to be a bit upset that we're no longer included in family gatherings because we asked that the dogs be closed away?

Can I suggest that YOU host the next family get together and just state that dogs are not invited. That way you get to see your family without the dogs.

your asking of them what they canoot and do not want to give...stop it, they sound awful, learn to live without them.

Blimey!

I am dog bonkers and I would absolutely shut away a dog that had tried to bite a child if we were having company!

Why on earth would you run the risk of a child being hurt or your dog getting more distressed?

I wouldn't have to be asked but if I was I would understand.

I do think that children need to be helped not to be nervous of dogs even if the parents are dog haters because dogs are everywhere. I will admit to being a bit judgy (but just a bit) when kids go all daft when they have to walk past my two tiny dogs on leads and their parents are the same.

Why would you not want to do something to avoid that stress every day?

But that is beside the by for now. OP I don't think you are being unreasonable and your family sound like arses.

YANBU when my FILS dog snapped at my DD (and later bit her on the bottom) DH insisted the dog was sent to another room when we visited.

FIL wasn't happy about this but did it....because he'd hate for his dog to bite a child badly. The dog nipped her bottom once and we decided that the dog wasn't safe around kids. He never broke the skin but one exploratory bite was too many.

People before animals, every time. Unfortunately, lots of people with dogs see them as people but they are not!

Think yabu. As far as i can tell from your posts its not even their dog that snapped in the first place.
I do agree that its not fair to be talked about.
Btw, not a dog owner!

As pp have said, it's the way your family have handled this that is hurtful. They have shown you clearly that the dogs come before you and your kids. And if they are using this as a reason not to spend time with your poorly DM or to help out in any way, then frankly I think you're better off without them. I know that doesn't ease the sadness and disappointment you will feel. Do you have in-laws who can compensate and give you some support, or friends? It's sad that family don't always live up to what you might want of them.

YANBU - put the dogs away. Its only for a few hours - what does it hurt. I hate dogs sniffing around me when I'm eating anyway.

For those who are saying people before animals - definitely! Your people before someone else's animals in your own homes.

If someone is coming to be fed and looked after in somebody else's home then they need to fit in. If their children are afraid of the dog that lives in that home then I wouldn't mind a bit if they didn't come at all.

If the parents were particularly hard work in the way they dealt with it, I can well imagine they'd get "regarded as neurotic and ridiculous" and become "isolated" because of it. And I'd possibly feel a bit sorry for the poor children of the mother.

Of course do carry on sticking to your guns OP, you're more than entitled to do that. But you can't be surprised when other people have their reactions to your behaviour and find you a little too much like hard work to bother with.

I don't think you're unreasonable.
I think they are!
When a dog had snapped at a child already... OMG! Cannot believe the owners aren't wary of their dog being around kids.
If it was my dog, I'd be mortified and would always put my dog away if children came round.
I think these people you mention are bloody awful, and incredibly blinkered and selfish.
I'm sorry for you being treated in such a senseless way.

I like dogs, I'm not nervous of them and would probably have one myself if I wasn't really allergic to them.

I would not want my children around a dog that is known to snap (at children), particularly if I also knew that the dog was not handled properly and treated like a child itself. Isn't that just common sense?

Unfortunately, you can't insist on your family keeping the dog away from the children. So you are left in the position where you effectively aren't welcome. It's sad that your wider family have prioritised the dogs over you and your DC.

I'm confused OP. Are you or your children coming into contact t with the dog you mention who has a history of biting? If so, then YANBU to not want your children near this particular dog
If you are just using this as an example, and don't actually know the dangerous dog then YABU to use it to tar all dogs and owners.

Dogs should be supervised with children and by not addressing a dog fear with your children now you are setting them up for a phobia in the future that will affect their day to day lives, as dogs are everywhere.

Yanbu

People before animals in my book.

People always come above animals in my book.

Wether anyone agrees with shutting dogs away or no, they could have handled it nicer, spoken to you about it etc rather than slagging you off behind your back.

Though honestly I wouldn't ask for dogs to be shut away.

Maybe they could have helped you with your DCs nervousness.

You are not at all unreasonable. I am sorry that your family has acted so insensitively in response to your very reasonable wishes. Stick to your guns - as you have said, your true friends have already acted appropriately in keeping dogs separate from younger children.

I can totally understand why you asked that and why you're upset

But you can't dictate how people do things in their own homes, all you can do is say that if they do x you can't/won't visit. Unfortunately they've taken you up on that

Could you attend for short periods of time if you kept your dc close to you?
A

Is it anxiety though, when the OP knows that there is a dog at family gatherings that tried to bite a child? To me that sounds like a reasonable worry.

If the family were bothered it wouldn't be the end of the world to keep the dogs in a separate area whilst the OP is there.