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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to go on holiday without him because my dp can't afford it

133 replies

atwitsendbutpaddlinghard · 05/11/2014 20:25

I can afford holidays, my dp can't (he is self employed, earns very little but works very hard, lives in my house and only has to keep himself). I usually pay for both of us. We've been to lots of lovely places he could never have afforded to go if I hadn't paid. He says he can't afford to lose more working days to go on holiday this winter and it stresses him out when I ask him to go with me, which I can understand. AIBU to go without him even to places where I know he'd love to go. He feels upset at the thought of it. I've been lucky to inherit money. I feel life is short and I want to take the opportunity to go places, even if it is selfish. WWYD

OP posts:
Original poster
atwitsendbutpaddlinghard · 05/11/2014 20:35

Wow quick responses thanks - not married, hugely divergent incomes, prefer to keep separate finances, no children, yes I subsidise him on household expenses, meals out etc, he pays token amount towards household expenses and for his own food. I guess I'm asking how to tactfully go without causing resentment.

OP posts:
Boomtownsurprise · 05/11/2014 20:33

Doesn't sound like my def of family.

whats your definition?

Looseleaf · 05/11/2014 20:33

I sort of see googood's point and it depends how committed you are- DH and I would never dream of anything being more mine than his but if he doesn't have the time rather than it being a financial issue that's different.
This is a tricky one. I'd think he should support you to go as you should be encouraged to meet your dreams unless he thinks it's not in your interests and not a sensible use of money - could you be using up too large a proportion on stuff that doesn't last?

Primadonnagirl · 05/11/2014 20:30

I think that's sad...you know he'd love to go he works hard but just can't afford it.How would you feel if other way around? Love means sharing doesn't it? Maybe go somewhere less glamorous but somewhere you can afford to go to together? Travel is fabulous but cherish the people you love.

googoodolly · 05/11/2014 20:30

If you're living together, why aren't your finances joint? I also iive with my DP and we pay for everything together. Is he really struggling for cash whie you live off an inheritance? That sounds a bit mean.

Comito · 05/11/2014 20:30

Gosh, that's a tough one. Can he do some weekends rather than weeks away? I can't help thinking that if you went away without him it would cause resentment, though I do understand your position too.

Perhaps have a couple of nice weekends away then save your cash to pay for lovely holidays when he can take the time off?

formerbabe · 05/11/2014 20:28

GO!

Does he not contribute anything to the household running costs?!

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 05/11/2014 20:27

I'd go. Its your money and you can do what you like with it.