To not give bj to dh when I don't feel like sex?

Yellow, I think that is a really good point - "calling acts that some women enjoy "degrading" is a great thing to do because it suggests that there's something wrong with you if you do enjoy it."

The argument has strayed a lot here. Everyone seems to be agreeing that the OP isn't BU to not give a bj when she doesn't want sex - but there is a real undercurrent here that anyone who does give 'random' bj's to their partner is degrading themself, letting women down etc. They are not. Their sex life is just different.

I enjoy pleasuring my DP, and I will happily do it even if I am not in the mood myself. It gives me pleasure (of a sort of non-sexual sort) to give him pleasure. There is nothing degrading about that.

CaramelTree, my period pains are too much to even entertain the thought of an orgasm.

Lucky you!

Agree Krumbum, it's very sad.

There are not even any short standard slang for cunnilingus and other sex acts that stimulates the clitoris/vulva. Meanwhile the ones that stimulate the penis are called "jobs". Getting really annoyed with this after my thinking earlier on.

I don't understand this thing that people keep saying about giving blow jobs with no other sex act for the woman because you have your period.

Are some women unable to have an orgasm because they have their period? Is it a hormonal thing? I think orgasms are better during a period.

I don't think anyone mentioned empowering, cardgames.

I would never argue that there's not a huge amount of pressure on women to act and look a certain way. However, I think we need to look at building girls' and women's confidence to know what it is that THEY want to do in bed AND what they don't want to do. As such, I never think that calling acts that some women enjoy "degrading" is a great thing to do because it suggests that there's something wrong with you if you do enjoy it.

I think that, in general, a lot of people have better sex lives than say, 60 years ago, when women weren't expected to enjoy sex at all and probably had very little say in what went on in their sex life. Maybe things have gone too much the other way and women are expected to be sexy all the time.

Like I said, I've never felt any pressure to do anything I didn't want to - in fact, just one guy who told me I should shave my pubes and I just laughed at him.

I think the issue is much more complicated than just "porn means women are forced into doing things they don't want".

I can't know but as I said, there is a huge amount of pressure on women my age obviously from my experience to do only sex acts that pleasure the man and much less those that pleasure the woman.
I have been told directly by men and women that I must be bad in bed because I don't want to swallow semen, have it on my breasts and face.
I know a LOT of young women that put themselves at risk with men who won't wear condoms and feel they should not question these men.
The majority of women I know never receive oral sex and rarely receive any kind of foreplay.
I do think women are more objectified now and I think this contributes to this.

My boyfriend always makes sure to swallow all my menstruation during the obligatory lickjobs, it's very empowering for him

From the small amount of porn I have seen the women never swallow without it being shown the man has orgasmed over her in a visual way first.
I actually feel quite powerful giving my DH a bj and swallowing and it does turn me on but I know many for my friends either don't like giving bjs at all and most of them don't swallow.

I definitely wouldn't give one unless I wanted to though.

"women are told they are bad in bed if they don't do everything they can to please the guy sexually"

Honey, dodgy selfish men have been coming up with that line since time immerorial. In my day (old gimmer) it was telling the girl she was frigid if she didn't do what he said. Any man who comes out wioth that shite doesn't deserve five mionutes of any woman's time. However, that doesn't mean that you can't enjoy certain acts.
It's not about women's sexuality being secondary- any more than it's secondary to a man's pleasure to GIVE oral sex. Watching someone you fancy having fun can also be a turn on.

But Krumbum how do you know what women really want? You just can't.

Is there even that much of a prevalence? I've never been with anyone who expected it at all.

I should have been clearer,
I'm 23 and I'm talking more about the immense pressure that women my age and younger get from men that swallowing is expected and normal and women are told they are bad in bed if they don't do everything they can to please the guy sexually. I think it is majority young men who have seen a lot of porn and women who now think that's how they must behave. So few men willing to perform oral sex on a woman ( and women internalising this, a disproportionate amount conveniently 'not liking it') and give men only what they want sexually, women's sexuality being secondary. I am the only young woman I have ever spoken to that never fakes orgasms .

I never saw a porn movie until I was 32 (tru fact). But I know what I like and what I really want.

The other option isn't all over your face!
It would be completely different to say that about a woman, just having vagina in your mouth is the same as having penis in your mouth, not semen.
I think the prevalence for it is because of porn and not what the majority of women really want.

I quite like swallowing. As long as the man doesn't smoke- because then it tastes horrible. It's no more degrading than men who like the taste of women. imagine the flaming if a man said he thoughtb women tasted disgusting!

There is to much worrying about other people's sex lives across MN, which always leads to personal preferences being put down and those that enjoy certain act, deluded.

I think swallowing is the quickest and easiest way to end the process with the least amount of stress and mess to be honest, not a lot to do with degradation or control (DH couldn't care less what happens to it)

I would be much less pleased at getting it all over my face!

YANBU, though, it is creepy to think of your partner's sexual satisfaction as a chore/a job or somehow utterly dependent on you. If either of us wants a shag/some action and the other doesn't then we don't do it, and if the randy one is that desperate they do themselves. Which sometimes puts the other in the mood....

YANBU Op

I would not be able to give my partner a BJ if I wasn't aroused. If he's horny, he can wank himself off, surely.

Krumbum - one woman's degradation is another woman's fun. I personally feel more degraded by other women thinking I'm some sort of put-upon sad little victim than any amount of semen in my mouth. I don't do blow jobs that much, but I don't like this idea that just because some find it degrading so must everyone.

I think swallowing is also very degrading. I dont even get it in my mouth, take it out just before he jizzs. It doesn't matter where you are pointed when you come, it's the feeling of an orgasm that is good! I hate the pressure on women to take semen in their mouths and then swallow, it's about male control, depressing.

YANBU.

Why would you care what other people do or don't do? Bizarre and pointless...

YANBU. It is a rare occasion my DH gets a BJ from me as I don't like giving them at all TBH (small mouth makes me gag). I know he likes them so sometimes I will do them, it's usually when I'm wine fuelled and really horny. In the 17 years we've been together I can probably count on 1 hand the BJs he had from me. I never swallow either, urgh.

I guess the words originated in prostitution? Sex acts shouldn't be "jobs", yet we call them so.

By the way, interesting how these male-related sex acts are called "-jobs"
I have never heard of cunnilingus being called a "lickjob"

YANBU - a bj is sex, so if you don't feel like sex of one kind then you won't be likely to feel like sex of any other.