To find getting older so incredibly sad

I wasn't really aware of ageing at 35, but at 42 it has become obvious.I don't much like the look of myself in the mirror any more - but it helps that I was never a great beauty to start with, so there is less to lose! That said, two close friends died suddenly before Xmas. If there is anything worse than getting older, it is not getting older. I try the mantra 'You are as young today as you are ever going to be. Now go and think about something else!'

Only if you define yourself by your looks and you are ageist does the looks changing thing really affect people. People may not be Christian any more but many of us even athetists have a moral code that over concern over looks is morally wrong. Also many of we feminists are in high earning careers which mean our looks are mot relevant and as we get older and older (I am over 50) we get better and better and earn more and more and the world is our oyster! Whereas those who live off pleasing and keeping men in bed find their looks are more their currency.

Also in terms of fitness I have never felt as bad and tired as in my 20s as I had 3 children under 5 and worked full time. Now I can sleep as long as I want on many nights, just got back from 7 days of skiing, rarely eat bad foods so am never ill and feel excatly the same as at 20. i genuinely do not have a single physical/movement difference. I still do the lotus position every day. There is no bit of body movement I cannot do over 50 that I could do at 20. I dye my hair at home which costs about £7 a month. That's it.

Trust me, just be thankful that you are getting older and your Dh is getting older. My lovely DH died last month and I would give anything to watch him grow old, as that was always our plan.

Good grief! Old at 35 😳
As a 62 year old all I can say is if you're miserably contemplating being 'old' at 35 then you're going to have a very unhappy time for the rest of your life!
Life is for living, so get on with enjoying it.

Indeed, SenecaFalls. But then quite a lot of MN is rather shockingly ageist.

I'm aiming to be a difficult obnoxious "old lady". Best way to put youth in its place

Some of the thread is inspirational, but some of it is blatantly ageist. Why do so many people insist on defining a valuable old age in terms of whether a person can do things associated with being young?

Ive actually found this thread quite inspirational!

Maybe one for Classics?

we all inevitably decline as we get older but if you take good care of your health you give yourself the best chance of staying in good nick for as long as possible

if you feel ropey already at 35 OP maybe it would be an idea to look at ways to improve your health?

yeah it's a bummer, but time passes at the rate of one second per second just the same for everyone
no one escapes
no one gets out alive
no point lamenting

you're only just out of your teens fgs, I wasnt aware of any aging at 35

You can't do fuck all about it? So stop moaning you are 35 not 90 shave ya grey fange hairs and live your life.

I take inspiration from my dad, who is 89 and still acts like someone 30 years younger. It's all down to attitude.

Its better than the alternative. Buy an underwired bra, moisturise and banish the grey. And get in touch with your inner child again. Ageing can be bit crap but you don't have to abandon hope and start mentally festering. Its not mandatory!

Hmm, actually getting depressed isn't always something you can do that much to prevent. Though there are hopefully things you can do to begin to find your way out of it

An awareness of ageing and the inevitability doesn't spoil the present. Being told that it is tosh that you can get to 83yrs before you begin to be elderly and that you need to read the statistics spoil the present!
Getting depressed because you are ageing spoils the present because it is a fact and happens to everyone so getting depressed changes nothing.

I'm 34 and in better shape than I've ever been, physically.

True, my skin doesn't have that plumbness it had when I was 18 but it's still mostly smooth and I have no greys. I'm in great shape and have more muscle mass and better stamina than I did at 20. Also, I've finally got the confidence and the money to really express my personal style. I've always been striking rather than beautiful and compare much better to women my own age now that the generic prettiness of your average 20-year-old has started to wear off on them.

My 25-year-old subordinate fancies the pants off me (but I'm not that unprofessional)!

Yes, I agree to an extent Fatrascals - part of a Buddhist philosophy - amongst others I'm sure - to be more aware of these things

Is there a cat on your keyboard, Welly?

Christ, you should try turning 50, love. - Then you'll know about aches and pains.

But I noow consider turningt olld a lusxyr as i nnknow p eople who never made it past 38 and that is really sad. In our 50s w'ere srioddropping li;ke flies and we should embarace old age and appreicaiteate our lies;.

I've been reading some history books.
I think it helps you get things in perspective - we are all little blips in time. Born and die. Hopefully each of us will have happy memories and enjoy our time. Then we are gone and it's our descendants/relations carrying on the genes.

Freshhorizons you are a breath of fresh air.

No, I don't have faith in the power of positive thinking- health is a matter of luck and you can have a very healthy lifestyle and still get a dreadful disease or chronic illness. I was reacting against being told it was tosh that old age tended to set in after 83 years when my personal observation is that if people don't die early they can generally do OK until that age BUT that is only people that I know.
I can't see the point in worrying about something that may never happen, or the inevitability of aging and death, because it just spoils the present. Having said that I fully expect to have a fleeting depression at my next big birthday because I have at all the other ones!
I do think that there are people who give up far too easily and could do far more than they do. Use it or lose it is my motto. It would be very easy to never force myself out because I haven't completed my 10,000 steps and then I would get into the cycle of feeling worse and not doing it and feeling unfit and old. My elderly mother is very disabled but she still forces herself to do things for herself.

FreshHorizons I don't think we're that far apart - I just think you have more faith than I do in the power of exercise positive thinking.

The thing is- lots of health conditions when you are older make it difficult to exercise. My mum is in a walking group, and whilst she is able to do the walks (7-9 miles on a weekend), over the years so many of the group have had to drop out, because they've had a heart attack/not recovered well/arthritis worsened, all kinds of conditions, and a couple have died! These are people who want to exercise, but you have to be realistic. It's also easier to have a positive attitude when you are very mobile and can still do a lot of things (and if you have the money to do them)- that's why depression is very common but underdiagnosed in older people.

Not to say many people over 65 have fulfilling and interesting lives, but the harsh realities of chronic or severe illness are there to be faced for so many.

In addition, it's worth saying that six years ago I was diagnosed with a chronic health condition and if it weren't for the amazing NHS, I'd be dead by now. That knowledge helps me to appreciate the life I'm able to lead now while my condition is in remission.