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Original poster

To hate it when midwives say "good girl" when women are giving birth

133 replies

thing1andthing2 · 10/09/2012 20:59

I hear it all the time on OBEM and more recently The Midwives. Women are giving it their all, pushing out their babies, and the midwives say "good girl". I know it's supposed to be encouraging, but still, can you imagine a man enduring an invasive procedure and the doctor or nurse reassuring him by saying "good boy, just relax, good boy, you're doing really well"?

I can't.

And if it's not OK to patronise a man this way, how come it's ok to be so patronising to women?

Rant over.

OP posts:
Emphaticmaybe · 10/09/2012 22:11

I agree good girl is patronising, but silly girl is worse.

After stoically, (not too much fuss or pain relief) giving birth when I was 20, I found I couldn't stop crying with relief when DS was born. The midwife said 'Silly girl that was the easy bit - wait till you get him home.'

I wanted to say - 'there is nothing 'girlish' about what my body has just managed to do and definitely nothing 'silly' in crying with absolute relief that it is over and I have a healthy baby - so shut the patronising f..k up' - but obviously I just blubbed loads more instead.

CouvelaireHair · 10/09/2012 22:09

YANBU This is a pet hate of mine. Its very patronising and can be triggering Sad

Also can't stand 'go on, go on, go on' in Mrs Doyle style. Awful.

dontlaugh · 10/09/2012 21:58

Better than 'keeppushingkeeppushingkeeppushingkeeppushingkeeppushingkeeppudhingkeeppushingkeeppushingkeeppushing....andagainandagain'. I get mad just typing it. I should have told her to justfuckoff.

shockers · 10/09/2012 21:58

thing1andthing2, I have been having the lady v woman debate with my DS (12). I can't explain why I would find someone describing me as 'That woman' more offensive than 'That lady', but I would. I describe myself as a woman rather than a lady though Confused

I wouldn't have minded 'Good girl', there was obviously a very difficult situation going on in the delivery suite next door and the midwife was distracted, she hardly spoke. I still wonder about the poor lady in there, and if everything turned out ok.

GoldandOrangeAnnunziata · 10/09/2012 21:54

It's funny, I would hate 'mighty woman' with a passion! I'd probably laugh in their face.

EverlongYouAreGoldAndOrange · 10/09/2012 21:50

Really? You would hate that?

I wouldn't give it a seconds thought.

Strange.

dontlaugh · 10/09/2012 21:48

One called me a 'mighty woman' - I felt great tbh and still remember it 6 years in.. The good girl business is a pile of shit really. Imagine: 'Good boy, lovely vasectomy there'.

Lolwhut · 10/09/2012 21:45

I had a DS in the US and they kept saying 'good job'. Confused

If the midwife were a lot older than me I wouldn't mind called 'good girl'

Original poster
thing1andthing2 · 10/09/2012 21:44

I agree wizard with your point about addressing women, but I don't know why "women" or "woman" has negative overtones. Like, when I'm talking about a stranger to my 2 year old dd I usually say "that lady" instead of "that woman" as it seems more polite.
But of course you can't say "good woman" to encourage someone. So I suppose that's not really relevant to the point.

OP posts:
FreudiansGoldSlipper · 10/09/2012 21:42

my MW told me i was a very good girl as i was not causing a fuss - i could not cause a fuss or scream as i was in too much pain

it amused me as i was 35 :)

she came across as caring not patronising tbh she coudl have called me anything i would not have cared

NCForNow · 10/09/2012 21:40

I instructed mine to not call me "Mum" or "Good Girl" as soon as I arrived.

They went Hmm and I went Grin "It's part of my birth plan!"

GoldandOrangeAnnunziata · 10/09/2012 21:38

Didn't bother me at all. Everyone's different though.

WizardofOs · 10/09/2012 21:36

Can't remember if MW has ever said that to me. The only listening that went on was during first birth when I had an epidural. Other times I was too busy being in pain to hear.

I do remember DH getting on my wick and almost telling him to STFU.

I work in adult education and it is really hard to know how to address a group of adult women. I go for 'women' such as 'can I have the women over here' but some people think this is rude and use 'ladies'. I don't like 'ladies' but hate, loathe and detest 'girls' although it is what lots of women use to refer to themselves...makes my teeth itch.

WizardofOs · 10/09/2012 21:36

Can't remember if MW has ever said that to me. The only listening that went on was during first birth when I had an epidural. Other times I was too busy being in pain to hear.

I do remember DH getting on my wick and almost telling me to STFU.

I work in adult education and it is really hard to know how to address a group of adult women. I go for 'women' such as 'can I have the women over here' but some people think this is rude and use 'ladies'. I don't like 'ladies' but hate, loathe and detest 'girls' although it is what lots of women use to refer to themselves...makes my teeth itch.

YoullLaughAboutItOneDay · 10/09/2012 21:34

I had it in my birth plan second time. DH was also briefed to take them to one side. I actually ended up with a BBA, but I think I probably would have whacked someone if they had called me a girl at that moment.

Napdamnyou · 10/09/2012 21:33

It is no doubt meant well but I can see that it would be incredibly annoying.
Especially if you are older than said midwife.

I doubt men are told good boy when they are encouraged to do something hard and painful like take first steps after a stroke or what have you.

A simple 'good' or 'great, keep going', or 'well done, you're doing it' would work better with me.

floradix · 10/09/2012 21:31

I would not have cared if they had called me Fido when I was giving birth.

SelfRighteousPrissyPants · 10/09/2012 21:31

I was more pissed off that the mw's kept saying how wonderful my oh was! Still it was a hb and they had to keep him happy or they wouldn't get so much tea and biccies I suppose Hmm

JumpingThroughMoreHoops · 10/09/2012 21:27

Never seen a man give birth so your comparison is inept and pointless.

Original poster
thing1andthing2 · 10/09/2012 21:19

I put it on my birth plan (not to call me a good girl) but then took it off again as I didn't want to get the midwives backs up unnecessarily!

OP posts:
ZiaMaria · 10/09/2012 21:19

Makes note to add to birth plan

pigletmania · 10/09/2012 21:15

Goodness you lot are uptight. I don't care one jot. It akes me feel you g Grin

OHforDUCKScake · 10/09/2012 21:15

YANBU, Id hate anyone to say that to me.

GetOnYourDancingShoes · 10/09/2012 21:10

XH said this to me when I was giving birth to DS1.

Patronising bastard!

MrsVamos · 10/09/2012 21:10

I got told I was a naughty girl and a silly girl when I had my DD.

Someone else in the room told her off.