To be a traditional sahm ??

predominantly south east/London membership

Show of hands, anyone?

I find by job wonderfully fulfilling , I would still rather be at home looking after my family .

I am happy to admit to envying the OP

What an utterly pointless first post.
You enjoy never having had a job, staying at home and doing all the housework and child related chores. Well- good for you! It wouldn't suit a lot of us, and personally I wouldn't want to raise my children with the expectation that mum does every little chore for them and that dads role is just to earn. Many couples want more balance between their roles. And the idea of being 34 and never having worked would worry me as personally I think that's very limiting

But if it floats your boat (and your husband and kids who are just as important) then good for you.
But I still fail to see why you started the thread ... Maybe boredom? Wanting to provoke a bunfight?

Well, you have to remember that MN isn't real life.
It's an online forum with predominantly south east/London membership.
I don't look to others to validate my life choices.
And certainly not MN but I do find the huge pool of experience And knowledge in MN invaluable.
Just dont ever post in Aibu! :)

i think the negativity is down to envy - a lot of people go to work because they have to, not because they find it soooo wonderrrfullly fulfilling.

also mumsnetters are pack animals - 'different' scares them and makes them gang up and attack.

Op can I ask - have you ever had a pay check? I can remember getting my first job and being given a little brown envelope at the end of the first week and being so pleased as punch with it.

I think I am just in awe that you have possibly never had a pay check

I don't understand the negativity towards SAHM's on here.

My mum has never worked. There were 4 of us. We are all in our 20's now.
Even though she was always at home we all still learned how to look after ourselves from a young age. I moved out at 20 and there were o problems.
We all had skills and talents that had been nurtured well and were also very social people.

I also saw friends growing up without mothers being there all the time and they weren't the happiest of people.

The family has gained 4 nieces/nephews in the past year, 2 out if 4 of the mothers will be SAHM'S.

I think good for them. I still don't know how it will work out for us as I think I would need the work element to have a bit of independence, not that it's ever been a problem so far

Hmmm...
I have been sahm for the last decade through choice.
However, I really don't see how you can be so happy when you don't have any experience of the alternative?
I know for example, that I never want to work in an office again, or in retail.
I do know that I want to go back to learning so have restarted my degree course with the OU.
I also do voluntary work.
My kids won't always need me as much as they do now...they will grow you and have their own lives.
And I am going to make sure I have one too.

There is nothing wrong with being a sahm - I'm a freelance designer so am around for my kids in the day so I am sort of a sahm too and love it. You are not insulting anyone or working mums - if this is your first aibu you'll soon get I to it! But you should give your kids some chores/responsibility as it is good for them to help you and it is respectful to you to do so and will teach them more - you don't want any boys you have to think they should leave it all to their wives do you?!

Being devil's advocate OP but have you got a contingency plan for if something like illness or death strikes your partner. I know it isn't a nice thought but with a lot of kids and only one breadwinner it could be tricky if you don't.

You have teenagers who don't do anything???? I don't think you are doing them any favours by not giving them some chores. No wonder so many kids of today are so bloody lazy and irresponsible (I know, a generalisation - you know what I mean). I had chores from an early age and it was one of the best things my parents did for me. When my kids are older they will to and even now they have to tidy their toys away etc.

OP I'm happy you're doing what works for you, but do you feel you dedicate your life to your family? Most SAHMs (and WOHMs) get a chance to do something that is not, for want of a better word, drudgery (and I'm including day to day WOH in that too).

Wouldn't that be lovely, Doing?
OP - live the life that makes you and your family happy.

That's your right. And I don't think anyone has the right to mock you for making that choice. Just as you would not have the right to mock anyone for making a different choice.

however. You (jointly with your husband) also have a responsibility to your children and that responsibility is this -

To release into the world, fully functioning, capable, independent adults.

Now. Can you honestly say that your children, when grown, would be able to walk out of your home, rent/buy a place of their own and throw themselves without struggle into the washing, ironing, cleaning, cooking, bill paying, budgeting 'fun' that is adulthood?

Is their upbringing equipping them with those independent living skills?

I meant with a decent job bringing in a decent wage I don't see how it could be where you don't ever work late and no weekends.

Can't we all just accept that we're different & get on with it?

InNeed sadly my DH works longer hours, including some of the weekend. That's not just cuz he needs to support myself and the DCs, it's just the nature of his work.

I also don't think never working ever ever is a good thing, but each to their own!

Good luck op. Personally I think you're nuts to have no financial independence at all. Or qualifications with which to acquire some should the shit hit the fan.

How can you all afford to live with your dh doing a traditional job that finishes at half 5 and no weekends?

I couldn't stay at home and depend on a man. I don't think never working your whole life is a good thing, I think it's really sad you'll never feel independence. You won't btw ever feel independent living off someone else's money picking up their dirty pants for a roof over your head.

But anyway I hope your life plan pans out

OP, you seem a bit naive to the ways of MN AIBU section.

However, you are far from being the only SAHM here.

I gave up work when my PFB was born, now have 2 children and only intend to return to work part-time when the youngest starts school (if at all).

Taking pride in your role as a woman in the house is a great thing, as is having a responsible DH who takes on the ££ earnings.

Theres dozens of websites and blogs by women who enjoy being SAHMs, some are interesting.

In some ways you sound like you have it quite easy... time to potter about, go shopping, go to the gym, meet friends, no work pressure, no commute? I'm a single parent (full time, no weekends off) who works full time so I have all the housework to do myself like you, but to fit around full time work and baring the financial responsibility and bread winning status too. But then I think about it and I really couldn't lead your life. Fair play though, whatever makes you happy.

Biting my tounge because I just can't be nice ....

I am happy that you have been able to make that choice and a little envious if I am being honest

Excellent model - there are financial choices to be made though.

And I agree with others that the DCs need to learn about dust, washing, cooking, DIY etc as essential life skills. Though I think my parents made sure that school and studies had a high priority during the critical years.

As my DW got into her 40s though I began to encourage her into suitable training partly to help with the 'tapering' off as fledglings flee the nest, and to enable her to explore new potential (plus to help the exchequer with holidays etc).

So maybe you need to think about that for later on ...

I am a Sahm mt dc's tidy up after themselves, help with mealtimes and do one household job per week ie. hoovering. My DH would kill to work the hours yours does, if he's home at 7.30 pm we consider this early and there are many weeks when he's away all week. That said when he is home he does all the cooking (by choice) and pitches in with the housework. If we assume that I'm working in the home while he is working away from the home it is only fair that we both take on the jobs that need to be done once he is home. Otherwise I'd be working more hours than him. We have never discussed this its just what a fair minded person who assumes we are equal does.

I would feel downtrodden and like a second class citizen if I lived like you describe.