To be fed up of the same children winning all the awards at school?!

LadyBrian - I'm not trying to say that it's a rule of thumb, just pointing out that the general assumption on this thread that all the children who consistently do well are 'super-confident' and have pushy parents is wrong. Some of them are, some of them aren't. Some of them are probably embarrassed at always being singled out.

MumsyBlouse - I did say sometimes it's worse; not always and not for everyone. I was also taught how to lose gracefully, and understood from an early age that wining wasn't the name of the game. I was always prouder of 3rd place and a PB than 1st place under my best score. I still felt the pressure (mostly from teachers at school and extended family) to do well because I always had IYSWIM.

Not doing a terribly good job of explaining myself today! I blame the heat and raging pregnancy hormones!

When I was at primary school every Christmas we would have a Christmas stamp competition where a child would anonymously design a stamp to go on the internal school mail.
I won it every single year. In my last year I they banned me, yes banned from entering. My mum was furious. Looking back, I can sympathise with the other children.

The injustice of it did however spur me on, and I'm now a professional full time illustrator doing very nicely thank you.

This is the only thing I've ever won!

Sorry. I'm not sure what this adds to the discussion

I listen to my son read all the time,hell, I even listen to other peoples children read too. I make each of my son's costumes and dressing up outfits, I have been to every assembly, every play, every school event. I help the PTA where I can, spend a fortune on things for and from the fundraisers, I pay for trips unquestionably.

Can I have a moan or a certificate

Working hard and trying hard does not ensure winning, it's very naive to think that. I have always worked hard at everything I've done. Put in lot of hours, taken on board every criticism and tried to use that to improve yet I've failed at everything I've ever done.

I get where you are coming from OP. There are 3 girls in dd's class with beautiful singing voices (I've heard them while they are playing). Yet only one of those 3 girls ever gets the chance to sing in school events. She is the one with the pushy parents of highest social standing in the area. BTW none of these 3 girls is my dd, it's just an observation I've made.

Twisty, I'm all for recognising people who try their best.
It's the "lets reward everyone for everything" which does nothing but belittle real achievement.

Yabu. My dc have won at times and others missed out both for awards/parts in plays you name it.

Not getting what you want and missing out is life. Sad but true.

My teeth have been gritted before when dd has been upset at missing out on a yearned for part in the play, but dusting yourself off and being gracious about it is a fantastic thing to know how to do.

Sometimes consistently being placed at the top of the pile is as bad/worse as being nearer the bottom; how can you ever live up to that as an adult?

I agree that sometimes children who have won a lot of things, such as academic prizes or are always on the top table can become scared of failure. I like my two very academic children to do lots of activities, especially sports and drama whatever they like, precisely because they can learn to lose gracefully, take small parts while others get the glory, work in a team not always the star, cheer others on and so on. These are the skills that are valuable to me if you want to be an all-rounder and get on in life although my dd did have a bit of a learning curve when she came last in all of her sports day races this year, it can be hard.

'People are rewarded for a reason. Because they are good at what they do'

And those who are good at nothing? They should have this drummed into them at 6, 7, 9? No recognition that they try? DD tries her best but she will never read, never win anything at sports, never play an instrument. Because she is blind and cant move. She is well aware she doesnt measure up to the lucky people who didnt get a broken brain.
Thankfully her school recognises 'trying your best'.
ffs.

Oh, and a small additional point...

If your biggest problem in life is that your PFB didn't win a prize at school then you have very little to worry about in the grand scheme of things.

Time to take a step back, no?

It's not all about prizes and awards though, it's recognition of children's efforts, achievements and talents which can come in lots of different ways. Giving them some extra responsibility (like helping the younger children in the school if they are good at doing that), asking them to help compere a school concert if that is their skill, asking them to design the poster for the fete, getting them to bring in photos of themselves doing an unusual hobby and talking about it to the rest of the class. All of these things can be life changing for children, giving them a confidence boost.

We had a talent week once for the children and wider school community. Part of it was an art and craft show. One parent who could not read or write and so had never had the confidence to come into school sent in his paintings which were phenomenal. He received huge congratulations from children, teachers other parents alike and now comes into school quite often.

YY phantom and SW. Sick of this ooh lets give everyone a prize/get rid of competition mentality.
Life IS a competition.
People are rewarded for a reason. Because they are good at what they do.

SW - agree with you - if only some parents would spend as much time helping their kids as they do moaning about the school.

Moan about the school - but never hear your child read at home
Moan about them not winning fancy dress - when you BUY yours and someone else has made an original home made one full of the child's own ideas and artwork
Moan about them not being chosen for a play - when you have never even turned up to one of their assemblies
Moan about INSET days etc, when you have not bothered reading the published dates list.
Moan about paying for a trip - when you never support any PTA fundraisers.
Moan about your PFB not being allowed to the prom - when she had been warned and warned about her attendance and behaviour and TOLD several times that she was not allowed to go, never mind, buy her a posh frock & moan about them not letting her in.

YABU.
My lovely DD won the class book prize last week for being the only one to score level 3 in maths and English; she is one of the youngest in her class.
Why shouldn't her efforts be rewarded?
And thanks for referring so rudely to parents who help with PTA. Our committee gives up a lot of their spare time to fundraise for the school.
Stop whining and do something positive for your school instead.

I've only skim-read this thread as there seems to be one at the end of every term, but to those of you who wished their children won awards but didn't, what have YOU as parent/carer done to change that? Or what will you be doing to change it for next year?

One mum in my school had a very upset 5yr old last sports day because he came last in the skipping race as he'd never picked up a skipping rope before, so in the run up to this year's sports day they taught him how to skip. This year he very proudly came first, and learnt an improtant lesson that practice can make the difference between first and last place.

A simplistic view of the story, but it gets my goat when it's always the school who should change things and never the parent.

rob99 great post, but please allow me to be pedantic for a second and say "23 kids who have special needs" rather than "12 kids who are special needs". I am sorry to nitpick and don't mean this be snotty, I hope that is ok

At my daughters primary school, same thing. The same few kids get all the opportunities e.g. best parts in school plays, nativity, photo opportunities etc. Invariably it's the solicitors kids, doctors kids. They probably are the brightest and best but it is only primary school and it's a bit young to start this winners and losers mentality in my opinion.

I think the school does it this way because the headmistress is basically a politician and it's all about showing the school in the best light to all and sundry. Rather than shout from the rooftops that 12 kids in school are special needs and get free school meals, she wants to shout look at Tarquin and Tabitha, our wonderful top performers who are playing Joseph and Mary in the nativity play. Tarquin's father is a doctor and he's G&T and he will hopefully attend Oxbridge which will be a feather in our little schools cap.......that's great miss but what about little Jordan Taylor who's dad's an alcoholic and he's a shy quiet boy with low self-esteem and a reading age of 2............"who's Jordan Taylor" ?

YANBU. This whole 'that's how the world works' and 'hard work needs recognised and rewarded is why have so many entitled twats who believe they deserve XY and Z.

In the real world, no one is entitled to jack shit. The majority, billions of people, toil away for next to nowt with no recognition.

Yes - 'everyone ' getting a prize makes the prizes meaningless. winning at Sports day should be its own prize - you should not have to get an award for it too.

Getting all As at A levels or all level 5s at year 6 SATS- again surely holds its own joy. Why wave the certs in the faces of those who didn't do as well.

But what about

"extra invitation only expensive activities "

?

Someone took the decision to select those activities and invite these kids. It is not unheard of that such decisions could have been made with a degree of subconscious favouritism. OP you should interrogate, as reasonably and assertively as possible, the decision making process for this.

I get the resentment. Not because you should dish out music prizes to the mediocre musician because the best musician has already won maths (that sort of crap is obviously silly); but because who chooses what is available and who takes part in it and how can different talents and interests and potentials be brought to higher profile?

I consider myself very lucky that my children are academically talented and often represent their schools at sports and music as well. I have 2 DD at grammar and one DS still primary.

I do not consider myself to be a "pushy" parent, though I do consider myself to fully support the school and my children in their education, and always encourage them to do their best and be proud of it.

DD is really really embarrassed among her peers (grammar school) that she has 9 awards this year for her form (Y8) but when she has excelled across all subjects, and always goes the extra mile over homework and projects etc,(while some of her friends obsess about pop stars and the latest reality TVshow or soap plotline) why should that NOT be celebrated? I have never met most of her teachers except for a five minute chat once this year, so it has nothing to do with keeping certain parents sweet. I doubt her subject teachers know how she does in other subjects except their own.

However, I do think that in primaries (and my DS primary is v good at this) ALL children should win something during the year - whether its for tidiness, kindness, or good behaviour, or improved writing, or whatever - a simple colourful laminated certificate is what they usually do.

Everyone should get SOMETHING. That does not mean that the very sporty/academic/musical children should be overlooked just so that everyone else gets a turn (because the kids themselves will know this is false), it just means there needs to be more awards for more things.

Primamry schools are more than capable of helping everyones acheivements stand out. dd's school has some severely disabled children who clearly arent going to win at sports or painting or musical instruments but the school manages to recognise their acheivemnts as well. As it should be. There are after school clubs for the 'prizes' types.

Mind you they are in secondary so probably not relevant

FWIW my youngest, still in primary, gets nothing either. Nor will he, ever, I suspect. Until they introduce an award for nerdy knowledge about dinosaurs or beetles that does not require him to write anything or organise his thoughts coherently.....

I started a thread like this a week or two ago.

I am very much against the "prizes for all" philosophy - ludicrous. But I discovered that the Head at dd's school had organised a series of enrichment activities for the same certain children - trip to Houses of Parliament, another to sketch at National Gallery, canoeing and so on. now, these "certain children" weren't g&t, nor did they have special situations, they were the push themselves forward confident ones who the Head knows. I am still incredulous that a Head could show such blatant favouritism.

Reading this thread one feels that the teacher's pet syndrome is alive and well.

With regard to my eldest son, I absolutely agree with you. He never seemed to get awards for anything. He is not a joiner and doesn't put himself forward.

Fast forward a few years and now I have a DD that collects so many acheivement certificates it must take an entire tree to make them. It's almost embarrassing (but not quite ). She gets picked for all kinds of inter-school competitions and the team usually wins.

I no longer mind so much..... They are different people.

We have an awards ceremony - one for infants and one for juniors.

I have no clue about the Juniors, but not one of the children who won a prize at Infant Awards has a parent in the friends of the school.

My daughter won at Sports Day this year. And won the Form prize.

Throughout the year there's a weekly merit award, they also get given their badges for piano, speech & drama, gym, swimming in assembly.

I think the "every child should get an award for taking part" really waters down the achievements for everyone.

Muppet - I think you right for some children, yes, but it isn't a rule of thumb. My girl is the brightest, happiest little soul known to man. Whilst her report was absolutely outstanding academically, she was also praised for kindness, politeness, friendliness. She's flown this year - and is so, so happy