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AIBU?

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Original poster

Cowbag

34 replies

Beeeb · 14/03/2014 11:20

First of all, I only have myself to blame because I snooped through Fiance's emails (in my defence i was trying to access my hotmail and he'd left his open). MCame across an email between him and his Mum. My parents have invited his parents (only met a few times) and grandparents to an informal engagement tea at their house which is happening in a few weeks. No fuss, but Mum sent little notes to them all inviting them to join. I noticed in an email exchange his Mum wrote - "see you at the staging!". This is a p1sstake right? I am feeling very prickly. Am i being unreasonable??

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
missmollygreen · 01/06/2024 09:18

Queendeedee · 01/06/2024 09:11

i don’t know what a cowbag is. I’ve been told it’s to describe someone being a cow, some of my friends changed my nickname on this group chat to cowbag. I have no idea what it means. I feel like it’s an insult to anyone.

10 years on, the OP probably doesnt care any more

Queendeedee · 01/06/2024 09:11

i don’t know what a cowbag is. I’ve been told it’s to describe someone being a cow, some of my friends changed my nickname on this group chat to cowbag. I have no idea what it means. I feel like it’s an insult to anyone.

Original poster
Beeeb · 14/03/2014 13:53

Sexist language??

OP posts:
ConferencePear · 14/03/2014 13:45

It was a private email. How would you feel if somebody took you to task for something you wrote in a private email to somebody else? Back off, and don't snoop again.
I agree with this I also don't like your use of sexist language.

MorrisZapp · 14/03/2014 13:21

It was a private email. How would you feel if somebody took you to task for something you wrote in a private email to somebody else? Back off, and don't snoop again.

BurntPancake · 14/03/2014 13:18

Sorry op but I think you're over reacting. It may not have been meant nastily at all and even if it was it wasn't meant for you to see. She can still be a great mil and she can still like you even if she thinks you're being a bit "showy", she doesn't have to agree with everything you do. It's not like she called you a cowbag in the email is it? You shouldn't have been snooping. If your relationship with MIL to be is generally good then just forget about it, don't let something so trivial spoil it.

oscarwilde · 14/03/2014 12:08

I think you are fretting about nothing and I agree with Fishfinger - it could be an entirely innocent family slang for being on best behaviour and giving the right impression.

Or your Mum has a small tendency to come over a bit Hyacinth Bucket on these occasions Smile. I mean that nicely - my MIL and my parents don't entertain much anymore and so are totally out of practice. When they it's a huge stress, all the best china out and furniture rearranged so everyone has a seat at a drinks party etc.

If you are the kind of family where there are guests for dinner every other week and everyone gets rat arsed at a scrubbed kitchen table it can all just feel a bit formal. It doesn't mean that she is being mean, it just might mean that she knows she needs to not get too giggly on the sherry!

Take it as a lesson - don't snoop.

MamaMumra · 14/03/2014 11:57

It was a private email between a mother and son. It wasn't obviously rude and maybe you are taking the meaning out of context.
If your MIL to be is usually ok, I wouldn't take it to heart or feel offended / hurt. Maybe it's a little nerve wracking or ark ward and she is being lighthearted?

Good luck with the tea.

Original poster
Beeeb · 14/03/2014 11:54

Thanks everyone. Pah - Fishfinger that is so true!

OP posts:
MoutardeDeDijon · 14/03/2014 11:53

YABU to use hotmail.

LookingThroughTheFog · 14/03/2014 11:49

To be honest, I'd be a little more concerned that my partner had been snooping through my email, and had called my mother a cowbag on the internet this early into a relationship.

Think long term. Is this all really right for you?

ParaTrooper · 14/03/2014 11:49

Your writing is fine beeeb, I understood you.

fishfingereaters · 14/03/2014 11:48

you might have missed something here - it could be an in-joke or relate to some comment your fiancé made that was quite innocent. Like, we're going to be on show, or something like that.

Don't start the negative feelings towards your MIL now, before you even get married. Pace yourself, woman!

LookingThroughTheFog · 14/03/2014 11:48

my interpretation is that they feel they have been invited to a performance

I'm not sure. If they are theatrical in general and this is part of their everyday vocab, then it probably just means 'the important fun thing before the big main event.'

I just feel like, if that's their life, then it's just words that tie into an emotion.

Original poster
Beeeb · 14/03/2014 11:45

Jesus, reading back on my posts makes me realise how awfully i write!! I meant to say that I responded to his text by telling him that he was "not to worry as i have looked up the meaning myself". He knows damn well what i mean.

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Original poster
Beeeb · 14/03/2014 11:43

thanks paratrooper. That's how i feel. Thing is, we get on really well, so it feels a bit like she's something of a smiling assassin. I did actually text my F to ask what "staging" means and he asked why i was asking and called (I cuoldn't answer due to being at work) but he seemed a bit panicked. I told him not to worry and that i had looked but he has been trying to be very nice this morning by email etc so i think he suspects i've seen it. I won't mention it to him again.

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SometimesLonely · 14/03/2014 11:42

Well, OP, you and your fiance will be front of stage with an audience looking at you.

Another reason for the word 'staging' could be fingers on the wrong buttons and the word came out instead of engaging

Stockhausen · 14/03/2014 11:41

I'd be pretty hurt tbh. No need to say what she said, "see you at beeb's parents, or at the tea" would suffice, and be much nicer.

I'd see how they are on the day, and remember this is your MIL not your fiance who said it, but also she IS your MIL to be, so pick your fights carefully Wink

ParaTrooper · 14/03/2014 11:40

I would feel the same as you. Maybe M-I-L to be is feeling a bit lost, empty nest etc and is trying to create a connection with her son at the expense of his in-laws to be.

Not acceptable behaviour at all.

Original poster
Beeeb · 14/03/2014 11:39

jollygoose, you're right, but it seems like such a bizarre, spiteful thing to say.

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jollygoose · 14/03/2014 11:38

I think tbf you are slightly misinterpreting here, its the sort of thing I might say myself merely because I find this sort of situation a bit awkward. Give her the benefit of the doubt and forget it imo.

Original poster
Beeeb · 14/03/2014 11:33

ISeeYou - yet, my interpretation is that they feel they have been invited to a performance

twofingerstoGideon - ah, indeed yes. I'm such a dirty snooper.

OP posts:
Original poster
Beeeb · 14/03/2014 11:31

Thanks IseeYou. I get your point, but it couldn't have been less 'in your face'. A simple nice note asking them to come over and she sent a gushing letter back saying she'd love to. Yet is writing snidey things like this! And my Fiance didn't say anything to encourage this and I know this is the first time they've spoken about it because she has been away for a couple of weeks on hol. I need to get a life but it has really irked me!!!! What is wrong with a nice, personal lunch to celebrate it. As a matter of fact it was THEY who threw the most OTT party for mil-2-be's 60th birthday!

OP posts:
twofingerstoGideon · 14/03/2014 11:29

Or maybe it's a 'La Cage Aux Folles' scenario and there are elaborate preparations to be put in hand?

ISeeYouShiverWithAntici · 14/03/2014 11:28

posted too soon. You interpret it that they are the ones coming to see the performance, not the ones coming to perform?