To ask for pregnancy anxiety / mental health survival stories?!

33 weeks, you are on the home straight, just keep breathing and you will get through my lovely. I totally understand about the disturbed sleep though. Night times can be very long can't they? I can get to sleep fine, but it is staying asleep which is the problem. I either lay there suffering the flashbacks from my little angel's birth, or panicking about the same thing happening again. I have just started sessions with a psychologist at the hospital, which my lovely consultant put me in contact with. I am very lucky I can't complain about the support I am being given, they are all so lovely. I look forward to hearing your happy baby news in 7 weeks or so

Sleepless, thank you for starting this thread. You will be helping so many people to sleep a little easier tonight. how much longer do you have to go?
I am 20 weeks and suffering horrendous anxiety (dd stillborn 40+5 in March) I feel terrible thinking that this baby can feel my sadness and fear and bleeding Google doesn't help! Your thread is helping, nice to know it isn't all doom and gloom.
To all of the amazing ladies who have shared their stories x

I had antenatal depression and anxiety plus hyperemesis til 27 weeks, polyhydramniosis diagned at 20 week scan and then spd/pgp from week 29.
I basically puked and sobbed from week 5 onwards. I was so upset when I went to see my gp at 26 weeks he thought I was asking for a termination because I was convinced I would be a dreadful mother, that I couldn't cope. I was already on antidepressants so my dose was increased and I met up with the mental health midwife. I have a history of depression and was also terrified of developing pnd or psychosis. (I didn't). I was signed off work which helped and I spent a lot of time stroking my bump and talking to it. I had a really good MN baby group on Facebook who were brilliantly supportive and have become real life friends

DD was induced at 39 weeks and spent almost a week in NICU and the day we finally left the hospital was the best day O have ever ever had. I've never had that level of anxiety again, DD is 2 in November and absolutely thriving. She's advanced with her speech and makes me laugh every single day just through being her funny cute and precocious self. I've been shocked at how laidback I am about her.
Once she started smiling at me and then reaching her arms out for me and now she shouts "Mummy home, cuddles please" how could I have ever doubted I would br good enough for her?

Me? I don't feel strong!

Tbh the thing that's got me through was finding an amazing specialist counsellor and actually applying the stuff I learnt about myself into the rest of my life. It sounds very simple but it's bloody well not! It's the hardest thing ever.

I've had many years of mh issues, a good few, long therapy sessions and I've got better but not great.

I've now learnt to allow my feelings, whatever they are. To sit with them an accept that they will pass. I have also learnt to truly be kind to myself. I physically hug myself now when I'm having a hard time (I find it very hard to let others in and comfort me so I have to do it myself). I also see myself from the outside and talk to myself as if I would a good friend, in a kind an comforting way.

Written down it sounds proper mental but it works for me. I guess my comforting self talk if I were in your situation (obviously I have no idea what's fully going on in your mind so I'm guessing) would be something like 'I know you're feeling anxious, your heart is racing and your mind is spinning. It's not surprising, you have so much going on and you are unwell. You are doing really well, you are doing your best to look after yourself, you are talking and not internalising. These feelings are horrid, I know they are, but they will pass and you will feel ok again soon' I always talk to myself in the third person. I'd probably do it while hugging myself and possibly rocking.

I am aware how weird that all sounds. It is very random and I imagine won't work for most people. It's the only thing that works for me in the darkest moments.

I guess it's like an emotional holding your breath until things stabilise again.

I suffered pretty bad antenatal depression with a tad of anxiety. I have suffered off an on all my life (diagnosed bipolar and bpd) so I was expecting it tbh.

Mine started around 25 weeks. My 28 weeks I was barely functioning. Luckily I'm a teacher and summer hols started at 29 weeks. If it hadn't I would have had to leave early. I literally just managed to survive 28-40 weeks. They were worried about post natal psychosis but that never happened. I was ok after birth but it came back around 1 yo which was unexpected.

My dd1 is bright, happy, healthy and confident.

We lost dd2 at 22 weeks earlier in the year. My depression was creeping back before we lost her. My dd1 has coped remarkably through my pnd and the past few months of greif. They tell me babies and children are resilient, they bloody are!

You are doing really well sleepless. Keep talking.

I remember your other threads! You're doing brilliantly and I think of you often and I'm so glad you made the decision you did. How far along are you? X

Poor you. Sending masses of love.

I survived. During my first pregnancy: DH lost his job, I almost lost my job, I developed sudden and unexpected PTSD from something from years back, I was assaulted again, I was diagnosed with a life-limiting heart condition... I had to fight incredibly hard to get the support I needed, and the HV worked rather hard to undo all of the support I finally received. I considered termination, I considered suicide.

But I survived. I survived because

• I managed after much hard work to find an incredible midwife
• the Union reps who managed to save my job and negotiate DH a reasonable redundancy package, the cleaner who did all the housework I couldn't, the bath which had hot water in it
• DH and family stuck with me, as did my very best friend and church and the God I believe in
• DD was, from the minute she popped out, the most beautiful little girl on the planet

I got pregnant again very quickly afterwards. The second pregnancy was much easier - physically much tougher (DD, though lovely, was not a quiet or undemanding baby!) but easier because I was able to anticipate a lot of the issues and anxiety I'd be facing, to talk about it and to look for the support I needed.

I survived. DD and DS are absolutely fine, and indeed very gorgeous.

Based on my experience, I'd offer, I think, the following advice

• focus on the absolute basics first:are you hydrated, warm enough, eating properly, clean, financially OK, free from abuse or harm? If not, those are the issues to address first and foremost

• do you have the medical and/or emotional support you need? If not, persevere. The cuts do mean that a lot is disappearing, but sites like MN can be great up-to-date sources of advocacy, advice, signposting

• if it all feels too much, do whatever it takes to make you feel safe.

Hope this helps.

Have they told you you can't start prozac til after the birth? Because my consultant was fine with starting antidepressants in 2nd trimester. My daughter is now 16 and absolutely fine, lovely girl. Had a terrible time till the meds kicked in, ferocious, constant, panicky anxiety, unable to sleep, slight bleeding leading to panic and certainty she was dead. They also gave me valium to help me through worst period until the antidepressants took effect, because I was exhausted from not sleeping.

Both mu sister and I went through really traumatic periods whilst we were pregnant (mother being diagnosed as terminally I'll, treatment and death) and both our babies are perfect. I remember feeling intensely guilty over not even thinking about my baby as I had too much to think about with mum. My midwife reassured me that my baby was well protected in the womb and that my body was taking care of her. She was actually breech and my midwife said that it was because she was trying to stay close to my heart as I was having so much upset (which I thought was quite cute!) x

PS - was interviewed by the Telegraph at the time about it, as they did a big piece on ante-natal depression/anxiety. It might help you if you can find it. It would be 1998 if it is still available.

xxxx

I had dreadful ante-natal anxiety (was carrying twins)....no sleep, fear of being in the house, out of the house, couldn't eat and obsessive thinking etc etc. I went through the darkest imaginable thoughts about both myself and the babies. Previously I had been desperate to be pregnant and was a confident outgoing professional. Whilst pregnant I started obsessively asking questions of friends about how to manage. I was about 90% bonkers. During the pregnancy I was admitted to hospital for potential malnutrition because I couldn't eat (anxiety). I didn't get any other support as ante-natal depression just wasn't recognised. Within a day of giving birth I began to feel the anxiety lift and the fear go. Even during the worst sleepless nights and whilst learning to cope with twin babies I didn't feel the same depression and anxiety. Both the babies were fine and neither were harmed by the extreme physical and mental stress I was under. They are now strapping teens and doing just fine....

I wish you well and you have my heartfelt sympathy. It is something that I think many women go through, but not many talk about.

xxxxxxxxxx

It was less than a week after ds was born. I had horrific pp depression with dd (not really surprising given what we went through) and wondered if I'd have the same with ds.

I was euphoric taking him home at 48 hours old, dh and I popped him on the bed between us and just kept saying "he's 2 days old...and he's HOME!" with an air of wonder. When he was 4 days old I had to take him back in to hospital for jaundice - my mum and duster cane as unfortunately dh was doing some freelance work. I was so hysterical the paeds de couldn't understand me because I thought he'd go into SCBU and I couldn't bear it. My sister had to translate for me. Fortunately we had a private room on the paeds ward not SCBU and after 24 hours on a billi blanket he came home again. I think that was the point that I realised he was absolutely fine, I had him home to stay, and the clouds just lifted, it was an epiphany.

There are mental health midwives, it might help if you spoke to one?

I suffered with horrific ante-natal depression, before it was recognised as a 'thing.' I was in tears for probably 50% of my pregnancy. I also got quite bad pre-eclampsia and had to be induced early.

My DS is one of the most confident, clever kids I have ever met, I am incredibly proud of him, so no, it had no lasting effects for him.

And as for me, I was just so relieved not to be pregnant anymore that I was the happiest mum in the world, apart from one massive crying fit a couple of days after the birth I never stopped smiling and enjoying life, it was an amazing transformation.

It's great that you have a plan in place and that you are so self aware, you can do this. Good luck!

With my first my anxiety and depression was horrific. I had anxiety so bad I was scared to do anything as I constantly feared I wasn't good enough to be pregnant. I felt like everything I did would "break" the baby. I lived in constant fear. I had extensive cbt and councelling and was on meds.

My "baby" is now into double figures and growing into an amazing young woman. She has had no developmental issues, no major illnesses etc.

My doctor told me that she believes antenatal depression is fairly common but many women fear seeking help for fear of being judged. Depression has stigma anyway but during pregnancy it's worse as you are made to feel like you should be so happy, so grateful, so blessed etc.

My child was planned. I was very happily married. We had a decent house, good wage etc. I had morning sickness and niggly issues but no major illnesses or problems. On the outside everything was perfect but honestly I detested every second of being pregnant. Try saying that to someone. They look at you like you said you murdered your firstborn.

Stay strong, keep going and know there are survivors. We did it and you can too. My anxiety lifted very soon after dds birth. I was off drugs within a few months and totally fine.