to go on holiday without him because my dp can't afford it

The issue I think is not that he earns less but that he doesn't contribute anything to the household running costs...how low is his income if he can't contribute at all? The op shouldn't have to subsidise everything.

How have you so much time for holidays? Do you work?

Yabu

I think when you live together money should be equal regardless of any children and agree with what has been said up thread about quality of life being the same. If you live each other enough to want to live together then it shouldn't be a what's mine is mine approach.

If you didn't live together so had separate lives and money and weren't that serious about your relationship then Ywnbu.

Are you a couple or not?

If you're a couple , it's a pretty mean to swan off because you can afford it and he can't.

Why don't you go somewhere he doesn't want to go and save the places where you know he'd love to go to go with him, rather than rub his nose in it.

I would think if you were a couple in a live in, committed relationship, it would be very mean to go without him. I used to earn more than DH for years though I don't now - since children - but we paid into bills etc in proportion to our income and if I could afford to treat him I did. Different if he doesn't WANT to take time off though vs not being able to afford it.

He is having a materially far far nicer life living with me etc.,

Is he your bit of rough to someone else's Pretty Woman ??

A bit sad for both of you.As a previous poster has said if the situation was reversed and the female partner earned very little there would be uproar if her male partner posted a similar OP. Either you love this man enough to treat him equally or you don't.

I think this is quite sad... He works hard but doesn't make much- you were lucky to inherit money. I just couldn't do it- I wouldn't enjoy the holiday knowing this- I'd think of a compromise like a weekend away together somewhere less expensive. I think that's what love is about. But if you're happy, I see no problem- it's a personal decision really.

It sounds more like you're shagging your lodger than living in partnership with him.

If he's your partner then I don't believe there should be such inequality.

You say he's a hard working man. Well he can't help what he earns.

But the OP is paying for his holidays. He doesn't want to join her because he doesn't want to take any more time off work. Should the OP really have to forgo a holiday she wants and is willing to pay for if he doesn't want to take the time off?

Don't.

If you were a male posting this you would be slaughtered.

You are either in a partnership or you are not.

My then BF then DF now DH of 25 years has always earned more than me, but we are a couple and so it goes...

I bring to his life a level of organisation he had only dreamt of, but keep it in the background if that makes sense.

We have a DC's now, but prior to that he always earned more than me and we only ever went on holidays we had ring fenced money for.

Sounds to me like he is a lodger with benefits and TBH it is a recipe for disaster.

All relationships are different but if one of you feels unhappy about this then it's a bit of a shame. I am in a civil partnership, have been for 8 years. We have separate finances but pay jointly for all household stuff, she gets paid a lot more than me so buys more extras. I must say I can't imagine her going on holiday without me because I couldn't afford it or vice versa. I think we would both feel really mean.

I don't think you can continue like this without it affecting your relationship, you just can't have your cake and eat it long term if you want your relationship to have a future.

I wouldn't pass up an opportunity to go on holiday that only you can afford, but actively planning to have all the holidays you want for years to come while the person you love and are in a relationship with has to stay at home working just isn't conducive to a happy and healthy relationship.

Daisy yy, that was kind of what I thought. If it was me I'd want to enjoy the holidays with DH, not go on my own.

Surely it's his decision to not take the time off? I'm assuming that you are prepared to contribute to the overall cost for both of you.

You call him a partner but it doesn't sound much like a partnership to me.

I kind of agree with Googoo. I couldn't imagine living with someone who only paid for themselves to go on holiday.

Are you both paying the same proportion of your salary towards household expenses?

I must admit if it was shoe on other foot and you were living with dp....earning less and buying your own food whilst he was swanning away on holiday to destinations you wanted to go....I'd prob say that's really mean....

Anywhere you could go that he wouldn't fancy?

If a man came on here saying he wanted to go on holiday but his partner couldn't afford to pay her share he would be torn to shreds and called a whole heap of names yet ok for a women to do it

Do you intend to travel alone or with friends or family? I wouldn't miss out on your holidays....it's your money

I just think if you're living together as a couple, you should have the same quality of life and financial equality. DP earns a little more than me, and I would be thoroughly pissed off if he swanned off on holiday without me because I couldn't afford it.

Surely you can either both afford a holiday, or neither of you can? It seems horribly unfair otherwise