AIBU to throttle DD???!!

This is a wind up, right?

I can't imagine going bat shit crazy at my 4 year old

Jesus Christ, OP. You fucked up big time and if overreaction like this is normal for you please get help.

Poor child.

OP - consider this "As a parent, there are certain things that are guaranteed to push your buttons... Rather than focusing on how you can change your child's behaviour... it is your own attitudes and perceptions rather than your child's behaviour that spark your anger - and these are often based on your own relationship with your parents." Book link

Yes, your child misbehaved, but why could/can you not deal with that calmly? Your reaction was disproportionate to the behaviour. Your DH can see this, most people on this thread can see it. Please take a step back and consider why.

MrsSham

Great last paragraph. We all make mistakes. We should be able to reflect on them, and if we can't stop our over reactions, then we need to seek help with our rage.

This thread is frankly shocking. This is a 4 year old little girl. You are clearly a bloody clueless mother and I hope that your DH can compensate for your failings or you are going to thoroughly screw up this child if you have not already damaged her

I feel dreadfully sorry for her.

Is this an April fool?

Sorry, she is four! Part of being four is also making mistakes so I stand by what i said above.

OP please do take a little time to think about what has been said. Your responses are actually making things sound worse than your first post did, because you are so adamant you are right.

The language you are using about your dd is very extreme and not appropriate to the age of your daughter, phrases such as 'disrespect to property'. It isn't that I think she should be allowed to make a huge mess without any thing being said, but part of being three is making mistakes and being shown by a loving parent how to do it the right way.

I hope you will have a major rethink. It is so rare for such a lot of people to all say the same thing, I think you need to take it on board. If you wanted to adopt a kinder parenting style it iaccessible to change your approach/responses without becoming permissive of bad behaviour.

just hope dd gets some chocolate today. i think mine is having some for breakfast.

How do you know at 4 whose teeth they've inherited anyway? It all seems so bizarre.

Roughly four hours later and I am still frothing at the mouth.

you need help.

Poor, poor child. One creme egg on Easter Sunday while having to watch all the other eggs being hidden away 'to be doled out over the next year, eaten by mummy', do you have any idea how controlling and mean you sound? Why couldn't your kids have had a treat of a full easter egg for just one day of the year (just the one, for one day). If you had let them have that one, she wouldn't have been so inclined to have a little taste of all the eggs that you have deprived her of! She wasn't naughty, she was a four year old child responding to a very controlling mothers food issues.

The only consequence of you inflicting your food issues on your kids will be to give them serious issues with food. When she's old enough she'll be binging on sugar because you made such a big deal out of depriving her of it. Hopefully you won't push her toward any more serious eating disorders.

Your reaction to her was abusive and the punishment of her was completely over the top.

YABVVVVVVU, controlling, mean, cruel, bullying, lacking empathy, abusive and in denial about how nasty you were to this innocent child.

I feel very sorry for her having you as a mother. Grow up and sort your own mental issues out, stop abusing your children with them.

I don't have time to read all this but being shouted st and crying yourself to sleep is already way too much for such a little girl.

She's been a bit naughty. She's not evil.

very sad thread to read poor child, I hope her daddy makes up for your attitude op and she does not end up with self esteem issues. It will ruin her life for so long.

YANBU. Wanting to strangle a 4 year old for eating chocolate is completely normal and sane.

Matchpoint you are wrong on so many levels, it's very worrying.

I really hope your DD wakes up to a massive hug from her father. At least it seems as though one of her parents has some compassion, and also a degree of perspective and reasonableness.

You on the other hand, can sit in your little smug ivory tower with your beautiful pearl-like teeth and congratulate yourself on your marvellous mothering skills.

I said exactly the same on the other thread about a little boy getting berated for putting some beans in his water, but if you get so mad over such a minor transgression, where else do you leave yourself to go when your DD does something really naughty?

This is like the time I found my 4 year old ds had accidentally flooded the bathroom by forgetting to turn the tap off. I went crazyyyyyy for all of about 5 minutes before I suddenly burst out laughing at the fact my two year old had put her Welles on. I apologised to ds we cleaned up and carried on with the day.

You need to realise when you have over reacted.

OP I really hope on some level it'll wake you up, seeing yourself reflected in the reactions on here and you will stop the shocking attitude to your lovely and very young child .

Rapunzel fwiw, what you said about the food thing did ring a bell with me. I also hate it when my ds eats out of boredom, or pesters me endlessly for treats when he's had his fair share etc. However, I know why this is. It's because I have food issues (not him). When I think he is being greedy, it's because I hate the greedy part in me.

Poor little child crying herself to sleep. OP you are the centre of your child's world. She has probably gone to sleep feeling terrified, alone, unloved. I'm not saying she is those things, I'm saying she probably feels those tthings. I'm sure she was not thinking "good trade, that chocolate was delicious". She is only 4 and she must have been absolutely devastated. I feel desperately sorry for her.
I see you and she are having issues with respect for property. That sounds quite disturbing going by your attitude to the egg eating. Why are you so angry? Do you feel better when you have shouted so much that your child is devastated? Do you dislike her? Do you leave things in reach so you can punish her when she makes a mistake and doesn't respect property? Do you feel any love towards her?

I kind of see where you are coming from, I tried to offer some constructive advice, became frustrated it was ignored along with agents. but I do think it irrational to assign greed and gluttony to a child's behaviour. to me it would just be mildly irritating that the child keeps asking, rather than assign it as greed when the child is still learning these limits.

I don't think its inaccurate to compare it to an irrational irritation, though. I'm by no means perfect and do lose my rag, but I like to think I have enough rational thought to see a child's behaviour for what it is and not over inflate it or over react and if I do I also like to think its not too difficult to stand up and say I made a mistake. I wouldn't go ballistic with another adult who displayed a behaviour against my own values so I think its sensible to check myself when I over react to my child's behaviour because I have been pushed a bit.

Its fair to discipline but its not fair to send a child to bed crying and consider further punishment.

the problem with OP that others are highliting is that she has failed to regulate or reflect on her own behaviour, yet expects exactly that from a four year old.

Please just give her a hug in the morning and say keys forget about yesterday. This is too sad thinking of her crying to sleep over chocolate at easter

The fact of the matter is that yes the child lied but if the end result was her mother going "bat shit" then she was probably too bloody scared to tell her the truth.

There aren't any 4 yr old evil geniuses.

I think this is one of the saddest and most worrying threads I've read on Mumsnet.

OP, you still seem to be so angry, and every post reeks of self-justification.

I really hope that you are saving face here with your bullish attitude, and that underneath a little of what almost every poster has said has sunk in.

Please please take the advice given on the thread. I don't think anyone feels that your actions were normal and appropriate.

My mum used to have a big thing about lying, but (like other posters have said) because she was so strict and controlling, the humiliation techniques she used to try and make me feel a greedy, sneaky, liar (exactly the same as the OP) just made me lie all the more (and eat a lot less, I felt ashamed because I wanted sweets and things but wasn't allowed them often. If I'd eaten what sweets I'd been given too quickly for her liking, she'd sit me in the middle of the room and I couldn't get down until I'd eaten the rest ).

I don't accept lying in my own DC, but I do accept that lying is a necessity in everyday life, nobody wants a world where everyone speaks the truth. It wouldn't work.

There are easier ways to learn the basics.