To hate it when midwives say "good girl" when women are giving birth

Yes Everlong. I delivered 2 babies that way. They both said 'hello x' with a smile then sat themselves close but where I couldn't see them.

I get that Valium

Someone showing empathy and kindness when you need it most. It's lovely

It's not about seeing girls as silly.

It's that I am a grown woman, not a girl!

No one would think of saying good boy to DS if he was in pain!

It's patronising, even if not meant to be.

Depends wether you see girls as silly I suppose, I don't so don't mind being called one... just musing.

Oh I don't know...I'm not a girl am I? I look quite thing-like at times though!

I'd rather be called girl than thing!

In order to avoid calling me "Good girl" and patronising me, my Mum has said
"Good thing" for years now when I do something well.

everlong honestly, I couldn't have cared what she said, she was so kind, and still 11 years on I think of her and get a bit teary :)

Really starlight?

Did that happen for you?

My birth plan pretty much said don't touch me, the baby or talk to me.

Aw valium

delivered

When ds was delivers by section at 32 weeks, the female surgeon said ' Well done mum for carrying him this long' - I could've kissed her!

YADNBU! Also when they call the couple "mum" and "dad"
"Mum, you have a puff on the gas and air, and Dad, can you help to make Mum a bit more comfortable, hold her hand.." FFS , my name is AFTEREIGHT, not Mum. The only notes I put on my birthplan 2nd time around were that I wanted to be called my own name, and I wanted drugs

I should preview my damn posts.

The first when I was 20!

I did once have a boyfriend call me a "good girl" during sex though. That was creepy as fuck, and I asked him not to again.

The last person who called me a good girl was my dad when I was about 15. He wasn't being creepy. He was just really pleased I'd tidied my room after days of my mum telling me to do it. He couldn't take much more of the arguments

I still asked him huffily not to do it again and he didn't.

It's not at all precious not to like it.

Good point and post nanny I can understand where you are coming from although I don't agree with it personally.

I've given birth 5 times, the when I was 20 and the last when I was 37.

I can only remember being told good girl once. Although it could have been said during the other labours.

The one I remembered was with ds3 a horrendous labour and birth. Quite a few complications, some distress with ds all in all a painful and worrying time.

My MW was excellent and kept reassuring me I could do it, I kept saying I couldn't. I remember after lots of contractions her saying ' good girl ' to me. I was 23 so I was a girl I suppose, but it felt lovely to me.

I liked it

I think the MW may have said it, but she said a lot of things and I was in agony and it's all a bit of a blur. I disagree that it's always somehow patronising; in my particular situation, the MW was a lot older than me, and acted in a very maternal way - bit no nonsense, and lots of guidance rather than instructions - and that was what I needed in that situation. MWs should follow a woman's cues, and if she wants to feel like a more experienced woman is helping her, then that is what she should have.

Everlong do you speak to everyone, and always expect to be spoken to in the same manner you speak to your friends? I don't, my friends and I call each other all kinds of things we wouldn't take from elsewhere. Never "good girl" though, I can't imagine that, but I suppose that is just how we interact.

I did once have a boyfriend call me a "good girl" during sex though. That was creepy as fuck, and I asked him not to again.

I'm trying to imagine a situation where I might be pleased to be addressed like that (there are a few where I would tolerate it, but not prefer it). The only one I can think of is from my parents, but that's mostly nostalgia and it would make me feel like a kid.

Different situations. I would just rather a medical professional didn't use that turn of phrase when I was in a vulnerable position. I know "disempowering" is a fluffy hippy crap term, but it's a simple way to put it. In a social situation if someone I was on equal terms with called me a good girl I would probably feel a little silly, in a young, giggly girly, blushing with pride kind of way, I'm not into that, but it's OK, and in that situation, you can throw it right back at them. In labour I need to feel like I am strong, capable and safe (i.e. in charge, no one is going to do something to me I don't want, or talk me into something I don't want), because otherwise it's hard to imagine getting through it.

Can you imagine turning to your midwife and saying "good girl, you did a lovely job on that cannula"

I don't recall it from either labour to be honest, but agree that 'good girl' is patronising. It's kindly meant so I would never say anything. Would just be struck that as you say OP, grown men are never told 'good boy'.

I do recall MIL who's Irish, cuddling DD when she was tiny and crying and saying in a soft, soothing voice, 'ah you poor little woman' - made me the notion of it.

Very true Everlong :)

I have no idea whatsoever what they called me - I was far to busy lol

That's the whole point of aibu isn't it though

It does seem an odd thing to say in retrospect.

My midwife said it to many times during the birth and I have to say I didn't give a fig as I was too busy concentrating on the pain/pushing.

My DH wasn't too impressed and thought it sounded patronising. He didn't say anything to the midwife though. I'm glad because even though it does sound rather odd/patronising I think it is intended purely as encouragement and I think ''good lady'' would probably sound ridiculous!