AIBU to do nothing about this BULLYING incident?

Given that the DD will now be about 23, I doubt this dilemma is still an issue.

What is it with the 10 year old thread’s being resurrected the past few days?! 🤔

This thread is from 2015. The OP's daughter would be an adult now.

I would see how it develops (if at all) before deciding whether to report, I agree that having DD's trust is more important at this stage. Hopefully the impressive way she dealt with it will mean the bullies will leave her alone in future but she needs to feel she can tell you if anything else happens. There's no reason you can't still report it in a day or two or even next week if necessary and I would have thought if the bullies we're going to make another move it will be soon. Make a note of the date and details as pp suggested just in case and keep a close eye on DD for signs things aren't as rosy as she's painting them, any worries then and you have a ready made case to put to the school. I hate bullying with a passion but there's no point making your DD a target by reporting something she dealt with effectively, time will tell whether her approach has worked as well as it appeared to.

I appreciate this does not solve the problem of bullying but at both my daughters’ secondary schools (one private, one huge comp) large groups of kids are not allowed precisely because they can appear (or actually be) mob-like and intimidating. Groups of more than 5 or 6 are broken up whenever they are seen. I was really surprised when I first heard this and thought it sounded rather draconian (freedom of association and all!) but I’ve come to see it as a very good thing.

If you did want to talk to school, perhaps your conversation could focus on how intimidating large groups of students can be and if the school has any ways of tackling the impact this can have on other students, rather than the particular incident involving your DD. I do however appreciate that a group of six can still be very intimidating!

as others have said, make a note of exactly what happened, including names, dates and what was said, if your daughter will tell you.

Then sit on it, but if other incidents occur you will have a firm record of this and of who was involved and how your daughter reacted and your promise to her.

And bravo to her!

You've made a promise to your daughter. You can't break it.

I suspect she will be left alone now but the situation changes if they do anything again, at which point you can renegotiate.

I hate that whole "Just banter" thing.
Watch this

and see if it changes your mind.

In your shoes I would respect dd's wishes, this time and not report.

Another factor is, if she cannot trust you to follow her lead, then she may not tell you next time.

The girls sounds awful and if it happens again I would report but I would not promise to not report if I felt there was a chance I may wish to report it.

My dd goes up to secondary school this coming academic year so no idea if this normal. But whether it is not it should not be considered normal and this sort of shit should be dealt with in school. If she is relevantly new and you are not happy and there is another option I would consider it, and would make sure if I took dd out that I told them why. I can't believe the school are oblivious to this and if they are not and do nothing they deserve to lose all their pupils except a bunch of bitchy girls and one bitchy boy!

It's done it's over, it's handled. Don't report it, it will bring the situation back up and make it into an issue /excuse to have another go.

I had a near identical experience, I also calmly explained i hadn't said anything. How the fuck I did when I'm a mouse that hates confrontation I still don't know. But for the next few years we ignored each other and all was 'fine'.

Op wish I'd had your DDs approach.

One poster above referred to "these days" but I find it profoundly depressing that the same stuff used to happen when I was at school 40 years ago. With that said, I moved house and changed schools at the time (1970s) and amazingly - no bullies and mob rule. My first secondary school was a milder version of how I imagine prison would be - the hard kids ran the school and the teachers weren't too worried and certainly didn't like having to deal with bullying.

Your dd sounds great! I wouldn't tell the school - I think that it's more important that she trusts you than that they're informed as a one off. As she trusts you, if anything happens again I'd imagine she'll tell you straightaway; and in that case I think you have to go straight to the school.

I'd also record it; stick it in an email to your husband or something that you can forward to the school if anything escalates. Just in case.

Just to add, your dd sounds amazing. She showed a phenomenal amount of maturity in that situation.

Agree that you should follow DD's lead on this one, provided it remains an isolated incident. Your DD sounds like a fantastic girl you must be so proud

I think I'd want to report it as these girls may well be using the same tactics on other students. Would your dd be prepared to accept you reporting the incident in the interests of preventing the same thing happening to someone else less able to deal with is?

"diddl, do you mean tell or not tell? bit confused"

Me too, my post doesn't make sense, does it?

I think that the school should be told so that there is a record of it tbh.

Tbh it escalated pretty much just on the one day.

Cornered by one girl in the morning & then surrounded by a group at lunchtime?

What if they had decided not to believe her or the girls sticking up for her?

She's going to be treading on eggshells incase she says the wrong thing to the wrong person or looks at someone the wrong way.

You say that she is already terrified of them as it is-before they had done anything.

I am on the fence.

Dd suffered bullying for years. At first we wrote it off as small incidents and didn't report it.

When we did report it all previous incidents weren't dealt with as far as the school was concerned they never happened.

Even when we started reporting them they tried to pretend they weren't aware of previous incidents.

It wasn't until they realised we had records of everything that they actually did something.

If I were you I would be telling school but making it clear it's only so they know, that you don't want anything doing. So it's reported.

Because if it does happen again the school the school will treat this as the first incident.

The problem is that you promised not too. Which is why I am on fence.

It may be best that you leave it.

As long as you know she is telling the truth and not covering up and making it seem like she handled it well, leave it.

Sounds like she dealt with it well. I doubt the bullies will bother her again as they would rather bother people that don't stand up for themselves.

However, I think you should report the incident to the school so they have their eyes on these girls for future bullying (not just of your daughter but of others) but say you don't want your daughters name brought up.