Why are the richest always the tightest?

Some very rich are generous. Lovely old gentleman in our city self made has given so much away to benefit the area built wing of art gallery, extended local college. Met him at an event and he gifted £10k to dds state primary didn't want any fuss.

you can't really generalise. me and dh are both self employed and have to be careful as our work is quite seasonal. ..it's feast or famine as they say. We have a cushion of small savings and give to a couple of charities by direct debit. but yes sometimes we do splash out on something if work has been good eg a really nice holiday but then we might have to be very frugal for the following few months. I think all our friends in more stable jobs understand that though so I hope they don't think we are tight. ..we always pay our way and tip etc when we go out.

Some additional explanations of why well-off people may seem tight even when they aren't. (Though of course one can be well-of and tight.)

1. The amounts/things you are keeping track of are to small for them to monitor, they haven't noticed they're in the red in your mental account. (I often see money-related AIBUs that I couldn't have written, because I wouldn't have noticed that someone was being "cheeky", or cared if I had noticed.)

2a. They have a different view of money. If you are poor and expect always to live hand-to-mouth, I suppose you may regard any money you don't need before the next pay-day as expendable. On the other hand, if you are well-off enough and of a mind to have an important savings target, for example a £500,000 mortgage you're not confident will be paid off before your job is outsourced to another country, every unnecessary penny spent on something else is a failure to be guarded against. (Though both poor and well-off people can be savers or spendthrifts, so this is as much about outlook as wealth.)

2b. It is illogical for anyone in debt or with an unmet savings target to be giving money away. If you have a mortgage, or don't know that you can pay for everything you'll need for the rest of your life out of savings, perhaps you shouldn't be giving to charity. (Was it Joan Rivers who joked that she didn't know what she could spare, as she wasn't dead yet?) (Though maybe this is an outlook more prevalent among people who haver never considered relying on anyone else, including the state, for their income. I grew up in a country without a social security system, and avoid poverty with the same dedication I devote to avoiding death.)

1. If you get to a position in life where you can afford to give money away, it's extremely unlikely that you will give it to a cold-caller knocking at your door. The intellectual rigour you devoted to accumulating money will be devoted to giving it away, you will choose who to give money to, not chuck random amounts at people who happen to knock on your door. (See Bill Gates.)

My parents were rich, but incredibly frugal, never went out for meals, never bought things they considered frivolous, like extra clothes, really believed in "make do and mend". However, they would unobtrusively give thousands to friends or family to fund travel, education, musical instruments: things they valued. (They would also tip generously, on the incredibly unusual occasions that they found themselves in a restaurant.)

I would never criticise someone for deciding they don't want to spend their money on small luxuries, as long as they have generosity of spirit. My father had the reputation of being a skinflint, but my parents left enough money to fund all their grandchildren's university education (in the US, which is way more expensive than here).

I remember attending one millionaire's lecture about success.

1. always save
2. never borrow/lend for personal needs (only for business)
3. don't buy things that you don't really need.

I think people here mistake tight for careful.

I am careful, my Dad is careful, I look around for cheap electricity suppliers, I use coupons in restaurants ( huge standing joke with friends), I regularly support a couple of charities but never give to on street collections and I do pay service in restaurants but not if it has been bad.

I always have good food and drink for friends but some of it might come from aldi or the bin ends section!

I have some friends who are wealthy beyond my dreams. They are generous to charity. They don't donate into every collection box because they have chosen the charities that they support in different ways, including being directors. Those charities benefit greatly let's just put it that way. They are generous to friends, but they don't waste money paying over the odds, they'd still get quotes for a building repair for example! I'm not rich but I also choose which charities I support, rather than putting money into every tin that's rattled. You just can't tell.

My brother and I went to different private schools, where we were from one of the least well-off families. We agreed once that our experience was that the wealthier a friends family, the more generous and hospitable they were.

One of my former work colleagues told me she went no contact with her brother "because he was so skint".
In fact, he had won a comfortable (not life-changing) sum at the lottery and had given her his washing machine when hers broke down.
She went N/C because she felt he should have bought her a brand new one.

Possibly because they're busy avoiding getting ripped off by people who notice how much they have?

In life I have met some very rich people, at uni my best mate was the richest girl there

One of my other mates is also very tight fisted, yet shes bloody loaded.

What an awful way to describe people.

We are cash-"rich" although it rarely feels like it and time-poor.

I give generously of my time to charity and fundraising. We also donate money.

But...It's not just about money.

FWIW we endeavour to be generous hosts, and generous with presents, although I'm aware of having gone OTT in the past so now trying to reign it in a bit.

At university I received a small grant yes I'm that old but could see from my LEA's paperwork that the "rich girl" on campus received waaaay more than I did. Looks can be deceiving.

I know what you mean but it is a huge generalisation!

Take for example people like Bill Gates - I understand that he is fairly generous

I think sweeping statements are ridiculous.

Family are very well off and have given a car to a long term friend when he lost his job and couldn't get to see his grandkids.

Have given land for a good cause for free.

Make regular donations to select charities and the list goes on.

Sisters in laws are middle/low income and tight as a gnats arse.

So in my knowledge the poorest are the tightest the rich are generous.

Only that statement I know to be bollocks because my personal experience is not reflective of the universe!

I generally think tipping is a key determinant of whether someone is simply careful or selfish. Not tipping when someone is on min wage and no service charge is cheap and selfish and therefore tight.

I lost a lot of respect for a previous employer when they refused to tip a waiter who'd served a table of ten all evening - and done a really good job of being unobtrusive but attentive. The meal would have cost upwards £500 and was business expenses.

I would agree with this - my most well of friends gave DD re-gifted things that were stained, and most recently, bagged a lift in our cab on the way home from a party, took us well our of our way and tried to get out of contributing to the fare!

Obviously it takes all sorts, but in my relatively poor block of flats, there is quite a difference in size between the biggest and the smallest, and when I was treasurer you could guarantee that all the people from the smallest flats would pay the administration fee on the dot every month, whereas too many of the people from the fancier flats would be forever thinking of excuses not to pay.

I am rich and I think it is entirely up to me where I shop and whether or not I sponsor friends who are doing things that they want to do for charity. I give to whichever charity I feel like giving to. Or not. I like to think I am generous with friends to the point where I get on my own nerves, insisting on paying for things. It was lovely recently when I made arrangements to go out for lunch and my friend made it clear it was her treat.

how do you know they aren't donating to other charities via other means, demetedma?

Thinking about it I suppose if I were obviously wealthy (like living in a massive house, high earning job) I would be reluctant to shout people to often for meals/ drinks etc because I would want to be certain my friends where coming out for my friendship and company not a good feed with bubbly.

Think it's unfair to generalize but also think mean-spiritedness crosses all spectrums.

My dad worked in a very specialist area of building and he always said the low income famailies were generous as they could be for people worse off than them because they know what it feels like. The very rich were equally generous because they could afford to be without it making a dent. The assumed rich were not generous because generally they were living beyond their means and trying to keep their head above water and because of their outgoings they were no better off than the lower income people.

It's about empathy, as you said, and resources and mentality NOT about genuine income.

Not IVF in their 50s and both Dcs out of uni and working. I do know the issues some of my other colleagues are dealing with - including single parent, teen with SEN and toxic dependent mother, but she comes up with more than left over nibbles.Hell, a bag of pasta for 50p would have been affordable I reckon, but I suppose its her money, her choice.

I know 2 millionaires.

The first one is incredibly tight, not frugal, not careful but fecking tight. Wouldn't even pay her 1€ share for a taxi because that would mean giving the driver a tip, any meals out she works her share out to the penny and refuses to round up to the nearest pound like normal people the rest of us etc

The second couple are not quite that bad but are still tight enough. Never ever buy a round whilst happily accepting drinks from others.

Admittedly a small sample size but they are so unlike everybody else I know with far less money