To be a traditional sahm ??

I am not sure why you are getting so defensive

your life and the life of the op are very different. I was a sham for 20ish months due to being made redundant personally it is not for me I have not suggested it should not be for others but to only be that, for your adult life to only be about looking after the house and others is just not sensible for a man or a woman. There are lots of things I would ony like to do to make myself happy but I need to take responsibility for myself and my son too one day he is going to leave home, one day I may be made redundant again and so on but I am in a position where I have skills to make sure I can work, where I can support us both and where I can be alone and not have to rely on others to be happy

clearly oxfordbag reads the words and then actually interprets how she wants
mummy do you love me ,yet. how schmaltzy.the whey face unloved child pining
well never mind the distant and avaricious mother can sip a latte before answering

Well if I had a chance to marry a merchant banker and swan around in a 4 x 4 lunching and giving out instructions to a nanny well I might well have done. But I didn't. But even if I had I wouldn't expect anybody to have approved of my choice and said what a great contribution I was making.

I think what Oxford meant by 'mummy, do you love me' was the idea of women -sahm or wohm- still trying to be good enough and seeking approval. So listing all the ways in which you are a good mother, a good worker, educated, ambitious etc is just childlike seeking of approval.

However it was a bit batty so I may be wrong

Not least because, as this thread evidences, the people most determined to judge women's choices are other women.

Yes, I have worked. Office managerial for 9 years, the few year break, then working again as research assistant for 4 years, then sahm again.

lol oxfordbag attempt at incisive psychobabble, that's really socialsciencetastic rot
you see sentences,and then by power of presumption transform them into what you want to read
hilarious,but you know what all the mn psychiatrists love all that.someone will say denial too

Umm
Oxford most people were responding to the OP who proudly states that she is uneducated and needs nothing more in life than caring for her DH and DC to the exclusion of everything else.
Most of the SAHM I know do lots of other stuff in addition to SAHMing and lead fullfilling and busy lives. I prefer WOH and love my job.

I dont however feel the need to presume that this means their children feel unloved - Im guessing thats what you mean by "Do you love me yet Mummy" ??

have you worked Hannah?

and I am seperated, happy, money is not a worry, work p/t and study and most importantly ds is happy and secure oh and the ex pays his fair share and is happy so it can be done and often is

its not just the sahm's who need to make provisions either. Wohm's are vulnerable too. Chances are, they'll be primary carer, with the responsibility of childcare costs. How many wohm's have a really good pension in place, earn enough to support themselves and 2/3/4 kids? Many do lower paid jobs, because the so called feminine professions,such as teacher, nursery nurse etc. are badly paid. Now that is sexist and a downside to our patriarchal society where it's financially rewarding to be a stockbroker but not to teach the next generation.

passive aggressive sniping is the same as an attack.

Oh FFS Hannah. We have been suggesting to the OP and other SAHMs, who don't have a saving or a pension, that they are vulnerable. This is a fact. You are apparently sensible and have put provision in place for yourself. Why do you keep defending yourself when no-one is attacking you?

Who the hell is struggling? I'm not!
I have savings, a pension and own half a house which is almost paid off. Do you know many wohm's who get divorced and are then happy as Larry, loaded and cash rich? Nope. Because divorce is shitty and leaves every party worse off, both financially and emotionally. Everyone's a loser. And often men use the fact that 'she works and is independent' as an excuse to pay less child support and get lawyer to argue for smaller final award etc.

What Freudian said ^^

I am neither annoyed nor trying to justify anything, Hannah. Not sure where you get those ideas from. And Oxford has been saying many of the same things as me, though I'm slightly baffled by her final paragraph.

I agree with that Oxfordbags

I used to get riled on sahm/ohm threads and talk about what I do during the day, what I have done etc.

It always felt awkward, like I was allowing myself to be made to justify myself. Of course I was justifying myself.
It has been quite a relief to reach the point where I genuinely don't care what people think they know bout me. I get irritated with the trading of stereotypes but I tend to talk in general rather than discuss my own life.

I guess it's what jars for me about the op.
If life is just peachy you don't tend to have to drone on about it unprompted.

many on here are not suggesting every women should onky gain their self worth through their career but I beleive what most are saying it that a sense of independence is vital and being your own person you life not being just about looking after others is something everyone should aim for

there are many what if's that is life and great if you do not have to deal with any but to be in a position where you would really struggle because you have chosen to only be a homemaker is not sensible and how can anyone really argue with that

I'll leave it to Oxford who has written the most intelligent posts on this thread. I can tell you're really riled and annoyed Annie, so there's no point engaging further. You don't need to justify anything to anyone. And neither does the op. so back the hell off.

Wow OxfordBags, those judgy pants must be really cutting into you by now.

"Do you love me yet, Mummy?!"

Huh?

I work part time, study and look after ds who is 1. I'd love to see a day in the life of a sahm with school age kids to go with the wohm schedules we've had.

A lot of posters here are presuming that the SAHMs posting have done nothing else or very little else before having children. As for me, I spent a long time in academia, and had a nice career and had my Ds just before I was 40. I do agree with posters who are saying that life experience is a very important thing to have in your big bag of parenting skills and influences, to put it that way. But that presumption that SAHMs have done nothing else with their lives, or do nothing with their lives whilst being SAHMs, or choose to be SAHMs to escape having work outside the home, whatever, is highly offensive, not particularly intelligent and very misogynist. It also shows a telling lack of perception and inability to think for oneself outside either media/societal stereotypes about SAHMs or one's own life-work balance.

As I said before, getting all one's sense of worth and meaning from one's career is just as limiting and worrying as getting it all from motherhood. Both ways are trying to eke self-esteem from external sources, which puts you n a hiding to nothing.

Every time I see people posting (not just on this thread) about how much they do apart from mothering, be it work or hobbies, etc., I just read the words "Do you love me yet, Mummy?!". Having too much to prove is as pathetic as subsuming yourself totally into a trad family lifestyle bubble.

Hannah, my dear (yes, now I am being patronising), I have made no assumptions about SAHMs. You and other are just reading that into my posts, I assume from a position of defensiveness. I don't see why you're being so defensive.

I make assumptions about people who are entirely self-indulgent with their time (my earlier posts upthread), and I suggest to everyone, whether they work or not, that life its a wonderful and varied thing, so everyone should have hobbies and interests (my more recent posts). Whether these people are WOH or SAHPs is irrelevant.

The OP has been asked numerous times if she has any interests outside her family; if she ever does anything for herself. This question has been asked, as I have understood it, out of genuine concern for the OP. And she has declined to answer. So from this, I have reached the conclusion that she probably doesn't have any outside interests beyond going to the gym. Which makes me sad, because the world is a wonderful with so many amazing things to experience.

Unless I've missed it in this really long thread I'm still waiting for the OP to reveal what fabulous job her DH has that supports 7 people on such short hours.

Because I'll be sending my DH to apply for a job there sharpish!

Annie, who on earth are you to judge whether the op has a narrow world view or not?
Seriously, why are you so sure that your world view is better and broader? As for defensive, LOL! You've posted over numerous pages making the same passive aggressive assumptions about Sahm's whilst criticising me for pointing out the positives!

And yes, I firmly believe that dc's need parents more as they get older.
I worked 30 hours a week until fairly recently and the home alone in the holidays latchkey scenario didn't sit well with me.

You can question the legitimacy of sacrificing a career temporarily to be around for the kids. And I can question the legitimacy of sacrificing the kids needs to be around for a career. It works both ways.