To be a traditional sahm ??

kim147, I do agree with you that at face value people post on here about the lack of maintenance - but..

I doubt many RP would start a post saying - oh my ex NRP pays maintenance, it is really only the complaints we hear on here and not the good NRP and how they pay up, usually pay up and over pay up

It's also ridiculous that a child would grow up not knowing their are female Dr's, solicitors etc, what about her immediate family, her aunts, cousins, her GP, if it matters to you you can always find strong role models of either sex.

That's ridiculous, you can't go through life not talki g about your own life and set up etc for fear of upsetting others. I read OP as she was challenging some views about her own choice.

Really not helpful when we are berated for our choices and there is so etching called freedom of speech (within talk guidelines that is)

yes exactly it's the mileu her mum inhabits.housewife central,with a skewed representation
the other mums dont work,and in p1 her daughter has limited experience of encountering working mums
it has certainly been thought provoking for her mum

Very true mosman it's how you cut your cloth...actually we always did that when we both worked full time. I do all financial planning check utilities etc and he often asks, where do I out this transfer etc. he will occasionally want to check something but we are quite transparent. Our attitude to mo ey changed a lot when we reconciled generally though too, but thats another story.

sm that's so sad, but would that still be limited even if her own mum worked anyway re immediate environment. Thinking about it where I grew up everyone did work, all friends mums etc. Now type of jobs a different issue.

Once again the thing that irritates me as a WOHM is the statement about not having to work, along with head tilting and lucky me I dont have to work. Some of us do, but many of us don't but love having a career and are not cut out for staying at home. Others may not want to work but have to and gloating posts about how wonderful staying at home is must be upsetting.

Either way OPs like this either irritate or upset.

scottishmummy - if a child doesn't think women work outside the home, that is not because her mother is a SAHM, it is because, in the community she lives in, she doesn't encounter female bankers, lawyers, doctors, management consultants etc.

recahrge yes you right it's not just the career aspects you have restrictions on being able to do stuff,I always feel I. Waiti g for him to come home, I can't commit to gym classes due to his job. BUT I do what the bloody heel I like during the day, albeit with a baby in tow now and during school run.

But he too can't just go out for lunch and catch up with friends like I can as he is at work. At weekends he's knackered and I seem him stressed a lot of the time like I used to get, even before kids. I'm just pleased that there is one of us grounded to maintain the day to day stuff.

Re 3+ families, absolutely as so done said up threading just can't and wouldn't want to contemplate being on my own with so many littlies.

It is true due to my experience and seeing what has happened to friends that you should always have a back up plan and some running away money as people put it. This sounds mistrustful, no I'm mother responsible for all eventualities.

my housewife friend,her dd was doing the people who help us topic at school
girl listed jobs and drew pictures.all of men undertaking the jobs.only teacher was female
her mum asked what jobs do mums do,she replied teacher.limited direct experience of women doing anything else

Having worked for at least 6 of my 12 years of motherhood, I haven't got a pension worth getting excited about either and when my DH gets paid I transfer what I know is left for him to spend into his account and the same amount into mine, the bills are covered from a joint one so it's not about SAHM v's WOHM it's about being in a caring equal partnership and people from both camps can discover they aren't in one to their great surprise.

I was brought up I a single parent household, my mother. We had v little but she always worked and studies part time to get a better job. I think this I Implicitly instilled a study/work ethic in me.

I am definitely I charge of the house so to speak, I know what you mean Bonsoir, my ds sees me making decision, planning and doing 'my jobs'. We have shared cooking and child are at the weekends. Over Christmas he has seen us both cooking, washing doing laundry etc and he knows I study and about where I used to work. He has his jobs for pocket money and sometime es he's just expected to pitch in.

you could argue that if a child is brought up with traditional role models and they are happen educated etc then they will either chose mate based on their expectations accordingly there maybe a mate outthere who is also interested in sticking to so called traditional roles.

I think we need to remember also that school, peers and life after leaving home also influence choices, role models do not end with us the parents. I know I was heavily influenced by a an ex bf's family as I lived there for a little while.

Whatever way women still are at a disadvantage as we give birth. I don't know what the ideological arguments are underpinning overcoming this, I just make sure we have the same allowance every month

Knock yourself out OP - your choice.
Has anyone asked in the 11 pages so far whether you have a pension equal to your husband's, in your own name?

Mosman. I was very very confident in my position. Smugly confident to be honest. I was damn sure that DH was a keeper. We had been together a million years, we loved each other, he came home every night never went out other than to play football with his mates on a Tuesday night, we were having sex often, he told me how good a mother I was, how lucky he was to have me, the business wouldn't be doing as well if it wasn't for me supporting him, you name it I thought we had it. I was WRONG.

But it's not just about the career aspect of being a SAHM. There's all the other bits around it, the lack of identity other than as a wife and mother, the fact that my money came from him totally - it went into a joint account I could access freely, but the amount was totally and utterly up to him to decide I had no control. And for me that's the biggest thing about a traditional sahm set up you give so much control to the other partner and it just isn't equal. I couldn't go out if he wasn't home from work to babysit, it wasn't my money it was money he gave so once we split up he didn't have to give it any more, I didn't have many friends, not because he was abusive and drove them away like I read on the boards here but simply because my friends were his family. I have read on here about people having equal leisure time and equal left over money and I think that is a fantastic idea but a traditional sahm set up just does not give the sahm that level of equality.

Indeed, Mosman .

The role model my DSSs' mother is currently providing is: each person fends for himself. No-one is ever home, no family meals, no conversation. Home is a badly run hotel where the guests never talk to one another.

I'd also say the role model I am presenting to my children when I work isn't the best advertisement for going out to work if i'm honest.
Knackered, harassed and did I mention knackered.

I'm not suggesting it's some sort of forcefield but you'd think the OP would be pretty confident in her position before having 5 children with the man. Of course there are no guarantee's.

Mosman. I have more than 4 children and my exH still left me for his secretary. It can and does happen. Having a multitude of children is no protection.

"what kind of role model are you that you're children never seen mum in employment,or study?"

My children don't need to "see me" leave for work or study in the morning (what exactly would they be seeing me do?) to know that I am my family's think tank and to see my negotiation skills in action at home on everyone's behalf . I am not silently washing socks and serving hot meals. They all know that the person who keeps their lives moving forward (the ideas and the execution) and harmonious is me. And I happily applaud when I see them acquiring those skills because they are role-modelled daily.

Being ill or redundant isn't the same as walking out the door though is it ?

YANBU. My life is simelar in a way although DH does equal childcare when he is off and I do go to uni/tutorials as study with OU. I also used to work until had DC2. Also I don't do everything for DC they have to do their share of chores etc (not loads but make beds, clean up after tea etc) and DH does some house/garden stuff also. I am happy and don't feel I need to WOH at this point but probably might when they are grown. Also you never know if you may become single, could happy to anyone and then you may have to work like it or not.

1. What Scottishmummy said

1. Your life sounds a bit sucky to me

1. But overall..meh

I understand that, to some people, it can feel disloyal to plan as if their DH might leave them. A bit like a pre-nup, which can arose similar feelings. But I am painfully aware that DH could go under a bus, which amounts to much the same thing. I am a SAHM at the moment, and have been for a year, but I am already planning a career reboot at some point (if I can figure out what I want to do!) and returning to work is a serious factor in whether we have a third.

It doesn't mean I think everyone should work, and certainly not all the time, but I think you need to realise the risk you are taking if you never work.

Its certainly something that has to be considered, ds1s dad decided to go se everytime the csa got hold of him. I've had less than £2000 in maintenance in the last 18 years, and agree that the person you were with isn't always the same as the person they become after you break up.

As for what happens if your partner has an illness/accident we have insurances as dps work can be quite dangerous.

what kind of role model are you that you're children never seen mum in employment,or study?
would you be Happy to reverse roles for a son to be dependent adult the househusband?
can you envisage you will ever work?or pursue activity other than housewife when kids go

Mosman. I thought mine was a keeper. I was damn sure. I was wrong.