to be a bit upset that we're no longer included in family gatherings because we asked that the dogs be closed away?

I have two cats.
Anyone that comes to the house, anyone at all, I ask if they mind cats and usually they are shut out before the person arrives.

My cats don't even like strangers but I'd hate for anyone to feel uncomfortable in my home.

OP, YANBU!

What a shame.

If anyone ever comes to our house and is uncomfortable around our dog, I shut her in the utility room, and she has the most beautiful nature of any dog I've ever known. I then try and explain to the child that they should try and stroke her etc. My dog has helped several children overcome their fear of dogs.

Learning how to behave around animals is a life skill, like crossing the road.

I know I'm going off track, but those friends who separate the dog are obviously sensible and responsible. I'd use the opportunity of getting to know that dog in order for her to overcome her fear.

Your DD needs to know that most dogs are lovely. I have the opposite problem, with a DD who struggles not to think that every dog she meets wants to be her friend. I have taught her never to stroke or approach a dog without first asking the permission of the owner - you just never know.

I know one little girl whose anxiety was so extreme that she couldn't go for walks in the woods, or go to the park. IMHO, her mother fed this anxiety, saying things like "Oh, here's a dog, don't panic (in a very panicky voice!), although she was unaware of this, I think.

Through spending time with my dog, she no longer runs like a headless chicken, screaming and flapping about, which is a result.

Her mum tried to deal with it by avoiding dogs , or picking her up and moving her out of the way, till I asked her how her daughter would cope when she's bigger, if she was walking home from school and saw a dog walking towards her. Probably by being so panicked that she'd run into the road, I suggested. She dealt with it then.

I know I'm going on (and on) but don't let your daughter's anxieties get out of hand, OP! If she's aware that animals need to be shut away when she enters a house, that is sending her a strong message that they are bad and to be feared, and that she should not be near them.

The posters on here telling you YABU are exactly why you are not - you just cannot trust people to think in a sane and rational way when it concerns dogs.

The fact that an animal has already tried to bite a child's face and your family cannot see that there might be an issue and want to do everything they can to ensure that other children are kept safe makes them selfish arseholes.

Sorry they are treating you badly.

YANBU. DC2 (minding his own business at the time) was attacked under very similar circumstances as a toddler. For years he was then petrified of dogs, flying into a panic when one was in close proximity ... unsettling to even the most chilled-out of dogs. He's now 7 and is quite a lot better, but it still makes me angry that the dog owner whose house it was never acknowledged that a) he had 2 very badly trained and behaved dogs and b) visiting children are higher up the hierarchy than twattish dogs. Never went again.

Luckily, thanks to separation / divorce, he is no longer a close family member and his dogs have quite a lot to do with that

I completely understand that treasued pets are part of the household, whether they're dogs or anything else - but my understanding stops when an animal's needs are set above those of people

I had a friend whose family dog was "their baby" They crocheted it little hats, cooked it fudge (!) and absolutely insisted that they couldn't possibly train it as that would be cruel. Sadly, it's brain became so scrambled that eventually it savaged her mother and had to be put down ... so much for their claimed kindness to animals

Sorry pressed too soon, They are being TOTALLY unreasonable. If they have a dog in the family (did I read it right that it was one of their dogs?) then they are completely out of order not shutting it away. Why run the risk of having a serious bit? It's obviously not safe around kids. You do right staying well away from them.

YANBU. People who treat dogs like children are weird.

I don't think YANBU to ask for a couple of hours. More, yes. It is also the dog's house.

And how can you ask for a dog, someone's pet, a living creature, to be killed when it hasn't actually bitten anyone? That is really going too far.

I am not defending snappy or bite-y dogs, but OP you say early on, 'the owner blamed the incident on the child'. Why is that?

I have had children throw stones at my dog's face. And poke her with sticks. And jump over the fence into her garden. Whilst I would never condone her reacting aggressively, I'm sure we can all understand why an animal would in those circs. Was the child really just walking innocently past and the dog suddenly lunged? Or did the child actually do something dim like scream in the dog's face or throw something at it?

I don't think YABU to want the dogs shut away.

However, if it were my house shutting my dogs away would cause me too much stress. They wouldn't understand it and whine and bark all the time they are shut away. My stress level would go through the roof and it simply would make me dread your visit.

Is not a question of my dogs being more important than children. But they are part of my family life, and they are my consideration.

However, I do understand your feelings on it, and I certainly wouldn't bitch about you. I would do everything in my power to meet up with you and your family at other venues without my dogs, at restaurants, other family members houses, at your house etc.

My dog is part of the family but it wouldn't kill him to be in another part of the house for a few hours. I always have some special toys and treats prepared, so he doesn't feel miffed (he's a real people dog) and everyone is happy.

Ps. I fully understand the child had SEN and do not blame her. Had we known she was coming we would have mad provision for dog not to be there.
Feel child should have been supervised by gps

Arrgh posted too soon.
About -10.
This continued several times. Gps would not intervene. I brought dog back into main room and sat her next to me to supervise. Asked gps to distract child. Child jumped at dog again. Dog was on my lap by this point. Dog barked and snapped.
Childs gps wanted dog pts. I refused. I dont think I was unreasonable. Dog was fine around all other people and had been harrassed and physically hurt for around an hour.
MIL asked gps not to bring child around again.

I personally would move the dog so yanbu.
On the other hand there was an incident involving my old dog and a child and I still allowed ddog around children.
Just after FIL died MIL had a gathering in her house. We were staying with her for support so ddog aged about 10 was with us,ddog had fairly recently had surgery. MILs friends bring there granddaughter with them who has various learning difficulties.Child is around 9 years old but large for her age. I supervised contact between child and dog and carefully explained to be gentle.As soon as it became apparent that child did not understand and kept jumping on dog I removed dog and put her in a bedroom.
Went to tell the childs gps ( not in a nasty way)who just smiled and said "oh, she likes dogs"
In the meantime child has found dog in the bedroom and is jumping on her. Tell the child " no,you will hurt her and dog is going to sleep"
Didn't want to lock dog outside as it was January and about -1

If I have a party, people come to my home, which is also the home of my pets. One Aunty and uncle have never been due to her allergies.

I'm afraid that's the crux of it for me. I understand people's preferences and they are free to hold their own get togethers if they wish.

Your extended family sound odd if they totally ostracise you over the dog issue and it sounds as though not socialising with them is a bonus. Are you able to see your ill mother or are the dogs stopping you doing that? If you're seeing your parents I'd leave the rest of them, I think you wanting to see them for support sounds unrealistic as they don't sound supportive people. Find friends to support you.

I love my dogs and know that in normal circumstances they would never bite anyone, they never have and have never shown any indication. However I would put them away at a large family gathering without any request to do so, (the only exception is with my side of the family where we have get togethers which end up with 13 dogs!) and would never expect anyone to put up with them.

I'm very conscious that they are big dogs, they have a loud bark and can be intimidating (labs) to anyone who is nervous or unused to dogs and always make sure they are behind another door when someone comes to the house - I don't get the attitude of "if you don't like it don't come round".

Could NOT lock her away...

Annoying for you OP.

I lock my dog away for people with dog phobia, but there is a time limit. Say, a bbq that starts in the afternoon and runs late into the evening... I couldnog lock her away for 6 hours!

So the owner won't shut the dogs away?

But are these dogs also taken to other rellie houses?

And they won't shut them away either?

I love dogs. I grew up with dogs. My youngest 3 DCs grew up alongside my 2 giant breed dogs.

Over the years there's been occasional visitors to my home (young and old) who have been wary of dogs so my dogs have stayed in the kitchen or the garden for a bit. It's no big deal. What is there to stress about? I'd have done the same with the cats too. They're animals. They'll be fine. We had a baby gate between the kitchen and the living room for precisely this reason. In fact when new visitors came to the house we'd put our big dogs behind the gate until the visitor said we were ok to let them out.

An interesting thing though - i learned this healthy attitude to handling dogs from my parents when i was young. They loved their pets but weren't daft about them. HOWEVER - roll on a few years until i'd left home and wanted to bring DCs round to visit and what do we find now? Nasty, bitey, yappy dogs treated like ''one of the family'', never shut away, being fed scraps off the table, growling at visitors, and having excuses made up for them for snapping at the kids!

Why? What happened to their healthy attitude to pets? Baffles me.

YANBU and your family sound very unsupportive. I agree that you probably need to find some better support elsewhere.

I love my dogs. They're gorgeous soppy bundles of black curly cuddly fur. They are allowed up on laps on sofas, they are allowed all over us when we are on the floor. They are absolutely family members.

But when people visit, if they don't like dogs (as my sister doesn't) then the dogs go in their crates, with lots of chew toys and treats to keep them entertained. It's daft to suggest that I subject my sister to the dogs (which she would hate) and equally daft to subject the dogs to my sister (who would flap, make high pitched noises and upset them). As I adore both dogs and sister, I keep them separate. Keeps everyone happy!

YANBU.

I have a lovely, well trained and child-friendly dog who has never shown aggression towards anyone, but absolutely would (and do) put her in another room if my guests were afraid or nervous of dogs. I do this because I value my family, their children and it my dog may miss out on some of the fun but she will get over it!

I am that any adult would insist that a scared child should either tolerate the dog(s) or be shown the door. And this is family?

To quote a pp:

Their response IS 'fuck off it's my house and I'll decide what to do'. Which makes them shit family members who don't give a toss for you or your DC. Stop going, and don't have them round

Absolutely.

You are better off without them OP.

P.S. Some dog owners I know do put their dog first to the extent that it is very well aware of it's priority in the "pack." It's this that makes a dog more likely to attack irrespective of breed.

I adore my dog. However, I would and do shut him in another part of the house if we have fearful visitors. I'd hate for a guest to feel terrified in my home. As a child, I was beyond petrified of dogs and I always think back with kindness on the people who didn't force their dogs upon me. So, it's time to pay it back a little.

Out of interest, zeezeek, would your response still be 'fuck off it's my house' if you'd actually seen one of your dogs try to bite a small child?
Sorry, I know very few dog owners and I'm just trying to gauge this.

"my dogs have never snapped at anyone - child or adult and are well trained and under control"

Well, that's the difference then isn't it zeezeek.