To be a traditional sahm ??

"It's hard to have respect for anyone whose life involves only themselves and their family. It's not about earning money etc, it's about contributing more to society than paying VAT on muffins and a latte."

If all adults took proper care of and responsibility for their families, there wouldn't be nearly as many societal problems, AnnieLobseder. Your attitude is reductive and inaccurate.

Mayisout - I see you neglected to copy the point about "once your children are in school". Yes, some jobs don't involve doing much. So? That doesn't make having coffee mornings while you wait for the afternoon school run any more intellectually challenging or beneficial to society. It's hard to have respect for anyone whose life involves only themselves and their family. It's not about earning money etc, it's about contributing more to society than paying VAT on muffins and a latte. And like I said, I don't aim this just at SAHP, but anyone who doesn't work or volunteer their time.

Arisbottle, I wonder if your appreciation of the job (SAHM) was partly due to the fact you knew it was temporary.

Also there is a difference if eg your DH works away from home for days/weeks at a time, or Dh gets home at 8.30 (OP has a DH doing 9-5 (v unusual nowadays)), you have close friends or family helping out so you get the occasional day off, you have adult friends to socialise with during the day etc

When I was a WOH person, I and most of my female colleagues were pretty desperate for light relief. Since there wasn't much time for it, we would often shop in our lunch hour - we worked dangerously close to the rue du Faubourg Saint-Honoré and would spend silly amounts of money on shoes and bags in order to cheer ourselves up. The rest of our long days was very serious (and dull). TBH it would have been better to spend 30 minutes having a coffee and chit chat at 9am.

Light relief is a normal and healthy part of life .

I can honestly say hand on heart that I find being a parent just as rewarding now that my children are older (12 and 9) than when they were very small. And for all I know it will carry on being just as rewarding when they grow up even more. I work with a number of colleagues who have adult children and they often talk about things they've done at weekends and it's clear they adore their children's company.

Having a child is for life- not just the pre school years- and it always seems a bit sad if people think its all downhill once they start school. So i totally agree with that last sentiment about making sure every phase of life is fulfilling

Numerical - I was more trying to make the point that as wonderful as it looked, when I got a bit closer to it - it was fun but pretty boring and I was happy to be going into work rather than waste time on yet another inane conversations. I spend a lot of time with SAHM as that is the majority of our school population - so there is a lot of dinner parties, sports watching, coffee mornings etc that of course I attend when I can. Many were lawyers, bankers, consultants - and many were PA's. For many different reasons they decided not to work - all can afford not to because most of their DH's are in the city. But I can tell you, very honestly and not trying to be passive aggressive - the conversations whether at a coffee morning or a cocktail party, are rarely more profound than the immediacy of their lives. So no I am not looking for a drop off - dropping off the fiscal ledge conversation, but I also think the education that went into many of these women is being severely wasted. Aristotle is right - being a mother to young children is the most rewarding time of your life - so why not make sure the rest of your life is just as rewarding.

I have been a SAHP for different lengths of time , four times. Even with a pre schooler or a few pre schoolers I would not really call it work .

It was however the most rewarding time in my life.

being a SAHP isn't work, it's a lifestyle choice

Jeesh, there certainly used to be many jobs which involved pushing paper around or being in charge, with little evidence of results from either.

You sound very happy and content with your lot OP and if you have that happy positive attitude with the rest of your life, working or not, you will probably be busy and fulfilled.

Ime the twenty somethings today who are WOHM don't seem to have the guilt chip on their shoulder that previous generations have, they have to work to pay the mortgage so the SAHM is not an option and their DCs will be fine there's not a problem.

I wohm, I have a job with big responsibilities etc but if I was sitting in a coffee shop I would be talking about something inane. Who really takes themselves that seriously that they talk about work with people in a coffee shop?

I am, and suspect I will always remain, completely baffled by anyone, male or female, rich or poor, whose life's ambition is never to work. And no, once your children are in school, being a SAHP isn't work, it's a lifestyle choice. Your choice, sure, but not one I'll ever understand.

I'm happy for you. I'd love that opportunity I really would.

Your family, your choice.

Well, i haven't yet seen a thread which starts:

'I work. I am a parent and I have a job too. Don't really need to tell you that and I don't wish to discuss any aspect of it. I just wanted to start a thread telling you all'

Until that happens, I'm sticking with the facts, which are that WOHM will (quite rightly ) vigorously defend themselves when they encounter some of the bullshit flung around, but they don't start threads to deliberately shit stir and attack how other people do things.

Meow

Where is OP? Still washing up??!

i look at uggs then think nah, im too tight to oay out esp for suede

I like uggs and am glad I do especially as you don't Scottish!

you know when i worked full time and it was coffee or lunchtime i still talked about tv, shopping etc and not eu referendums and such like. equally i got into a discussion with a school gate mum about middle east and was shocked at their views to point ive sistanced myself

u cant be serious about generalising content of convos

wonder if the pe teacher with mustache male or female?
wonder if it dead noticeable
folk in ugg boots have no reason to admonish anyone else,given how minging uggs are

Scottishmummy - yes we know as you always love to tell us how you think working mums are soooooo much better...

It must be where you live bickie... Is it somewhere posh

I freelance on projects and do them in the evening so am sort of a sahm and I deliberately chose this route to be home with my young children but each to their own. I do find a lot of snidey comments seem to get directed at sahm on threads like these which is unpleasant.

Koba, no one expects SAHMs to be discussing the fiscal cliff after the morning drop off. It is just the inanity of making light and banal conversation more often than once in a while that will do my head in. Hence I am at the school gate very occasionally but prefer to trot off to work on most days.

Gimmecake - It is terrible I know - because actually I am in total agreement that each to their own - I really do get why women would choose to be SAHMs. I just get so depressed when grown women seem to have nothing other than their children and the school or the PTA to talk about. It may just be my area - where there are a lot of wealthy SAHM with a truckload of staff - so they don't have bigger fish to fry. I am sorry to be passive aggressive. It's why I don't come on MN often - brings out the worst in me.

What should they have been talking about? Chinese censorship? German economics in the interwar years? Seriously, what the fuck?

bickie - it's not that they have nothing to talk about - it's just early morning chit chat.

There are WOHMs that sneak along to post drop-off coffee with SAHMs at our school in search of a bit of light relief too.