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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to do nothing about this BULLYING incident?

58 replies

RoastedParsnip · 17/12/2015 11:31

dd is nearly 14.
yesterday at school a boy told a group of very intimidating, notorious girls that dd had been 'bitching' about them. dd is terrified of these girls. they spend most of their time in detention and are into all sorts of risky behaviours. they parade round the school in a pack, giving everyone filthy looks. anyway, you get the picture- every comp has a group like this, i imagine.

anyway, one of the girls cornered dd in the toilets and slammed the door in her face. dd calmly denied the accusation and walked away.

at lunch, the whole group pursued dd and she was surrounded by many, many onlookers in what sounded like a lynch mob. the language and level of intimidation sound horrendous. somehow dd remained calm and composed and stated her innocence in a civil, articulate manner. then said she was walking away. eventually, a few people in the crowd who had been with dd in class when the supposed bitching occurred came forward and said it was untrue. it sounds like the tide turned on the nasty girls and gradually they realised that they have have been misinformed. unlikely as it sounds, dd then got a grudging apology.

for the rest of the day people were coming up to dd, some older who she doesn't even know, congratulating her on her handling of the situation.

dd seemed weirdly calm reporting this to me, as was buoyed up by the support she got.

this morning we were discussing it in front of dh, who was at that point not aware of the events of yesterday. dd had a real melt down, sobbing her heart out at the thought of dh reporting it to the school. we had to promise we would do nothing without talking to dd first, and agreed to treat this as a one off, as there was a 'good' outcome for dd.

AIBU or foolish to not report this to the school and respond to any future incidents/ fall out as it occurs? is is ever the right thing not to act with bullying like this? dd seems terrified and i don't blame her. i would be scared of these girls too.

finally, a related question...how 'normal' do you think this is for a secondary? should i questioning the culture at school where this can happen? (we are new around here and questioning school choice)

OP posts:
LaurieLemons · 17/12/2015 11:46

Honestly? Pretty normal these days, I know it's not right but in reality she will just end up with more hassle from the girls if you report it. Kids would rather get in trouble themselves than 'grass'. I would trust your DD if she says it wouldn't help things. Gobsmacked how she didn't react one bit! If they don't back down then something needs to be done but it sounds like she handled things well.

Original poster
RoastedParsnip · 17/12/2015 11:46

oh gawd, partridge, i can't do that now having promised dd. i feel very conflicted tbh.

OP posts:
InTheBox · 17/12/2015 11:45

Well done your dd! She sounds a very level headed young woman. I agree with you. She's obviously able to handle herself in the face of such disgusting behaviour. I'd play it by ear and be guided by dd wrt future incidents.

PartridgeFairysparkles · 17/12/2015 11:45

Well done to your DD. I would perhaps just let the school pastoral person know what happened though in an email, just for their information.

Original poster
RoastedParsnip · 17/12/2015 11:44

RB, apparently he is very smug and arrogant and dismissed what he said as 'banter'. dd can be quite feisty when not intimidated by someone and said 'i'll deal with him!' i.e. she doesn't see him as a threat in the way these girls are.

OP posts:
Original poster
RoastedParsnip · 17/12/2015 11:42

thank you popcorn, for your kind words.

i am proud of dd. i think she just found some inner strength from somewhere, but her self esteem is very low at the moment since moving to this school, I'm not sure how she managed it!

dh was worried that as they lost face and one ended up apologising to dd that they might target her again. could go either way :(

OP posts:
RB68 · 17/12/2015 11:40

I agree - if there are further issues then a different approach needs taking but I would have an issue with the boy in particular - what a coward

PopcornFrenzy · 17/12/2015 11:36

Firstly a big fat well done to your DD for her handling of it. I think you should treat this as a one off and if these girls are as bad as you say the school probably know about them.

Your DD will probably get left alone now as we all know bullies back down when they don't get the reaction they're after.

I was bullied mercilessly at school and wish I'd have handled it like your DD.