said from experience) and they're really a bit if a waste unless you want to become a chartered psychologist.

He may just not feel ready for uni - DN is now at uni after a year working for M&S. He did get as far as starting uni straight after A levels but left after 3 weeks as he just couldn't cope with being away from home and the general level of independence expected. A year of working in retail demonstrated that it was not what he wanted to do for a career, but it enable him to start uni second time around with some life experience and a bit of money.

A family member has experience of retail management.

At some traditional retailers, eg M&S, opportunities to progress to store manager level or to head office roles is limited for those who did not join via the graduate management training program. I believe Sainsbury's used to be similar, but I'm not sure about nowadays. ( I understand ex-CEO Justin King made some big cultural changes to that business).

If this young man actually wants to work in a supermarket, he's done the right thing. If he wants to run a supermarket, or work as a buyer or marketer for a supermarket company, he may need a re-think.

My brother stuffed up his A levels....quite a few years ago (30!). He was working part time for Sainsburys during his A levels. They let him join the Management Training scheme. He's now manager of a big store, so he made it from the shop floor. He hasn't always enjoyed the job, but it's secure.