To have another baby when my first is autistic?

This is very very tricky. Although I haven't got a child with autism I work in Children's disability Service and work as a family worker.
Most of my case loads are with children who have autism.
Out of 24 case loads I have 6 families where the eldest child had autism and so have the other subsequent children. One family have 3 children with autism. She is at breaking point. In tis family the 1st child had autism and the following two have autism plus complex needs.

Three families have, within the last 7 months have to have their child with autism sent to a residential school on a permanent basis because once they reached puberty they became increasingly violent and this, obviously had a huge impact on the other children.

However many of the other families are kind of ticking over and 'just' need respite care.

There is no straight forward answer to your question I am afraid.

my second son has asd and learning difficulties ds1 is nt in my sons case his asd is thought to be the result of his chromosome disorder, although myself and my dh have been tested neither of us carry the disorder its just a spontaneous genetic change so if were to have another child the chances of it happening again would be slim .Ds is still not verbal and still in nappies he is' hard work' ie very hyperactive and destructive ,of course we love him to bits if he had been born first however I,m not sure we would have had another child but everybodys different and as its such a big spectrum autism affects children in different ways .

ds2 was diagnosed at 2 aswell. ds1, wasnt diagnosed till 7 and thats pretty late imo. He missed out on lots of the early intervention stuff that ds2 benefitted from

I think it depends on the severity of the first Childs condition
I was thinking yesterday that having siblings is one of the best things we could have done for ds1 who has mild aspergers and is in mainstream school. Although we didn't know when we had them as he was still young
If we only had ds1 then he would have been ableo do whatever he wanted and we would probably have stuck to his rigid routine/demands but because he is one of 3 he has to do things and go places he doesn't want to, he sees the other two playing and so sometimes gets drawn into thier games, he's learning how to interact with people and I do feel it will be beneficial for when he grows up and joins the real world .
Of course I don't know for certain he would t be the same even if he didn't have siblings

madmum dd was diagnosed a week after her second birthday after initial referral at 17 months and ds was diagnosed five months after first paed appointment at just 3. We are in Derbyshire.

madmum- we had a diagnosis at age 2.5 years, after 12 months of assessment. We are in Bristol.

Dc was already born when Ds had his Dx for us we didn't want anymore.
DH has had the snip.

I know mentally I wouldn't be able to cope.

Ds had worn me down.

I have two boys with HF autism and a NT(ish) dd

I think if youre happy with one child then thats reason enough to not have more, but if you really do want another, then I dont think its something that should stop you necessarily.
Mine do have extra help at school and statements etc, and my ds1 is in a special school. I have had lots and lots of struggles and fights with education, but theyre brilliant children all of them, and the world is richer for them being here. Autism isnt a death sentence, in fact the other side of the coin to autism is genius.
At 2, you might well be still panicking. You may have only recently got the diagnosis and havent found your feet yet. See how you feel as time goes on x

Your son is only 2 and already has a diagnosis? Where in the world are you OP?. We had our initial appointment a year ago and still no sign of an assessment date.

Anyway regarding your question, unless your son has very severe autism and will need 1:1 care for life then i wouldn't let it put me off TTC.

One question I would ask is do you feel you or your partner could be diagnosed with having asd or do you have clear traits? If this is the case I would be be inclined to believe the 'risk rates' would be higher - though as you point out the causes of asd are still very unclear.

Having watched the anguish and upset my first and only has gone through, there is no way I would take the chance of letting another child go through the sane.

In your position i would ask myself:

• do I want another child?
• could we manage if that child also had additional needs (this would be a bit of a guess)?
• could we manage if that child is nt?

If the answer to all 3 was yes I would go ahead.

*has

My ds1 has Asperger's, he is very high functioning and is doing very well in a good mainstream school. He wasn't diagnosed until last year, he is 6. We went on to have dd and ds2. Dd is NT and ds2 haas only just turned 1, so far we have no concerns with his development. Even if we were aware of Ds1s diagnosis before TTC our dd I don't think it would have stopped us.

My tartanscarf, my ds gas some awesome 'Aspie' traits too. Maths for one, his reading ability and he has a thing for dates. He can tell you the day for any date given, within seconds with no effort. His neurodisability pead likes him to demonstrate it to any students she has when we have an appointment! They're usually gobsmacked into silence, it's quite funny to see.

I'm glad we had 3dc, ds1 will always have his siblings when we're gone, his sister adores him and despite his 'issues' (mainly sensory, anxiety and socially) he is doing really well and has a few good friends.

I'm high functioning autistic and would not have wanted to be an only child. I might have felt differently if DB was severely autistic though (he is NT).

tartan - what you say about your DB is lovely. I think siblings are a gift to ASD children and vice versa. DS2 has a huge understanding and compassion for anyone 'different'. I hope DD will too (she is just 2).

My DS is 15 and is autistic. We decided not to have any more children once he was diagnosed and that was the right decision for us. We've been able to focus our resources and time on him, pay for therapies, assessments and legal support to secure the right education for him, and spend time doing 1:1 therapy with him. He's had more intervention and support (private special school) than many children who have more severe autism, but whose parents have had to share resources with siblings (often also autistic). Sometimes they've not even been able to get a statement or DLA because juggling several children means that they haven't been able to cope with the masses of paperwork and legal knowledge required. The system helps those with the most resources and time; which is certainly not fair, but it's the way it is, and if you have more children then you will inevitably end up with fewer resources for each child.

I think it could be good for your ds to have a sibling.

My DD was only 10 months when I fell pregnant with DS. DD went onto be diagnosed with autism and DS is very likely to be diagnosed this year. I would love another child but will not have one. It makes me angry because in addition to the struggles of having 2 children with SN I feel like my chance to have a third has also been taken away. I honestly don't know if I would have had a second DC had I have known DD had ASD.

My dd nearly 7 has Autism and we have a 3 year old ds, who has speech delay, but apart from that, nt. Yes there is always a risk that your second child could have ASD. Dd is fairly high functioning and doesent require much care.

Nicki - autism isn't a begatice

Too right. It's part of them and you love them.

So far so good!

I have 3 boys

eldest is always in and out of hospital. He has health problems so has a lot of over night stays. Hes autistic and ? Adhd.

I wanted to stop at 2 as when ds2 was 6weeks old ds1 had to go to theatre, dh couldnt have the day off work so I had both in hospital with me. Thats when we decided no more. Few weeks later I found out I was expecting. I was going to have an abortion but couldnt do it. I had a few hospital stays during the pregnancy too and so did ds1. Was bloody hard.
I would love to try again for a girl this time but I wouldn't be able to manage so just had the coil put in.

Ds1 asd and ds2 is also showing asd traits.
ds1 is 4, ds2 is 18months and ds3 is 6 months

Lego

Living with my brother was not an easy life but I am a firm believer that just sometimes the hardest things are the most special.

Here are the AWESOME things about having a brother with Aspergers!

1. You never get lost! My brother is like a sat nav - he has a phenomenal memory!

1. His interests become yours because they are so passionate. I know my dinosaurs! I also know about Star Wars, roman history and erm - more recently - the missing plane!

1. They are always honest when your outfit looks crap!

1. They don't have a mean bone in their bodies or that's true of my DB. Despite being incredibly physically strong he is very gentle.

1. So so patient. My brother just doesn't know the meaning of the word moody.

1. You explain the world to them and through that understand the world better yourself.

1. You become used to an early age to the fact some people are mean and this isn't a reflection on you.

Yes, my brother is autistic but that's not going to stop him or me. All I know is I'm right behind him whatever he does and I think his life is really enhanced by me but then mine is too by him.

We have DS1 with ASD, and went on to have DS2 who is probably NT (only just turned 2). We have quite a big gap between them as we wanted to be sure we could manage DS1 before chucking a baby into the mix.

I have two with ASD. Concerns were raised for my PFB when I had just given birth to my second child. He was diagnosed then it turned out my second child had it too. I have two utterly amazing children, I am SO very lucky . Knowing what I know and having experienced life with two with ASD I would do the same again every time. It's also worth noting I am a lone parent with little input from their father and I still would. For me autism is not a negative thing. I feel lucky to have my children exactly as they are. On the flip side though, I DO worry about their future when I am not around and all I can do is take it one day at a time.