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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for pregnancy anxiety / mental health survival stories?!

163 replies

Sleeplessinnorthlondon · 19/09/2015 17:22

Know many many people go through worse than me and this could be bloody self indulgent for which apologise but no amount cbt, distraction, sleep etc shifting deep primal fear that anxiety had throughout this pregnancy that have somehow how harmed the child, currently through the anxiety itself, and only thing found helpful on other threads been those kind enough to share stories of rubbish pregnancies with happy healthy endings. Were you stressed and anxious and tearful and or generally terrified and bonkers for nine months more than glowing? Did you come out the other side?! We're your babies affected or ok or even ok in the end?!

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Original poster
Sleeplessinnorthlondon · 16/10/2015 07:54

Exactly and that's the key. I try to think about it as music I allow myself to hear but try to avoid turning up.... What are your fears right now? X

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hairbrushbedhair · 15/10/2015 23:17

I so need to improve acknowleding my fears and not engaging with them

It's hard though isn't it? By the time the thoughts formed in my head I already feel bowled over by it. I'm not making much sense trying to verbalise what I mean - the idea being I think that a thought grows and if you except and acknowledge it without judging and analysing it or pondering on it then it can't take hold and overpower you

I find though I will be going about my day then zap in a heartbeat im overpowered and paralysed practically by a thought/fear

It is refreshing to remember though that thoughts are actually only hurtful to us, not the people we are worrying about

Original poster
Sleeplessinnorthlondon · 14/10/2015 18:25

Right - update!!! Disclaimer here that find it easier to comfort than be comforted but do believe therapist on all this even if struggle to feel so most days! 1. Fears about impact of anxiety irrational as actually our own judgement of how stressed we are or feel only somewhat correlates with cortisol levels or blood pressure in tests - it's just like when you're sick and feel freezing but are running a temperature, the sensation is misleading and not to be feared. 2. Were there any truly significant link between stress and poor outcomes we would know as it's been intensively studied, medicine hugely prioritises fetal health (see all campaigns on alcohol etc) and companies would be lining up to make money from pushing anti depressants etc. 3. You can't prove a negative so we can't know 100% that there's no risk but we do know not on a scale worth worrying about. As for techniques, all stuff am sure you know but key is to acknowledge rather than engage with the fearful feelings, let them sit there and not fight and wait and trust they will pass. They are hurtful for you, not your child.

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hairbrushbedhair · 14/10/2015 12:14

I do take comfort from my son and I know from him that whatever happens it will never be as awful as my anxiety can have me convinced in reality. Looking forward to hearing your CBT techniques xxx

Original poster
Sleeplessinnorthlondon · 13/10/2015 21:18

Going to talk through EVERY anxiety fear at cbt tmrw - normally just do techniques etc but will do and will post back here with all the reasons not to worry re anxiety. Age unmovable but lots of reassuring data on that as I am sure you know. Excellent idea contacting cpn...I understand the controlling thing - can you take any reassurance from the fact your son is thriving? X

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hairbrushbedhair · 13/10/2015 21:02

I think my GP is baffled by me tbh as I wasn't with them when I was ill in pregnancy (we've moved) and iv only started opening up about things now I'm contemplating no2

They've said there's tons of support in pregnancy available but nobody's offering any until I do get pregnant on the nhs anyway whereas I want the safety of a care plan before even TTC

I rang my old CPN earlier and left a message and hoping she will be able to speak to my GP about referring me to get a care plan done even before I get pregnant when she eventually gets back to me

The awful thing about the illness I had in pregnancy is its left me trying to control EVERY possible potential risk in the hope I leave myself nothing to be guilty about. I often see large ladies, even smoking ladies, etc and o know they have healthy kids but I just can't transfer that confidence to myself

But I know there will still be anxiety and age and the unknown even after iv controlled everything possible... xxx

Original poster
Sleeplessinnorthlondon · 13/10/2015 20:50

It's pure poison I agree!!!! It's so strange, hearing you someone I've never met say they are worried about impact of obesity makes me so sad as instinctively so confident impact tiny if existent as so many kids I teach have obese parents but super well and thriving but that's super hypocritical I know! You're right, the support is key. Is your gp kind? Good partner helpful but think sadly limit to what they can do and what we can expect - definitely taken its toll on my marriage - still here but he has definitely suffered.

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hairbrushbedhair · 13/10/2015 20:07

That's part of it I think - needing to find the right support and getting that in place

Giving myself a while to get super fit and healthy so at least I can feel iv controlled the risks I can control

The lovely daily fail just printed an article about obesity in pregnancy and that set me off Confused avoid that paper like the plague btw xxx

Original poster
Sleeplessinnorthlondon · 13/10/2015 20:01

Booyaka - thanks for sharing that, def taking as soon as born! Hairbrush - if I were you I'd get the right support lined up then go for it - you're clearly super caring and kind not mention intelligent and informed, I can tell you're a great mum and you've already done it once! Xxxx

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Booyaka · 13/10/2015 19:51

Sleepless, I tried without mess but it wasn't happening. Took sertraline from about 5 months with no ill effects. You have to weigh it up and see if it's worth the trade off, for me it was, no question.

hairbrushbedhair · 13/10/2015 19:46

I am ok... But in contemplating TTC again my fears have begun to come up again. Mainly things about being able to protect an unborn baby

It's not selfish at all, it's actually really therapeutic to be able to offer support in a situation so familiar to me x

Original poster
Sleeplessinnorthlondon · 13/10/2015 19:37

How are you doing right now? Realise been pretty selfish here and had impression you'd come through the other side - what is it you're worried about? Are you ok? Xxxx

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hairbrushbedhair · 13/10/2015 19:27

I'm with you. My fears are always not quite irrational enough, there is some validity to them... But it then spins out of control where someone else might be passingly concerned it could happen, I will become obsessed and convinced it's definitely going to happen... It's exhausting x

Original poster
Sleeplessinnorthlondon · 13/10/2015 19:23

True.... Just wish mine could be 100% classed as irrational!!!! Dh, parents, gp seems to think it is but I can't shake feeling it isn't...Thanks again for your support.

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hairbrushbedhair · 13/10/2015 19:14

I think in the end any parent has to just accept come what may and deal with any guilt secondary to helping their child through any struggles they face.

I expect many parents feel guilt even utterly irrational guilt such as passing on unknown genetic condition. I watched a programme (forget which some disability awareness doc) a while back where a mum was admitting she was eaten up with guilt over her child's condition - but it was entirely out of her control and just bad genes that she didn't even know she had when she got pregnant. Nobody ever would believe it was her fault, except her

It's one of the downsides to motherhood, mom guilt, thankfully there's many upsides to outweigh it. Problem with pregnancy is you don't yet have your hands full to distract you from dwelling on things x

Original poster
Sleeplessinnorthlondon · 13/10/2015 18:51

So many informed brilliant people here - not to mention kind!!! Think big part of my problem is used to being and working in field where feel confident about everything but it's a pretty small world really and so all these studies etc don't just confuse they terrify me because I can't understand them and it sends me into a tailspin. Need to get over self and calm the hell down. You're all brilliant. Thank you. Do you think plan of accepting anything that does happen always would makes sense? Even studies I've read that scare me say mix of environment and genes so anything he has he was always going to some extent? Or not? Will love him whatever just don't think can bear feeling guilt for any problems if is my fault.

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hairbrushbedhair · 13/10/2015 18:36

Studies can often be biased, or have flaws and so by combining as many known studies as possible into one big metastudy it can often show things that weren't expected from the outcomes of the smaller individual studies

If you download bad science by Ben goldacre he explains meta-analysis in his first chapter I think x

Original poster
Sleeplessinnorthlondon · 13/10/2015 18:23

Thank you and you're absolutely right too. Found out had anterior placenta which explains why sometimes not felt so many kicks and also just decided that if doctors all said have not harmed him then actually only sane thing to do is hold on to that, remind self is anxiety talking whenever I feel differently and then accept / try to believe if anything does go wrong it was always going to. Easier to say than fully believe but do believe that sane people I love and who know as much as me think it's the truth!

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Pobspits · 13/10/2015 17:22

Well worrying about worrying won't be helpful even if that were true?

I know it's very difficult but you cannot change what has already happened. Either you accept chances are he'll be fine or you accept you may have harmed him by worrying. Either way worrying now is definitely the wrong thing to do isn't it?

Fwiw as I've said before ds is fine

Original poster
Sleeplessinnorthlondon · 13/10/2015 16:48

Bloody hell, sorry to post again: sat outside hospital, scan in fifteen mins and just terrified to see him as feel so so guilty for having harmed him. Cbt etc works so long as it keeps mind off it all being dealt but it's is real and I feel so sure that I have harmed him. I know this isn't a maths or science forum so stupid to ask this but no idea how so many studies can show stress harmful then psychiatrist says metastudy of all studies shows its not. How do they get it wrong? This is me being stupid j know. Wish wasn't such a weak and useless person when get like this but I am and it's bloody terrifying.

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Original poster
Sleeplessinnorthlondon · 12/10/2015 19:43

Thanks everyone - so so helpful and supportive as ever. Just want to press fast forward to being self again assuming that ever happens!!! Really appreciate all your help, so so kind and absolutely priceless x

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madmomma · 12/10/2015 17:38

I did a pregnancy on high dose fluoxitine and had a very healthy baby, despite my gp having kittens over it. All the obstetricians I came into contact with were in agreement withdrawn my decision to stay on my normal mediation, despite a small risk. Their view was that untreated depression was more dangerous. I then did another pregnancy where I relented to the pressure from my gp and changed to sertraline. Big mistake rocking the boat. Awful pregnancy and I ended up having a breakdown and csec because I was too distressed to go through labour. Baby was considerably smaller than my previous two, with a crappy placenta, and I'm sure it was because I was less able to look after myself due to struggling with the new medication.

hairbrushbedhair · 12/10/2015 17:03

Glad all is okay!

As I say my DS is fine and I had severe anxiety and depression. I identify with it being the fear of being responsible for something going wrong. In planning out the future pregnancy I hope to have im already finding myself trying to control all the variables... But I wish I could just let go and accept what will be will be, after all it will be regardless of how much I worry about things x

53rdAndBird · 12/10/2015 16:19

I lived on Coke throughout my pregnancy. With hyperemesis it was all I could keep down a lot of the time; I even used to freeze it into ice cubes to suck when I couldn't manage liquids any other way. Pretty much kept Coca-Cola, Inc in business for nine months. My daughter is fine Smile

Pobspits · 12/10/2015 15:28

I spent my entire pregnancy with Ds on edge and panicking. Tbh it was the worst time of my lifeS every time I went to the loo I was paranoid I'd be bleeding, every time he had a sleep Id think he had died, if I rolled over in my sleep Id think I'd squashed him, I thought the fact I was overweight meant Id die in labour and so would he etc etc.

He's almost 9 now ?? and fine. Labour and birth was actually amazing and though he was a non sleeper I was so much happier and relaxed with a newborn that I was during pregnancy.

He does possibly have dyspraxia but not severely and otherwiSe is absolutely perfect and a right little sod at times.

I wasn't nearly as anxious in my next pregnancy but did suffer from PND that time so I think pregnancy just does something to my hormones which affects my brain!

Stay strong OP you and baby can get through this and it'll be worth it x 10000