To be a traditional sahm ??

no it is not just about getting a career but being independent being able to be independent is very important, the op herself has said she does everything for her children and her husband but what does she do for herself where is she in all this

patronising as it may sound to you and you seem to be getting very defensive being able to be on your own, support yourself make choices in your life that are about you i feel is every important I am to going to pretend that it is not in fear of upsetting others

yes Freud, because a sahm doesn't impart her knowledge to her children, does she? Getting an education is not just useful as a means of climbing a career path you know. How narrow minded and patronising you are.

really what is there to celebrate in someone having never used their college education, never worked never been an independent adult and their whole life revolves around looking after others

I think that the OP was suggesting being a sahm and then being a stay at home wife, so no job ever. I don't criticise her for that.

Just for me it wouldn't work. I have been a sahm for two years now. I know its not for me. When I was working I was on the board of Governors at my my dds school, I made the 'tea' for the bonfire society and I helped out at the playgroup. I do less now as a sahm than I did when I was working.

alot of conflicted/troubled/resentful wohm's on this thread. As ever.

only the OP I think.

You want the op to 'lift herself up' ??
What a load of patronising tosh!
Because we can only be complete human beings if we work?
Do we all rot in retirement then?
These threads are so predictable. They always always descend into sahm bashing. Always.
And as for those of you berating the op for starting a bunfight!!
She didn't tie you down and force you to write silly, patronising insults about sahm's. You did that all on your own.

Are there many posters suggesting being a SAHM forever?

I am a SAHM at the moment. Its fine but it doesnt sit easily with me. I do lots of stuff, mainly sports based. But I would still do that if I had a job. I'm interesting. I hate not earning my own money, I hate that my pension is a pathetic predicted £500 per annum.

Yes it is rather contradictory isn't it!

I'm just waiting for the aibu "to raise my daughters to be sahms"

I find it hard to understand the posters here who feel they must be sahm to help their children navigate an (allegedly) increasingly competitive environment for education and work yet have themselves opted out of any achievement outside the home.

If people can afford to stay at home and look after children for a few years and that's what they want to do then fine. But to say it is a career is just total nonsense. It's a short term thing. I don't think it is an entirely good role model for girls in the home to see that their mother has never done anything but look after children and mind the house. That is my opinion.

It's not denigrating choices, bunny, it's a complete failure to comprehend how anyone could define their entire lives around being only a wife and mother. I didn't say I'm actually good at any of those things I listed. I'm quite bad at some of them!! My point is that I like to think I'm a well-rounded person, and have a range of interests and achievements. It's more about wanting the OP to see herself as more. I'm sure she is more, I'm sure she could be more. Human beings are capable of awesome things. I don't want to put the OP down, I want her to lift herself up.

But I suppose that's not something anyone can do but the OP herself.

'Any fool can get married and have kids, it's hardly and achievement.'

You can say that about marriage, having kids - and being a skydiver/singer/scientist/marathon runner for that matter. All these may be easy things to do on some level - but not necessarily easy to do well.

Why do you feel the need to denigrate those who make certain life choices?

I have a PhD from Oxford

Really? And a BSc from Cambridge no doubt.

Every time I see one of these threads I'm tempted to start a 'AIBU to have a well paid and interesting job that is more fun than looking after children' but then I can't be arsed because clearly I'm not.

I find it quite sad that you have never used your college education and that your life is all about other people

to say great for you would be hypocritical of me

Well done OP! You started a bunfight. Hope you're as proud about that achievement as you are of your housework

Hi there

I asked yonks ago: what about you, YOU, not wife, mother, or cook/cleaner, what about you? What do you do for you? Genuine q, not poking with a stick

I think you're lucky you can afford to be a SAHM these days. Me and my ex both had to work to support our DS and to pay the bills. I'd have loved to have stayed at home, run the house, go to playgroups, look after DS rather than go to work.

Still it's a good thing she maintained her career so she is able to support herself after we separated.

I have the choice to 'liberate myself' by going out to work if I want to. I choose not to at the moment. My DH and I are a team. We decided jointly the division of labour in terms of raising a family. We could have done it differently but in the end this is what made sense economically and was really my preference. When my children are older I plan to go back to work.

You don't need to apologise op and you did not in any way come across like some are saying. Be happy and confident in your choices, but do let your children take on some chores! You sound lovely to me x

And some posters have been trying to gently point out what the dangers of your chosen lifestyle are to you and your children, and even your DH, but you do appear to be doing a good impression of going "LALALALALALALALA" with your fingers in your ears. Ah well, your life.....

It is ironic nodecentnickname. Very much so!

do you really need it spelt out,housewife livin on male wage.it's not liberating
its patriarchal man work,woman recipiepient of Male salary and raising the family
it's a reenactment of women place is home but give it faux social science gravitas