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Original poster

To hate it when midwives say "good girl" when women are giving birth

133 replies

thing1andthing2 · 10/09/2012 20:59

I hear it all the time on OBEM and more recently The Midwives. Women are giving it their all, pushing out their babies, and the midwives say "good girl". I know it's supposed to be encouraging, but still, can you imagine a man enduring an invasive procedure and the doctor or nurse reassuring him by saying "good boy, just relax, good boy, you're doing really well"?

I can't.

And if it's not OK to patronise a man this way, how come it's ok to be so patronising to women?

Rant over.

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Ablushingcrow · 16/10/2024 17:57

It is patronising I agree. Although 30 years ago I was 17 years old in late stages of labour and the horrible midwife kept shouting at me, "Why are you making all that noise you stupid girl! Be quiet now!" Then I desperately needed to sit up, when I tried she pushed me back down and said, you're not going anywhere, lay on your back and stay there! 😞

Bubblemonkey · 16/10/2024 08:35

The only comment I remember the midwife making was that baby didn’t look to have a lot of hair. It’s not that deep 🤷🏼‍♀️

JellyBoatsAndPirates · 16/10/2024 00:56

Blimey,.this is a zombie thread and a half 😁
Had forgotten all about this username (Big Cook Little Cook flashback nostalgia and said 5 year old in my comment now strapping old teenager! 😁)

Dotto · 16/10/2024 00:10

Student midwives are taught in uni never to say this

MoggieKt · 16/10/2024 00:04

I am irritated by all those actors always screaming as they are supposed to be in labour, even after the baby has been 'born'! What message do they give to ladies pregnant for the first time? Using the same baby each time as well.

littleducks · 11/09/2012 14:31

My MW didnt talk to me much, in fact she was out the room until i was pushing then sat and watched quietly, chatting to dh at times Grin second baby was BBA.

I go into my zone and ignore everything else after transition, helps with the pain, no talking and def no touching.

The HCA was lovely, offered to burn some kind of incense as pain relief Hmm. It didnt make a blind bit of difference to the pain, but room smelt nice!

EverlongYouAreGoldAndOrange · 11/09/2012 14:17

My midwife said good to me after a lots of painful contractions, I was tired and in agony. I have no doubt whatsoever that she said it to encourage me.

And she did.

StarlightMcKenzie · 11/09/2012 14:10

You are vulnerable but you are not a dependent. If it is not appropriate for a woman to say 'good girl' to the mw after she has taken her blood pressure, it is not appropriate for a mw to say it to a labouring woman.

But it is more complicated than that. The word 'good' makes a value judgement. Is she 'good' for not shouting though she wants to? Good for refusing/accepting an epidural? Good for refusing/accepting/requesting a physiological 3rd stage?

A labouring woman is never GOOD. She is what she is.

MarysBeard · 11/09/2012 14:05

I have also noticed people using "boy" to refer to grown men, moreso when they are black, esp commentators with sportsmen. Sad

I did find "good girl" a bit annoying in labour but not enough to be bothered about it. With other uses of "girl" I guess it depends who is saying it and the context.

aufaniae · 11/09/2012 14:01

My midwife was a cow. Nothing special about that relationship. (Must get round to making a formal complaint about her, actually).

"Good girl" would certainly not have been appropriate!

valiumredhead · 11/09/2012 14:01

Yep, I agree everlong

EverlongYouAreGoldAndOrange · 11/09/2012 13:59

The relationship between a woman and her midwife is unique.

You are vulnerable like it or not. They are involved in something very private and special.

I think that's why good girl is appropriate to me Smile

StarlightMcKenzie · 11/09/2012 13:53

Why is it Valium. I can't say I agree.

aufaniae · 11/09/2012 13:50

That is funny Proudnscary Grin

aufaniae · 11/09/2012 13:50

I go on girls' nights out with my friends, I don't find that patronising as it's a term we chose to call ourselves, and DP also has boys nights. It's not meant to be taken seriously.

A midwife saying "good girl" is a totally different context. She's there in a professional capacity, and I reckon most who use it would never dream of saying "good boy" to a grown man who was in pain! And that's the main point.

It also sounds like she's addressing a dog FFS!

Proudnscary · 11/09/2012 13:48

My very tired and slightly delirous husband said 'Good boy' to me while I was pushing out my daughter.

I would have laughed if I hadn't been in abject fucking agony.

valiumredhead · 11/09/2012 13:48

Because the midwife/ mum to be relationship is completely different.

valiumredhead · 11/09/2012 13:47

Sorry that was in reply to everlong

valiumredhead · 11/09/2012 13:45

It ceartainly is old gel Wink

StarlightMcKenzie · 11/09/2012 13:45

But why is a term of endearment appropriate?

I would never use it with my clients.

EverlongYouAreGoldAndOrange · 11/09/2012 13:43

Boys night, girls night it's all cool Wink

valiumredhead · 11/09/2012 13:43

It's a term of endearment imo not patronising.

AdoraBell · 11/09/2012 13:42

I didn't have a midwife (forrin birth) and while I am quite sure that most are not trying to be patronising with their encouragement, if anyone uses "good girl" with me I inwardly think "woof" as for me it's a way to talk to dogs. I do appreciate the use with young children, but in my mind it's a dog thing

StarlightMcKenzie · 11/09/2012 13:42

But men Say boys night too.

EverlongYouAreGoldAndOrange · 11/09/2012 13:41

But I think women do refer to each as girls.

I don't send a mass text to my friends saying ' shall we have a women's night out ' that would be weird.

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