To try for a 3rd child in my circumstances...

Regardless of how you are conceiving, a very good friend of mine who had 3 children told me ' I have three children, but only two hands'. This stuck with me, and I have two children...

@Wicks71 I’m curious too. What’s the end of the story?

My apologies, I’ve just joined here and didn’t realise it was an old thread. Sorry for my error.

I don’t understand why people post on old threads but I didn’t realise it was a zombie so read it thinking it was recent. Now I’m curious if OP went ahead with it. @Wicks71

ZOMBIE THREAD

@Knackered80 why on earth would you suddenly post on this 9 year old thread?!

Would be intrigued to know if OP did have a third child though!

I had my first at 39 and second at 43, both ivf babies. Would love another if it was humanly possible !

I'd do it. And I'd have 2 put back too. It's usually only a 30% chance of twins even with 2 good blasts.

Any doctor or fertility expert would be hard pressed to say anything other than that the 20s are the optimal time, physically. But most pregnancies and births in women's 30s and 40s will be completely normal and healthy.

I say go for it, there are something like 30,000 children born each year to UK mums over 40.

Can't do links as on phone, but I've just always heard optimum time for pregnancies is twenties eg below. Not to say as you said that other factors can be as or more important.

www.ehow.com/about_4571214_age-baby.html

www.buzzle.com/articles/best-age-to-have-a-baby.html

'don't they say you're body best copes with pregnancy when you're young.'

No. For example, being obese is associated with greater problems in childbirth in younger mothers same as older ones. Women have been having babies in their late 30s and 40s for centuries.

I wasn't saying anyone should do anything, I gave my personal opinion about what I and only me, would do.
And of course some people don't 'choose' to have them later in life, that's just the way it goes really, I didn't say they all did.
I also gave my personal account of having older parents, as have others, just to give a another view.
What I was trying to say about easier births etc (weird how the jeans thing stood out) was something like, don't they say you're body best copes with pregnancy when you're young. However, this does not mean women older than this do not have easier births etc, as you have pointed out gentleness.
However I don't believe it's a silly assumption to say a lot of women (this does not mean all) leave children til later - i think this is quite well documented.
As I said I was giving another view that goes against the grain, I don't feel sorry for anyone's children but I am allowed to have my own opinion.

Here, here, Gentleness!

to scubastevie - not every women chooses to have kids late so less of the silly assumptions please. I married at 32 having been declared infertile at 27. After a surprise impossible pregnancy discovered only when we had an early miscarriage, it took 3 years and 2 further miscarriages before we had our son. I was 35 then. My pregnancies have been much, much easier than those of some friends who were 5 to 15 years younger. And deliveries. And breastfeeding. I'm tough enough and have experience enough to deal with the challenges anyway. That's a great thing age gives you.

It's sad that your life experiences have been so limited that you are still unaware that women over 50 can be way more interesting, remarkable and useful than women 30 years younger. Don't feel sorry for my kids, they've got the benefit of my years and acquired sense that will help them avoid being defined by other people's assumptions. And I don't think I'll be bringing them up to truly care about the size of anyone's jeans....

Scubastevie not "pinging back into your jeans" is hardly a reason not to have a child.
Where my ds has just started school, most of the women dropping off are clearly well into their thirties.

I agree with Gentleness, leave it for a month and revisit.

I used to say I wouldn't have a baby over 35, too. When I was foolish and time was on my side. I ate my words. Twice.

'I know a lot of women leave having babies til later in life now but that doesn't mean its 'right'.'

So women who weren't able to find a suitable partner willing to parent with them until they're 35 should just not have children?

My easiest conception and birth was when I was 37.

I'm going to go against the grain here and am shocked at how many say just go for it. Personally I wouldn't have a baby over 35, not least because of health implications (higher risk mc, more difficult preg and birth, more chance of abnormalities etc) but also to think about how the actual baby will feel having such older parents. My mum had me quite late and I hated having old parents, it was so much more difficult to relate to them etc as they are just that much older and just didn't 'get' things. Not to mention that they won't have you around for as long as they probably want, or to be young grandparents to their children. I'm not saying that this is the case all the time but it is something to consider.
Also how it will impact you, if you say you're already not a tidy/organised person no.3 will add another persons mess and washing to the equation.
I know a lot of women leave having babies til later in life now but that doesn't mean its 'right'. You will find that younger mothers usually have easier births/labours, less stretch marks and will ping back in their jeans much quick because unfortunately that is what nature intended.
I hope this gives another perspective. Good luck with whichever decision you make, only you can know what feels right for you.

Why not try making the decision for a month and seeing how it sits. If you decide to go for it next month, you'll have time to cancel.

Looking at your list is a lesson in why pro/con lists sometimes bring stalemate. Each point needs some kind of weighting which is impossible to quantify and maybe one heart point is enough to discount 10 head points.

One thing though: a couple of your cons stood out. Time and patience. Can you imagine making further changes after a new baby that would help if they remained a concern? That might be a tipping point.

Every day you don't do it, you are getting older. If that is the main consideration for holding off, then you should just go ahead and do it today. Goodluck, if all else fails, get a dog, it sort of grounded our family! We live away from family support, we're older and decided to count our blessings and stick to two, but we would have really liked four. Do we regret it? Kind of and kind of not. Sorry, not very helpful.

I'm a bit younger than you (just turned 33) but we have just been soul searching about having a second child.

Dh was very keen, I not so sure.

In the end I realised that that month I was fairly (although not completely - I've only just given up breastfeeding and my cycle is a bit of a mess) sure that I had already ovulated that month. So we started trying knowing that it almost certainly wouldn't work.

When at the end of the month we found I wasn't pregnant I was sad (rather than relieved) so we are now trying properly. (As of last night! )

Are you using contraception at the moment? Could you stop? I know the odds for you must be teeny but if you did get pregnant then it really would be "meant to be". And if you don't then you would have a much clearer idea how you feel about it.

It's the Russian Roulette way of making a decision!

I had DS at 42 after 4 years of trying / miscarriages. I worry that I will be 60 when he's 18 but there are quite a few mums in their 50s with youngish children so he won't be the only one. What will be will be.