AIBU?

Jeez, people, check the dates on threads and start your own rather than adding new issues!

What do you do when an adult is rude to your child? My DD said a rude word to an adult but their response was to yell back at them, get in a real huff about it then swear at them later etc and be generally awful to them.
I told dd off but honestly was in shock.

Bugger. ZOMBIED!

You need to tell your DB and SIL that there are these marvellous new inventions around, they are called baxis , no, that’s not it, maxis, or is it taxis, anyway, you phone them up , they come to your house, you get in and they take you where you want to go. They are bloody marvellous.

@aroundtheblock you need to start a new thread. This is a zombie thread on a different subject.

A man screamed abuse at me when I was swimming at David Lloyd. He called me a fxxxxxg bastxxd twice, hopping with rage, all because I spoke to his daughter who was back flipping into me in the pool.
I was trying to swim and the kids were,( being kids) unaware of anyone else.
One of two swim lanes was being used for kids swimming lessons so I had nowhere else to swim. I have sciatica so I was worried this kid would kick me.
I was not aggressive.

The two lifeguards saw this man lose his temper and said nothing. They radioed the duty manager who spoke to the abusive man first, then I told her what happened and she said parents can be 'very protective of their kids'. I asked if she thought that was an appropriate response to an extreme act of aggression.
She was obviously untrained in member conflict so I asked for the general manager to contact me.
He didn't.
I had to leave several messages and talk to another duty manager before he got in touch.
He didn't acknowledge that this members behaviour was unacceptable. He didn't apologise to me that this happened or that the staff didn't respond well.
I requested that the member apologise to me.
He said he'd get back to me, I again had to chase and was dismissed with 'cant force him to' and that's the end of the matter.

I am now being followed by the general manager when I use the pool. He appears when I arrive, he takes the lifeguards high chair and stares at me when I swim.
Yesterday the member was there and he spoke to him, all smiles. They both gave me dirty looks.
AIBU in thinking this is sinister behaviour rooted in misogyny?
What would you do in my situation? I don't want to leave the club it's very convenient.

Me: While we're at this I should add that you didn't put his school shoes on and sent them to morning club with no money! Honestly said you'd help him get changed and let him wear his trainers. I came back from trying to get out the door for work a d found him grey socks and he could have put those on as he wanted those! Turns out he just put white ones and trainers on!

Regarding the screen time, what century do you live in? Kids will ask for it, some parents give it to make life easier in mornings but I personally don't. You are not one of those grandparents that helps out during those times so you wouldn't know how hard it can be when pressed for time in mornings and sometimes the promise of screentime for a limited time after school is a motivator for him to get ready quicker.
You shouldn't interfere even if I did say he could have it. That would be my choice under the circumstances. Is he not even allowed to speak now and ask for something without getting judged by his Nana!??!

On another note. Lily said you told them to go to morning club and didn't take them to playground or classroom door.

They weren't even meant to go to morning club, I said to take R to his classroom and L to the playground for the first bell! Embarrassing that they turned up at it with only one minute left of it (but no money in their hand) when you could have taken them to where I asked. Could do with support when life is so hectic for us instead of saying these things and complaining about Christmas day now too when we were busy in kitchen. You should not have let them open our presents without us. After all the work we went to. That is so mean.
G had to get up at 5am for a special important sales meeting in Galway at 11am.
Because I am also working a full on day and week
, he didn't want to wake us all up, and it was decided he should sleep in R's room. R was out of his bed and in our bed with me because you were in with L so I couldn't sleep in with her. He just wanted me to to have a cuddle and sleepover before he drifted off. He couldn't because he was still waiting on me finishing listening to you talking about some island or something!

Of course he wasn't going to go straight to sleep as he was obs out of his routine.
If you had bothered to think about the circumstances that we were in that night.

You are so harsh and we should have just kept to simple plan of dropping them to my friends house in morning. Honestly, you have upset us both so much by saying those things.

Mum: Yes, L did everything by herself and I said she was great! I'm just saying that R gets annoyed with things and you said he is like that in the mornings.

That's unreal that you wrote all that. L knows where her uniform is. You can help out with laundry and all the other jobs we do. Very sad you've critisised our parenting and commenting on kids merely asking for screentime which they weren't even given.

Mum: Hope you're not rowing about this! R was in a huff about his socks and insisted he had to have school socks until you came along and told him otherwise.

I think you being there made them more excited and kept L excited and chatty which stops R getting over. Next time , I'll avoid all that and just drop them down to my friends house in the morning so it doesn't upset their evening again.
Also their clothes were both laid out for them!!!!

Me : all ok this morning?
DM: Yes, L was great! R messed about a bit but I was very strict!!!! He will probably complain. Left my makeup bag in bathroom. Please keep it for me. N, you should not have to put up with any hassle in the mornings! Make sure all their uniforms , including socks are laid out. No problem. Can I suggest that they go to bed much earlier? Look up suggested bedtimes for 7 and 8 year olds. They need their sleep and I think that is R's problem. He is just so annoyed with things. And much less screen time but I think you already know that.. He asked you first thing this morning, and on Christmas Day, after opening all his presents he wanted screen time??? I've said enough but I'm trying to help. Please cut out the screen time. Love mum.x

AIBU to tell my mum I won't ask her to stay overnight and help get kids ready to take to school in morning if it's an emergency again?
My DH and I both work full time and have a DD and DS just turned 8 and nearly 7 , respectively. I am a teacher and have to leave very early in morning before their morning club at their school even opens. Normally my DH takes them but he had to be away at 5am and I would have been stuck. My friend said she could take them to school with her daughter being in same class as my son. I was going to go with this option as when mum was asked first, she said she couldn't as she would have to travel 30mile round trip and then work in her Friday morning volunteer shift in a charity shop. Also , I have to say she has 'helped' once or twice in the past but always ends up criticising something to do with our parenting if things don't go perfectly.
Anyway, she later offered to stay the night and help. I cancelled with my friend and agreed for her to come up, thinking it was better for my kids to have her take them to school.
They were just going to bed around 8.30pm and my son was having to sleep in our bed due to my husband having to get up at 5am for a very out of the ordinary sales meeting at the other end of the county. He decided to sleep in there so as not to wake us all up. My mum was in with my daughter. The kids were a bit out of routine because of all this.
All their clothes were laid out for them and she said she would help them. I gave them breakfast, got son's socks , did his top button and was really cutting it fine for leaving on time. She was supposed to just help us out that morning.
That's the background. So I have just received these messages from her and I am so cross. Are my responses to her (green) unreasonable?

To think my DP's ex wife with whom he had a very acrimonious divorce should not have invited my DP's family from the US to stay with her when they next visit London. She has never met them but joined in on a video message his adult children made to send wedding wishes to their cousin. I am furious. She made his life hell for 20 yrs and took all his money . The US relatives have a vague understanding of what happened but I just don't know what I would do if they take her up on her offer. As he was left with nothing we have a very modest small home while she has a £600K house in Surrey and seems to hijack every event with no shame.
Now she is trying to muscle in playing the fab hostess with his family. His 3 adult children will be coming to stay after Christmas, because obviously the ex gets first pick of Christmas EVERY year, and I don't know how I can keep my feelings in AGAIN and keep the peace. I feel like I am always having to hold my tongue so as not to cause any upset.

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My bus ride today.
When my stop was announced, I pressed the blue button and saw the bus stopping sign light up.
At the bus stop, the driver asked me if I wanted to get off. I said yes, that's why I used the blue button.
He then asked me if I needed the ramp, so I told him that when anyone presses the blue button, it means that he needs to deploy the ramp.
He put the ramp out, but it lay short of the road, and below the level of the pavement.
I told him that I couldn't get off with it like that because I couldn't
climb up the pavement. The bus lane was dead straight approaching the bus stop.
He then said he would drop me at the next bus stop, but I refused. A passenger got off and waved him back until the bus was close enough to deploy the ramp properly. I thanked the driver and drove off the bus.

Zombie thread

I don’t think you’re being U about the general relationship but when all of this extra shift at work stuff came along I don’t get why you didn’t just say they’d have to sort their own travel arrangements and leave them to it? Even in an area where there is no public transport why didn’t they just get a taxi together? It sounds as though you might have predicted this would happen, and I have started (as I got older) just not putting myself in situations which I know are likely to go pear shaped. I would have just replied, “oh dear now that x is working obviously it’s going to be impossible for me to give her a lift as it’s x minutes away and the party starts at x, plus me and DD want to spend as much time with grandma” and if questioned/ whinged at “yes it’s difficult now that she’s taken work isn’t it”. “Hmm yes I don’t really know what to suggest” and if pushed “sorry that just isn’t going to work, you’re both adults you’ll have to make your own arrangements.” Sounds like he is never going to change but you stand a better chance of not having a major bust up if you establish some boundaries and stick to them- the first being no lifts!

Oh wow yes it is x

I understand your frustration, but I think at the heart of this is clear sibling rivalry and that is almost always because of family dynamics and how one or both parents treat their children. I would suspect your father and maybe even your mother have been saying things to your brother that are contributing to his idea that you are taking advantage so perhaps look into that . Good luck x

Oops, thank you Beggarsmeddle 😄

To expect my ex DP with whom I share care of our 2 DS's to tell me that he got married? We do not have a good relationship and speak as little as possible but this seems to me to be relevant information.

@aln48. You've posted your AIBU on the end of an old thread so you might want to create a new post if you haven't already done so, so it will get more views.

And your husband sounds like a selfish, entitled arse.

@IamtheDevilsAvocado
This thread is 9 years old.

I'm sure your dad would love you to be closer...

But in order for that to happen your brother to behave in a decent, civil, respectful way... And he doesn't...

So essentially your father is saying that you should continually tolerate this level of abusive behavior... And reinforce it... As nothing says... Please carry on abusing me that people enabling them...