To ask for pregnancy anxiety / mental health survival stories?!

I honestly think so much of the damage from psych illness in pregnancy is actually done after birth and the support I got in the mum and baby unit prevented that with us, if someone stays so anxious after birth and can't engage with baby or correctly read cues or bond due to illness I think that can show up in a child years later. For me they helped me bond and recover in a safe place and even gave me sessions with a baby psychologist monitoring our interactions who pointed out subtle cues if I missed them when watching it back on a video. It sounds bizarre but I have such fond memories of what was initially a scary place, nobody wants to go to a psych unit but I think we were far better off for it than had the illness never happened x

I personally chose not to take meds in pregnancy as I knew I'd only worry more that the meds would harm the baby (despite tons of reassurance from the drs)

I took them after birth though x

All through but worse in the last tri when I couldn't do anything more than stay in bed sobbing, I only got up to get dressed for psych appts. I couldn't cook, clean or care for myself at all or hold any conversation on any other topic or even watch TV

I found the unit helpful in that I was forced to interact with people again, and made to get dressed each day and I had access 24/7 to a psych nurse. Also looking at the other babies in there was helpful. And of course hearing those nearing discharge saying how they had been ok in the end. I think it became the most useful when I started to improve after birth and began the psychological therapies and Occupstional therapies x

My baby I was certain Id harmed in pregnancy and then with the anxiety and depression thereafter is sitting with me in a cafe at the moment chatting about his day at playgroup and telling me about all his friends x

Thanks AcatcalledFang that's a really nice reply. I've found a pregnancy yoga course which starts in January which I've bookmarked and I've also found an NHS 'parent' workshop which covers a lot of areas of looking after a baby.

I really don't want to hear scare stories at the moment and I've not been reading the 'I hate being pregnant because....' threads... or the 'I wish I wasn't so naive' threads.

The fact you say it's strengthened your relationship is just so welcome - I'm scared my amazing relationship will get screwed up, I'm scared that it will just be all negatives and I'll resent the baby 'taking over my life' and it will be 100% different.

Oddly enough, after speaking to a friend last night, I feel a lot better - she really helped and despite being 100% child free by choice, was able to verbalise potential 'good points' about having children far better than I could and it's really helped me look at things from a different perspective.

Of course, today is the first day in 4 weeks where I feel 'normal', my boobs aren't as sore and my stomach isn't cramping so now I'm worried that something is wrong - Honestly, I feel like a Yo-Yo! However the fact I'm feeling happier and more positive is a really good thing and I'll just wait for my scan next Thursday and take each day as it comes until then.

Hi Fluffy, sorry to hear you're feeling this way too. I think it's so much more common than people realise! When I was 7 weeks pregnant, I was still trying to get my head around being pregnant, and couldn't actually envisage life with a baby - I certainly hadn't bought anything at that stage (thought it would jinx things!) and we hadn't told anyone apart from our parents and my manager (due to my nausea).

Looking back, I think part of the problem for me was that I expected to "do pregnancy well" - my mum had very easy pregnancies whereas, although I had no complications which affected the baby, I didn't find it easy being pregnant at all. But I honestly don't think that how you handle pregnancy bears any relation to how you handle motherhood.

I found things got easier for me as the pregnancy progressed. The scans really helped, as I was terrified of miscarriage, stillbirth and the prospect of something being seriously wrong. Finding out the sex also made it more real and helped me to bond with the baby (and realise I might actually be going to get a baby out of this!). Feeling the baby kick and move really helped. I'd be reluctant to put a date on when I started to feel better but I found the second half easier than the first. My partner was amazing and very logical/rational as well as supportive. This made a huge difference.

I didn't buy anything until 20 weeks, though I did knit things before then. I think knitting, shopping and planning helped me feel more in control - e.g. researching pushchairs - as well as making it more real.

Try to focus on the next few weeks rather than looking too far ahead - so perhaps think about nausea remedies, whether pregnancy yoga/pilates might be for you, etc, rather than how you'll cope as a mother. And do confide in the right people when you feel able to - those who will listen rather than tell you "what you need to know" (I found some people were very keen to tell me all about labour/life with a newborn regardless of whether I wanted to hear about it at, e.g., 16 weeks...).

Your life won't change for the negative - there are negatives but these, for me, have been vastly outweighed by the positives, which go beyond having my own beautiful, snuggly newborn . It's really strengthened my relationship with my partner, and it's been lovely to see him bond with DS and to see how excited our families are.

Be kind to yourself, take things at your pace, and don't be afraid to lean on people for support and ask for help. And have lots of and if the nausea allows.

AcatcalledFang - You've very eloquently described a lot of how I feel. I'm 7+4 and I struggle massively with control. I don't want my body to change and the fact I can't control it or my hormones (which I've never had before and I'm terrified) has sent me into a total tail spin.

Did you get over the 'feelings of doom' by planning stuff? The thought of going shopping for baby things or even telling anyone I'm pregnant makes me feel sick - I feel so bad for thinking 'If there's no heartbeat at my scan, the choice has been made for me', however when I imagine a termination, I don't know if I would want to go through with it, as millions of women have coped in pregnancy so I feel a total wimp for feeling so bad.

It's lovely to hear you're so much happier now you have your child. I'm desperately hoping I feel like that - However there's the 'other voice', that says 'Loads of women regret having children, you hate being pregnant so why would being a Mother be any different?'

Speaking to my counsellor yesterday, she said it sounded as if I hate the 'thing' that's invaded my body and it's true - it's causing me to feel sick, cry all the time, have incredible dark thoughts, I do resent it so, so much and reading all of the posts 'Smug things I thought before I was a Mother and now I know differently' just makes me so depressed as I feel that even if I wanted to parent in a certain way, my life will be changed for the negative forever and I will never be able to have a semblance of my own life E.e when Mothers say 'I remember saying I'd make the baby fit around me... Gosh, how naive was I?' ...

I LOVE planning things - I'm going to be moving in with my boyfriend in November and I'm already planning everything. I'll try the mantra you suggested 'Today I'm pregnant and going to enjoy it', as I'm so desperate to feel happier.

Do hormones really settle down after the first 12 weeks or do you think you felt really bad throughout?

Sleepless - I'm sorry I can't offer any support as I'm much earlier than you, however the fact you've got as far as you have suggests that you are incredibly strong as I don't even know if I'll be able to continue this pregnancy as I feel so down. I'm just trying to take each day as it comes and talk to people as much as possible.

Please don't hate yourself - Noone on this website does and I imagine your Baby will love you more than anything. I have such bad guilt over everything, however you can't help how you feel, you are not a robot, you're amazing

Also with the guilt as that was my big thing too, see if you can use yourself as a test subject for practising parenting. Parent yourself through this as if you're the child.

Your child has you for a mum. IF you have harmed them (you haven't im sure) but suppose you had, you must get past the guilt being the focus of your life to be a great parent and bring out the child's full potential in life. So start practising your parenting on yourself, not harsh Victorian parenting where you send yourself to the naughty step for life and can't enjoy any moment in life but gentle unconditional forgiving accepting parenting that will nourish you to be able to be the best mother and advocate your child could have IF the worst had happened x

Hi sleepless iv told you previously on a former username but I was so anxious and depressed I went into a psych mother and baby unit. He's a healthy happy 3 year old now. Babies are incredibly resilient.

I think it's easy to get confused between risk of harm and definite harm. Anxiety can cause problems, but a lot of the time it doesn't.

One thing to remember is that it's not the psychological feeling of anxiety that causes problems but the physiological effect. Your baby doesn't know your thoughts, it can feel a fast heartbeat or perhaps less oxygen if your hyperventilating a lot. If you can't control the thoughts perhaps just focus as much as you can on controlling the physical symptoms of anxiety. Take some calming deep breaths if you think you're breathing too fast or try and unclench if your tense everywhere or whatever your physical symptoms are. And make sure to keep nourished with healthy food and drink and prenatals.

Some people do everything wrong and have healthy babies and some do everything right and don't but I would believe that your efforts and desires to keep your child healthy will be answered simply because that was my experience.

I found the war zone analogy helpful too

That's actually a really good point laurey. This is how my doc addressed my concerns about my earring disorder reemerging while pregnant and the stress that goes with it.

He told me the same thing; there are women all over the world who do not have access to a a decent diet, who have the stress of war and natural disasters who go on to have perfectly healthy babies.

However, that may not help as the anxietyaffe ts your ability to apply things to yourself (it's ok for those other women but it won't be for me because xyz)

I used to think about all the babies born all over the world, to women who are homeless, starving, in the midst of famine, fleeing war, beaten...

Not to mention the failed home abortions (think hot baths and gin).

Its a reminder of just how resilient your unborn baby is and how well adapted we are to having healthy babies even against the odds. Hang on to that thought if its any help x

OP, I didn't suffer anxiety to the extent of others who have posted on this thread (I never sought professional help for it, so may not be in the best position to advise) but I did find pregnancy to be an extremely anxious time.

In my case, it was due to a number of factors, including the pregnancy being unplanned (though very much wanted). I struggled with not feeling in control, both of my body and of how things would turn out. And I found new things to worry about each week - if it wasn't the alcohol and ibuprofen I'd had before I knew I was pregnant, it was the risk of Down Syndrome, then whether my nausea and diet were affecting the baby....and that's aside from the regular feelings of non-specific doom.

Things that helped me included: leaning on my partner, mum and selected friends who'd had babies; focusing on "today I'm pregnant and I'm going to try to enjoy it"; and preparing for the baby's arrival once I was in the later stages of pregnancy. I loved planning and shopping for baby things - the latter may not be for you, but for me it helped to focus on the fact that we would, all being well, be bringing a baby home.

You know what? He's here, just over four weeks old, and perfect . Despite nothing about his birth or first week going to plan, it's been amazing. He's actually a really chilled out baby! I won't lie, some days are easier than others, and newborns are a bit relentless - take all the support and help you can get. But when I held him for the first time, I felt like the luckiest person in the world, and I really hope it's the same for you. Hang in there!

Perfect words, fourfifthsof.

Sleepless, you will get through this.

I went through hell with ds 1 pregnancy. Dreadful anxiety and fear. He is a bright, boisterous, confident, sporty, popular, balanced 5 year old boy. Sorry for stealth boast. Be kind to yourself, these feelings will pass and soon you will be holding your baby xxx

Your unborn child isn't suffering, he's tucked up nice and warm and concentrating in the important business of getting ready to be born.

This isn't your fault, it's an awful thing that has happened TO you - it's not caused by you and you are not too blame for it.

You are doing your best at the moment and that is more than good enough. Just keep going and soon you will be holding your baby.

You feel that preparing for the worst means that if it happens it won't hurt as much, right? It's all about control - trying to control the outcome or your reaction to it.

Trying to control it is only making you hypervigilent which is then making you seek more reassurance which is then making you more hypervigilent... It's a really vicious circle and you need to break it... I am sure you know all of this already - it's one thing to hear it and quite something else to do it, I know.

Just keep going... You are nearly there. Try to avoid all medical /pregnancy related TV programmes, articles and doing any research for the rest of your pregnancy - I even stopped watching and reading the news as it just stressed me out.

I read mumsnet, Facebook and books about happy things, watched romcoms, box sets I already knew (happy ones) and comedy shows. Fill your brain with light things as far as you can... Just keep going. You can only have a few weeks left now? X

I'm deep in antenatal depression again, I have a 5 year old and a 13 month old and am currently 5 months pregnant. While pregnant with my 13 months old I went into deep depress at 8 mo this pregnant was section until I gave birth, as soon as I gave birth I forgot about every thing I had been through, I forgot about how I felt for the whole 9 months and accidentally here I am again, 5 mo this pregnant 2 kids to look after and 5 months pregnant, today I have achieved nothing and hi k you stupid cow what have you done, I swore I would never do this at let the kids I have suffer it all over again. Admittedly this antenatal depression is no where near as bad as I was last time, well I'm only half way through so I could get that bad again, I do have good days this time and feel fine, but today I feel sorry for the children I have and my husband through it again, he never says anything about that it bothers him but I k ow for him it must be hard to see me like this again, luckily he just gets on with it and he's self employed so can stay at home if needs be, which is what he's done today. I don't k ow if reading other people stories are a trigger or if it makes me feel better, I'm not sure but another day tomorrow lets see how we are x