To ask for pregnancy anxiety / mental health survival stories?!

Thanks Katie. Am on the perinatal mental health teams case load and have recently started taking sertraline at 50mg and am being advised to increase to 100. Very scared about the impact of the sertraline and the anxiety on baby is (been feeling this way since 20 week scan), positive stories from others is very comforting to me at the moment!

Ask your midwife to refer you to the peri-natal mental health team.
Also the NCT/other support groups often have coffee mornings/walk & talk and welcome expectant mums. You can build a support network.

Hi

dealing with really severe anxiety at 26 weeks with my first. Wondering if an posters had any updates/reassurance that everything turned out ok in the end with baby? Many thanks

Is any of you lovely ladies still using this account? I am in a very similar situation to @Sleeplessinnorthlondon and was hoping to hear how your children have all grown up? I’ve heard from a few loveky ladies who have shared experiences with me but hoping to hear some more if at all possible ♥️♥️♥️

Hi littlefeather32.
I’m so sorry for the very late reply! I never realised someone had commented on here. I only seen this as I have come on here because I’m considering having another baby!!
My last pregnancy was unbearable! The anxiety was crippling and I was a mess. The worst time in my life but I was gifted with such a beautiful little girl who is just over 2 years old and is perfect.
How was your pregnancy in the end?
I’m so scared to try again but would love another child. And I can feel the anxiety starting before even falling pregnant! X

Hey Hope32, same situation here. Hope we can get an update as that would be so helpful.

Hi sleepless
I was wondering how things turned out for you and baby? I’m going through the same thing as you and it’s awful x

DH changed all the nappies for weeks after DD was born. Literally all I did was feed and hold her, and rest and recover. You'll have time to adjust to the drugs, and once they've kicked in they'll help a lot with the anxiety. Your baby won't know anything about all this, so you're not short changing him. I wasn't excited and optimistic either, but my daughter has no idea - she adores me. It will be okay.

You don't have to do very many things at all when he first gets here. Do you feel like no matter what is going on in your mind, you'll be able to hold him? He won't know you're looking for signs something is wrong, etc. He'll just know your smell and touch.

The drugs will help if you need them. At worst, you may have 2 bad weeks while they kick in. And the few weeks after birth are usually the time you're most supported. So you can get through those weeks.

Right now, you have this strong horrible fear. That conviction is a process that's happening in your brain. It's not based on fact, right? Imagine a little neural pathway in your brain that is causing that strong fear. That's your fear pathway. Picture what colour it is (fear often feels red to me). Imagine it being flushed through with some sort of healing colour (green for me). I know this sounds mad. But just picture it washing the fear out. It's just a strong thought that's sitting in your head right now. Look at it, see it for what it is. You are stronger than that fear! You've come this far. You don't have long now, and you can do this

I'm here too Sleepless. I agree with everything Fluffy said. Especially this:

This is a Senior professional person, making time of of their schedule to call you and personally apologise as the things the idiots were saying to you were unholy untrue and completely WRONG.

As for your questions - I agree with all your answers! Here are my thoughts too:

1. If not harmed baby why so much out there about risks of stress in pregnancy?

There are so, so many different variables in any pregnancy. So much of what they warn us about is speculation. If stress were a definite link, we'd see far more repercussions in babies. All pregnant women feel stress to some degree, and far more than you'd think have severe stress and anxiety like the women on this thread. And you've had several health professionals reassure you (and as for the ones who haven't - you've just had a big apology about them.)

1. What if doctors think less stressed than am?

I think they know how stressed you've been, or they would not have been looking into a full investigation into your treatment. And as you said, you've been honest about how low you have felt.

1. What if something does go wrong and suddenly everyone changes their mind like family and friends and thinks I am to blame and been irresponsible in carrying on with pregnancy when clearly not up to it?

Carrying on with the pregnancy could not be seen as irresponsible. I think it's probably one of the hardest, bravest, strongest things you've ever had to do. I know that's how it was for me. Your family and friends, who truly care about you, will not be quick to start throwing around blame. Have they been that way so far? Is that in their nature? Or do they try to help, and understand, and support? Trust the people around you. They love you.

Morning sleepless - I'm working from home today and replying to you is way more important than any stupid work

OK, so firstly I'd suggest that sadly in any profession, there are going to be idiots and morons who have no clue as to what they're talking about. I've had it with Drs, which is why I struggle to actually respect their opinion and I'm also worried about what they're going to say.

However.... In the last year, I have had FAR more positive experiences with Medical Professionals than negative ones, so looking at it from a purely logical perspective - Chances are, the negative experiences aren't going to happen as often as I think they are (and so far, this is proven to be very true!).

In your case, you had the Home visit Team talk rubbish to you - this has been refuted by medical experts since then. This is SUCH rubbish, that you received a call from the Director of Mental Health Services, apologising to you. This is a Senior professional person, making time of of their schedule to call you and personally apologise as the things the idiots were saying to you were unholy untrue and completely WRONG. A full investigation? Yet more evidence that what happen to you was wrong.. and that they want to take steps to make sure it doesn't happen again.

The fact you're doing much better overall is great - OK, so you're feeling low today.. that's totally normal, noone can be OK all the time .

I've not been sleeping well either, and honestly, the difference it makes to my mood is just crazy - I slept so well on Friday night and on Saturday I felt like a different person. Then on Sunday night, I slept really badly and felt worse on Monday.... Are you going to try and get an early night tonight? Bath, warm milk, whatever works for you? Maybe eat some really healthy stuff for dinner, chill out.. and just get some control back?

In answer to your questions, all your answers sound spot on - However I imagine you'd like some affirmation to that?

1. If not harmed baby why so much out there about risks of stress in pregnancy? Answer: partly because could lead to risky behaviours which I haven't done and partly women who are even more stressed were in the studies I'd read according to a doctor so just not relevant.

• Totally agree, plus stress is a normal human reaction anyway. You've had a lot of people who have studied and practised medicine for years, giving you their opinion that you're absolutely fine. You say yourself, you've not done any risky behaviours, that's because you're awesome!

1. What if doctors think less stressed than am? Answer - you've been honest about everything and they are trained to assess people. You have to trust this.

• Precisely, you've been honest. You've not lied, you've told them everything you're thinking and feeling and they've made an assessment based on your answers.

1. What if something does go wrong and suddenly everyone changes their mind like family and friends and thinks I am to blame and been irresponsible in carrying on with pregnancy when clearly not up to it? Answer - you can't control this and all the sane people now seem to think no evidence of harm.

• You are up to it, you've been up to it for weeks and weeks and despite struggling, you've come through so much already. The scariest part is, you don't know what the outcome will be (even though it's 99.9999999999% that things will be FINE!) and that's terrifying - I totally get that.

However, you are not to blame and you never will be. Your friends and your family love you and will support you no matter what. If they don't, then they're not worth your time. You have asked for help when you felt low - that's very responsible. Everything you have done, is because you are responsible.

Keep going, you're getting there and in a few weeks you'll no doubt look back and be like 'Urgh, I was so worried, but everything came out fine in the end'

They have no reason to lie. If they truly thought there was a problem, they'd be scheduling appointments and scans and looking into it. That's their job. They're professionals and they're telling you the truth. And as Fluffy said, four doctors are good odds!

So:

• No more risk than anyone else
• No link between stress and asd in recent research
• No experience of negative outcomes in patients going through what you're going through

And I'll add to that:

• Numerous anecdotes on here from women who understand, who have been there, and who have come through it with no lasting ill effects to them or their babies.

All true. Believe them, believe us!

Sleepless - (on phone so forgive shortness of post but couldn't not reply)

You were so kind yesterday and really helped me, please let others do the same for you. Logically. ... statistically - Everything will be OK. Friends can sometimes struggle as they're your friends and don't want to say the wrong thing and upset you, but they're your friends for a reason and I imagine they care about you very much.

People are maybe taking their leads from you? If you're anxious, the last thing that anyone wants to do is forcefully say 'You're a muppet, stop being so silly' even if in your head, you know that what you're thinking isn't rational.

One Doctor might be wrong... even two - But four? Them some good odds :-)

Could you get some fresh air? Focus on something, anything (autumn leaves?) Just to calm down and realise that you're still here, you're still OK and you are still doing really well

Sleepless. Stop! Consider this a very very vigorous (yet cheerful) online shake!

These are the irrational thoughts talking. Four doctors have told you not to worry. I won't tell you to be happy, because I know how bloody hard that is! But just take some breaths. Acknowledge how you're feeling, and how it's the anxiety talking. It's not rational. It's not reality.

A word about the drugs - if you decide to go on them after giving birth, they will help. Truly. They can take a few weeks to have an effect, but once they do, you notice a real difference. You may not need them after the birth, but if you do - if it's still really bad - they're there, and they can help.

Now if you feel your thoughts start to argue against any of the things I've just said... to pick any holes in my words, or bring up any doubts... imagine a big red stop button is sitting on your brain, and press it really firmly! Because I'm definitely right about what I'm saying.

I'm so glad you're doing ok today Fluffy! I remember the sleepless nights filled with awful thoughts. I think your plan about the scan sounds really sensible. Do message me if you need

Thank you sleepless / Owl, you are both lovely and it's really nice to read your replies.

I do feel like I've 'achieved' something if I get through each day at the moment and the isolation is hard, however knowing other people have felt very similar to me makes me feel less of a freak.

Owl - it's so nice to hear that your DD is totally fine (and I imagine you're a brilliant Mum) I think that's what I'd be looking for at the moment, I might not be the life and soul of the party, but the lows wouldn't be there.. and I wouldn't have all of those negative / dark thoughts. My boyfriend also read all the information on Sertraline and he also pointed out that actually, the risks are very small and it would be best to get through the next 7 months as opposed to terminating (which deep down, I don't want to do) or killing myself.

Thankyou very much for your kind offer of messaging you - I'm doing OK today as I managed to actually get a good nights sleep and when I did wake up to go to the toilet, I went straight back to sleep and didn't lie there for hours, thinking of things! However if I do feel down, I might take you up on it? .

At the moment, I'm still opting to wait until my scan next Friday and see if everything is OK - However the tablets are on my living room table and if I do start feeling low again, I will make sure I reach out to my boyfriend / friends / you lovely people and revise my choice to wait to take the tablets.

In my head, if everything is OK in the scan, then that's great - if it's not and I need to make a decision, I know 100% it's not because I started taking the tablets and for whatever reason, that seems to be an overriding priority at the moment.

Thank you again for your posts - Sleepless, I hope you're doing OK today and having a lovely weekend .

Fluffy I posted earlier on this thread in support of Sleepless and I just had to respond to you too. You have pretty much exactly described how I felt when I was pregnant with DD. I was suicidal and considering termination too. I just wanted it all to end. I was put on Sertraline. I can't remember which week I started... not much further on than you, I think. It helped me to get through the pregnancy. I wasn't happy and excited like I wished I could be, but I wasn't suicidal either. It evened my mood out. And there have been absolutely no ill effects for DD either, she's now 2 1/2 and totally fine. Any tiny risks from the meds did not compare to the risk I posed to myself and to my child (either killing myself, or terminating). Please PM me if you need - I'm not in the U.K so often on at odd hours but will answer when I can.

Sleepless, thinking of you too, as always

I hope you don't mind me posting on here again - This week has been really bad and on Monday night I told my boyfriend I had to either terminate or kill myself as I just can't cope with the hormones and how I'm feeling at the moment. You wouldn't believe it as I'm usually this incredibly happy, 'vibrant' person who is always sociable, fun and the life and soul of the party and the last 6 weeks, I've been a crying mess, doubting my own mind and constantly worried / scared and anxious.

After speaking to him on Monday and my counsellor on Tuesday, I thought the best thing to do was to make an appointment with the Dr which I had this morning.

She was lovely and really did listen to me (between me sobbing my heart out) and suggested I consider taking anti depressants (Sertraline) I'm 9+6 at the moment so still have 'options', however in the rare moments I feel like me, I feel I really want to be a Mother and have this child, but 99% of the time, I feel utterly petrified, like I'm making the worst mistake of my life.

After the Drs appointment, I read up on Sertraline and the fact it can increase certain birth defects in the first trimester (although the risks are small to begin with) and feel so low - I couldn't live with myself if I somehow hurt 'it', yet at the same time, I don't know how much longer I can be strong (feeling OK at the moment) and not give in to those silly thoughts of ending things just to stop how I'm feeling at the moment. Booyaka - it's really good to hear you didn't have any ill effects, did you read up on things before you took them?

I'd literally give anything to feel happy, excited and 'normal' - My scan is next Friday, so I'm wondering if I can cope until then.... to see if everything is OK and then start taking them, so I'd be 10+6 and nearing the end of the first trimester.. In my head, 'every day I don't take tablets is one day closer to lessening the risk', however as the Dr pointed out, it's far better to take the tablets and feel less down, than go through with the thoughts in my head or terminate...

Out of all my friends and family, I don't know a single person in 'real life', who's got all these stupid / silly thoughts in their head - I never thought I'd feel like this and it's so overwhelming.

I hope everyone else on this thread is feeling OK and has a lovely weekend to look forward to