To find getting older so incredibly sad

This is interesting. Not seeing ageing as a negative can give you 7 and a half years longer life. https://www.instagram.com/reel/DDK7o8nPnhR/?igsh=NDdkMnc4YzFjcjRz

When I look back (fifties now), I consider 35 as really being the prime of my life to be honest. Try and make the most of it and not look back or ahead too much.

I get it op.

Having lost people close to me who are young, I do feel though that it is a gift to be able to grow old. We are blessed with years ahead of us.

My back and hips don't agree with that though.

My mum died aged 39 when I was 10, and my dad died aged 75 last July.

I find the older you get, the more people around you, you lose :(

I am 42 but definitely notice changes. It hurts to stand too long (seeing a doctor about this), I am slower at typing and texting too!

The interesting thing about this thread is, that some like @OP that didn't were sad about growing older are now a decade older than they were when they posted, so i suppose they are now wishing they were THAT age. The moral of this is to embrace ageing as a process we can do nothing about, just enjoy it and make the most of whatever age you are.

Your name will still be the same as it was 9 years ago, mine is and I've changed it a zillion times since then.

I had just turned 50 and now 60 looms, god it's weird seeing what I wrote (nothing special) but knowing it was nearly a decade and how I'd love to go back. That 9 years has gone by in the click of my fingers and scary to think of how long one's got left! Still feel happy and mostly fit although a scare since 2016 (how is that 9 years ago though ...)

Interesting to see this thread again. I've gone from 50s to 60s since I posted, and I feel pretty much the same as I did then. I don't have any sadness for myself getting older, I'm just glad I'm around to do it, especially as I'm now older than my mum was when she died. The last of my parents' generation have died since I last posted, and I've lost a few other close people, so I definitely have a sense of my own mortality, but in a must-get-around-to-doing-the-things-I've-always-wanted way. People now stand up when I get on a crowded bus or train, so I suppose I've turned into a little old lady on the outside, but I don't feel like one on the inside!

Have you ever lost anyone young, OP? My best friend died at 23 years old, and my dad passed at 60. My mother in law got through stage 3 cancer 5yrs ago in her late 50s.

Actively look for perspective.

I posted under a different name back then but I still agree with what I said at the time. But I also agree with you, in a sense. Time marches on and takes us with it whether we like it or not. In contrast to ‘there is no now’ I’d say that all we actually have is ‘now’. I’m certainly greyer and wrinklier than I was in 2016 but I’m also happier. I’m not too bothered about where I might be in another 8 or 9 years in terms of ageing, I just want to continue to be a decent person with a mostly happy life. I don’t think being young afforded me any more opportunity or privileges with regards to achieving either of those goals.

At least it’s better than the alternative. I’m pretty ancient and have lost several friends within the last ten years, including some who were rather younger than I am, so that’s what I tell myself.
And a dd has one friend, only in her 40s, who has stage 4 cancer, and another friend of hers, also 40s, died within just a few months of being diagnosed with cancer.

Both were formerly apparently perfectly healthy.
Count your blessings, OP.

I didn't say anything at all profound on the thread, but it's interesting looking back to then. I'm nearly 9 years older but I feel pretty much the same.

We've lost people, but new ones have arrived. Some are frailer or have become ill or disables, or their lives are now less happy, but others are entering adulthood, or have recovered from illness, or their lives have taken a turn for the better.

I had to have a photo taken at work yesterday and waited until after lunch to give my face more time to unfold but most of the time I don't care that I now wear specs and my neck's getting a bit ropey.

I felt old when I turned 30. When I turned 50 I decided to embrace it and I don't give a shit about aging anymore. The older I get, the more I feel like the real me. I don't know if that makes any sense, but my 50th birthday was wonderful. 60 is fast approaching. I'm really looking forward to it.

Would love to hear from the people on this thread, where are they now? People described feeling old and mourning lost youth but it didn’t stop there. Nearly 9 more years has passed. OP was feeling old at 35 but is now 43/44. Other PPs were early 40s saying it had got better, now they’re 50s. Parents described here in their 70s but now in their 80s. Some people will no longer be with us.

The same applies to me and this comment. The sense of “nowness” is an illusion. There is no now. The passing of time is ceaseless and remorseless.

I think lots of people look great as their older self. Definitely David Bowie, Hugh Laurie is another (though he's not that old). Sometimes people definitely do become better looking.

Speaking of David Bowie a bit up-thread, I think he definitely grew into his looks and was a lot 'softer' in appearance in later years.

Generally I suppose most of us look marginally better without wrinkles and grey hair, I dress a lot better at 50 than I used to though!

Slightly I agree that some people look better as they get older to a certain extent, but it's not common for very old people to look better.

I don't think I agree - age softens some people's faces in an agreeable way. Can think of some who looked either insipid or raw in their twenties but carried on growing into their faces as they aged.

"not everyone is blessed with good looks even in their early 20's"

No, but you're likely to look better than in your 60s.

I've always worried about getting older but then last October, my son lost his best friend at 22 in a tragic accident. That lovely boy will never have the chance to marry, have his own kids and live a wonderful life and its made me realise how bloody lucky I am.
I hope I live till I'm 97 and a half!
So many people never get that chance

I think the secret to ageing well is to be a big fat mess until about 35 and then sort yourself out. Then you miss out on the whole "I don't look as good as I used to" problem.

Not had time to read the whole thread, just the first few pages and the last page, but I wanted to chip in and say that being young can be really over-rated. You might have your looks (in fact not everyone is blessed with good looks even in their early 20's) and your health (ditto - some people live with health challenges all their lives unfortunately) but you certainly don't have any control over your life when you're a child and taking what power you can over yourself can be a terrifying battle when you're younger. And just being a young and attractive woman can make you a target for all sorts of creeps.

I'm all for people going backpacking in their 60's if they're physically up for it. Especially the women.

Apart from a couple of health issues, I like getting older. I've just turned 50 and thought my 40s were my best decade ever, when I felt at my boldest and most confident. Now I'm 50, mentally I feel great and am still reasonably fit and healthy and go to the gym and go hiking, etc.

Growing old is a privilege denied to many. I don't feel that job opportunities are shrinking - I feel that I'm at the peak of my competence, confidence and success, career-wise. I feel that there are abundant opportunities out there for me.

One of my friends is now in her late 60s and her life improved a thousandfold after she got divorced in her 50s and then retired a few years later. She spends half the year abroad and has a fantastic life, of which I'm really envious.

Another friend who is now almost 80 emigrated to Ibiza in her late 70s and absolutely loves it! She is one of the happiest, healthiest and fittest (for her age) people I know.

Both of these women love their lives far more now than they ever did.

It's all about your mental attitude. Feel old at 35 and you will BE old at 35!

MadameCroquette, I think many parenting decisions arise as a result of one's own experiences or observations as a child on the receiving end of parenting. My mum had/has bulimia and outward appearance meant a lot (to put it mildly) to her. She wasn't critical -- the opposite actually, but I definitely got the impression that there was a favoured 'look' in her eyes. I also sensed without realising the exact nature of her problem, that her focus on appearance held her back in many ways. Sifting through various motifs from my childhood, I decided that focus was one element I would ditch.

I feel that there is a fine line between normal conversation about appearance and turning it into something more significant than it needs to be. Certainly little girls do not need to hear anything about how they look, just as they should never have a label like clever or naughty applied to them. They should be free to form their own self image, but I think a parent (and a school too) can help guide them in choosing what qualities they should use in order to form that. I always focused on effort, and qualities like good time management, being organised, being a good friend, appreciating others' talents and their own, kindness.

They went to a non-uniform high school where there are no rules about makeup or hairstyles or colour or nail polish and I didn't stop them from any experimenting they felt like doing, but we didn't talk about any of that apart from encouraging them to get their look for the day sorted the night before. DD1 usually had her outfits arranged a week in advance, but that was the sort of general approach she had about everything. The rest of them were more laid back in their habits.

Iamworkingonit, great post.

Those are the sorts of things I worry about suzanne. I was never a stunner in the first place so 'loss of looks' isn't a concern for me! Loss of health is.

Its not the loss of looks we should worry about, the sagging visage isn't great but that's just a cosmetic issue

More importantly what's going on inside?
Your liver and your arteries?
How much visceral adipose tissue do you have?