To be a traditional sahm ??

If I was a SAHM my children would certainly benefit. As a working mother I am often exhausted and can be ratty, as a SAHP I was much calmer and never stressed. On an average week day I have two hours a day with my children , one hour with my youngest . If I was a SAHP I could have so much more time with them. My husband would also be less tired as he has to help around the house after a demanding job, if one of us could run the house in the day whist the other was a work we would have more quality time together.

I agree janey work benefits me to. I would go crazy stuck indoors all day and I love spending my wages. Even if I was a multi millionaire I'd still want to work. (I'd just pay people to cook and clean up after me instead )

What is so wrong with after school club OP? I finish work and am home for 2 most days so my dc don't do it but I wouldn't have any problem with them having to go. They'd get snacks, hot chocolate, help with homework, access to school library and playground and would have a great time with their friends.

I don't like the smugness of I'm a SAHM I look after my dc implying that working mums don't. You might not feel like that but it comes across like that IMO OP.

I've read the whole thread and OP YANBU as it's your life and your choices (and your children even if they grow up expecting women to cook and clean, which is sad but again they're your children).
But what was your point really with your original post?
Did you want to know how the rest of us live?
And how would that help you with your life choices, given you are quite happy with your choices?
... Unless you are secretly not that happy and wanted some sort of sounding board?

InNeedOfABrandy - to answer your question from my perspective: I don't think it makes a huge benefit or non benefit to my children whether I work or not. The benefit is to me. I am using the skills and experience I've built up, it provides intellectual stimulation and a social life (not saying you can't get those without a job but it certainly adds an extra dimension) - oh and the salary and pension are nice too

IMO the problem is when people do start trying to claim that their way (whether staying at home or working) is so much better for their children.

I'd also add that I agree totally with kim's point: it'a lot of pressure for one partner to be sole earner, so for many couples it suits them well to both share earning and the domestic side of things. As I said much earlier in the thread, if you partner someone of similar abilities, outlook and values, it actually can seem quite odd to suddenly veer off in totally separate directions when you become parents, with only one partner having a career and the other doing absolutely everything to do with home and childcare. Why not both get to enjoy the pleasures (and take on the pressures) of both those thing?

Ok say the mother doesn't use after school club and works term time only and takes parental leave days for dc sick days then what is the difference?

I mean you and other SAHM's talk about doing your job at home and thats running the house and looking after the dc cleaning and cooking dinner I assume. I no way mean this in a bitchy way just like to point out. I do all of the cooking cleaning washing packed lunches ironing school runs (mostly) I bake cakes and cook from scratch whilst working. So I assume a SAHM with school age dc do all that just without working so how does it benefit or not benefit dc either way?

My whole point is what is the difference whether you work or not on your dc if you take money and depending on someone out of the equation.

Could someone please explain to me in layman terms what a SAHM does with school age children different then a working mum? Genuine question.

Yeah, cause that was clearly the motivation for the thread

"dentally retarded"?? I'm not surprised that killed the conversation. I too would have little to say someone who made such a tasteless "joke".

I didn't say that .

Bonsoir I work in the commercial sector and I find your comments about everyone there being selfish bizarre even for MN.

bickie Fri 04-Jan-13 10:26:55

"I think those mothers are taking their children's future seriously and that if you haven't the time or inclination to do so yourself, their attitude makes you anxious."

Disagree!!! I think this has become their one and only role - to ensure their children succeed and they support their husband's careers. As women we should have moved on from that role of just being about the future success of our children. It is important of course - but should it be our raison d'être?

bickie I have seen this living vicariously through your child syndrome many times too and it always seems to SAHMs that do it. The boring conversations I have moved away from at the PTA meetings with the one-upmanship about which piano grade little Jonny was in or which Maths set little Melinda had just moved up to were legion....

TBH I used to just say my kids were dentally retarded and no more when prompted to join in. They were late with their teeth and that response used to kill the rivalry dead.

Indeed Bonsoir. In a perhaps slightly roundabout way, that was my point, and why I thought Mayisout's post was slightly odd.

Why have I never come across men having these debates?