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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that a toyshop shouldn't change the fur they make their bear with?

113 replies

DachsandPup · 31/01/2016 15:54

DD2 has an attachment to a particular bear only sold in one shop. There have been various replacements over the last 2 years and we've always had at least one bear in reserve because she NEEDS her bear.

Last night she was sick all over said item and we had to deploy the last replacement we had in the house. Went to get some replacement bears to refill the stash - AND THEY'VE CHANGED THE FUR THEY MAKE THE BEAR WITH!!!

I offered her the new bear, having sneakily removed the existing one (we swap them around regularly so they all age at roughly the same rate) and for the first time ever she realised straight away and rejected the bear.

AAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH - what do i do now?

Please confirm that I'm not being unreasonable to want to hunt down whoever thought changing the bear's characteristics so much that even a 2 year old can tell the difference and drag them along to my house next time we need a replacement bear so they can see the impact their decision has had on a poor little innocent bear addict. Or alternatively suggest some other fitting punishment for them!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
dementedpixie · 31/01/2016 17:31

I don't have a tumble drier so mine dried on the radiator

SpaceDinosaur · 31/01/2016 17:29

Nursery
Coat dyed
Holiday lost
Vomit

Avoidable, honestly? 3 of those 4
Nursery bear is probably still at nursery. It won't be the only precious toy they've ever had. I find it hard to believe it's not there or they tried hard enough to find it.

Did you not sew or write her name on?

Coat dyed?
Par the course for toys. Machine wash, move on. Favourite toys never look perfect.

Holiday lost?
Well, you'll not do that again. Pretty poor show loosing it but not the only person in the world to do so.
Taking a spare on holiday highly unusual. Were you anticipating a problem?

Like PPs I only had one precious toy.
She was washable. Most toys were.
When I vomited on her or gave her a mud bath she went in the machine and I had a different toy. I hated "different toy" but I knew different toy was because my bear was in the wash and I dealt with that. I had my bear from 1.
I didn't accept alternatives either. You just know!!!

DH also still has his bear. Same story.

Wash coat bear and puke bear.

Original poster
DachsandPup · 31/01/2016 17:26

paulankathedog

i don't think they need to sell the same bear forever just in case a child needs a replacement

i'm not necessarily 100% serious about being grumpy about changing the bear's style but usually if you're going to change something quite a lot you give it a different model name or version name

if i'd ordered replacement bear on the internet instead of going into the store i wouldn't have known that the bear was different because i'd have ordered the same model name. if you order something with the same name, you expect it to be the same. look at all the trouble with creme eggs and quality street tin sizing!

OP posts:
Original poster
DachsandPup · 31/01/2016 17:22

can i put the bear in the tumble dryer or does he need to dry slowly on a radiator?

OP posts:
QueryQuery · 31/01/2016 17:20

I was told, although I don't know if it's true, that they all say wipe clean only as washing removes the fire retardant stuff. I always wash them.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 31/01/2016 17:20

Can I just check, genuinely being serious about thinking it unreasonable them to have changed the bear's style?

Original poster
DachsandPup · 31/01/2016 17:13

bear is now a bedtime toy only or if there is a scary new situation. he didn't leave the house after she was about 15 months but then our nanny got sick and we had to send her to nursery for a few weeks instead and she needed bear so she had something familiar in the scary new environment. and then they lost him! unfortunately the sick incident was last night :(

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 31/01/2016 17:12

Surely the fur would feel different even if the shop hadn't changed their bear recipe as the new bear would be new and unsnuggled?

How is the washing going?

PitilessYank · 31/01/2016 17:11

I would have the soiled bear dry-cleaned. Our cleaner does toys...

PinkPopPonyTrotsOn · 31/01/2016 17:11

Its all the angst though - doesn't seem that light hearted to stress so much.
DC had precious toys which they slept with only.
So much easier and they actually liked that they smelt nice and clean when washed.

poocatcherchampion · 31/01/2016 17:09

Yes we have a few on rotation, but yabu to buy a new every time it becomes slightly imperfect.

Dd1 says now "ooh this one fell in my gravy (etc) can I have another one please.."

DrFoxtrot · 31/01/2016 17:08

You sound a bit like my sister OP, quickly changing the bear before DD noticed he was a bit pink. It sounds more exhausting than it should. I agree with others that a bears wear and tear tells a story.

OddBoots · 31/01/2016 17:07

Maybe it is time for bear to be a bedtime toy only?

Original poster
DachsandPup · 31/01/2016 17:06

Looks like there are definitely two camps here - the ones who would never substitute the toy and the people that keep spares.

Most of the people i know either have spares or regret not having spares, and i remember the trauma of losing my bear when i was tiny.

So i became one of the people with spares.

i don't think having more than one devalues the relationship - it's the bond that's important. When DD2 is 18 there will only be one of the bears in the house. And her older sister (who's nearly 4) knows that there is more than 1 bear but wouldn't dream of telling her.

Of course she'll find out one day but she loves her bear and always will, even though he might not be the first incarnation.

OP posts:
TheCarpenter · 31/01/2016 17:01

X post Grin

TheCarpenter · 31/01/2016 16:59

You can't buy an ear that has been rubbed bare by baby fingers.

This made me want to weep. I have a battered worn old monkey, I still cuddle him when I'm ill or really down. My DS has lots of soft toys, but not one 'special one'.

YABU for switching the toys OP. Therapy session in the making! So a coat ran on him, and yes a wash due to sick might make him go a bit funny, but that's the charm. It's about the toy that saw everything you went through as a child.

Original poster
DachsandPup · 31/01/2016 16:59

ok, so the sicked on bear is currently in a pillowcase merrily being washed.

and maybe it is silly to not to have tried washing it before - i just honestly never thought it would be ok to put him in the machine because the label said wipe clean only. thought maybe the filling would go all manky or something.

so even those of you who think IABU - thanks for teaching me something about soft toys :) i may even be able to rescue the bear that turned pink if this works - he has not been thrown away.

OP posts:
Original poster
DachsandPup · 31/01/2016 16:54

pinkpoppony

maybe i should have put 'lighthearted' in the title but i figured it was pretty obvious... apologies if it wasn't. i can't see how anyone would write 'poor little innocent bear addict' if they weren't being lighthearted - no one would write that seriously

but yes, i do believe that an established model of a toy that has been sold for over 5 years (my sister in law bought DD2 her original bear because her daughter had loved her bear, in a different colour) without changing the fur type shouldn't continue to use the same model name for the bear but change the fur completely

Enkopkaffetak - Rara looks very cute! our bear helped with the christmas cake too

OP posts:
Coldlightofday · 31/01/2016 16:53

I think toys becoming a bit battered through love and washing is part of what makes them special.

You can't buy an ear that has been rubbed bare by baby fingers.

unlucky83 · 31/01/2016 16:51

I feel your pain - DD1 lost her 'blue teddy' when she was about 3...and it caused a lot of tears and upset . And she wasn't glued to it, didn't need it to sleep but did want it when she was feeling sad/ill - we didn't know exactly when we lost it and the shop no longer sold them - I tried everything to get it back with no joy.
But the best laid plans - I decided you should always have a back up one. So for DD2's first teddy I bought 2 - a spare and from a big shop. She showed no interest in it at all but then at about 12 months spotted a toy deer in a charity shop and DP bought it - she became glued to it. It had a label and was made by a big manufacturer but was at least 10yrs old (they changed address). I couldn't find a spare - I had a saved ebay search I did get one quite similar after a year or so. (DP said she'd never fall for it so I tried at 2 ish and she did...but any older and I don't think she would have).
Now at nearly 9 she knows there are 2 and they have different names. I still have the ebay search going out of interest and I have still never seen another one exactly the same...

Lasaraleen · 31/01/2016 16:50

I can see where you're coming from but you can't honestly expect a retailer to keep all their soft toys exactly the same forever and ever. And 4 bears in two years is madness. We had a rule that you can't take anything to nursery unless you're happy to lose it. Special bears never leave the house unless on holiday and we make damn sure we come home with them as most of ours are irreplaceable!

PinkPopPonyTrotsOn · 31/01/2016 16:47

Yabu and really OTT
Just wash the bear !
Surely DD knows she was sick on it and it needs washing ??Confused

bishboschone · 31/01/2016 16:46

If that's the bear it will machine wash for sure .. All teddies wash ! Make sure you wash them all though as they will change texture

Original poster
DachsandPup · 31/01/2016 16:45

and yes, i really do wish the toy she became attached to wasn't white. there should be laws against making kids toys in white...

OP posts:
ConesOfDunshire · 31/01/2016 16:44

They all say surface clean only but I've washed most of DD's soft toys at some point or another. Gentle cycle and then a session in the dryer to fluff up again.