To not give bj to dh when I don't feel like sex?

Krumbum, if you don't want to answer my q, that's fine but I'm genuinely interested because I don't really know what people mean by degrading.

If a woman swallows semen, not because she's pressured but because she wants to AND she doesn't feel degraded by it, is it still degrading?

For me, it's can be quite an intimate thing to do.

Obviously it CAN be degrading. Not disputing that at all. But most everything is degrading if you're pressured into it.

Krumbum...

Sure, that's how you feel. But you're not a man are you?

Don't try to link a discussion on the physical sensation with women being sexual toys for men, i don't think women are sexual toys either and my position does not imply that. It is clear that you have some issues with men, it is easy to see why you are so negative about this issue.

Totally agree Local

Nelly, I think you've extrapolated what I've said into something completely different. If you want to do anything for your partner (not necessarily because you're ready for sex, but perhaps because you like him!) then you want to do it. Totally different to men who try to push themselves on their wives in the circumstances of marriage breakdown, for example. I know of this happening to women and them thinking it'd be easier to get it over than fight him off.

No word missing. "Think of you" in this context means "consider your needs". If you think it's easier to just let him get on with it and look away when you are totally not in the mood, it dehumanises you and, should you be happily in bed together at another point, that dehumanisation means there's no reason why your needs or desires should be considered.

It's hard to explain this without giving extreme examples. I think if a generally happy couple has a number of instances where the man gets to have sex without the woman's active interest and participation, the relationship is on a steep decline.

What literally as your coming? No, I think the feeling of orgasm takes over. I've had an orgasm and the stimulation becomes irrelevant because your body just starts to do it.
I don't think women are just sexual toys for men.

I can easily imagine how a tongue and lips feels better than fingers though, can't you? They just have a different texture. Plus the mouth is warm and wet. Likewise i'm sure for a better it feels physically better to climax during penetration than it does by masterbation.

Why do you doubt men so much?

(No doubt there is a psychological component to various sex acts too, but different sex acts do have different sensations).

Cogpsych, I dispute that it feels better physically, I think it is mental thing. If your still masterbating them then the stimulation doesn't stop.
To end a relationship over something so tiny would mean you have no real interest in that relationship anyway.
Some women squirt, it's not expected that men take this fluid in their mouths and swallow it. I think the expectation that women must love jizz all over them is from porn and the intent is to degrade even if that isn't how the woman takes it.

I remember my friend used to call the week of her period 'bj week' made me to think she should be getting some tlc instead of servicing her fella.

YANBU

I love giving blowjobs but only when I'm in the mood, which isn't that often, when I'm not in the mood it hurts my jaw. Probably in the same way that having sex would hurt my fanny if I was not in the mood.

I am too old to 'fake it' or give sexual favours.

Someone leaves you because you won't give 'em a blowjob?? the words "Good " and "Riddance" spring to mind CogSych ........

Lots of men think it feels better (physically) to climax whilst still inside the mouth, i don't think many of them would say that all orgasms are equal. I've heard men complain that their other halves have started to stop the BJ just as they climax and say it's lessened the experience for them.

Every woman has the right to do what they want to do sexually, but every man has a right to leave you for someone who will do it, too. There's give and take. I'm sure many of us would have ended a relationship if it didn't meet our sexual needs, and if the relationship is important to you then sometimes compromise is necessary.

OP, were you ever actually interested in a discussion? No problems if not, just a little confused as to why you posted in a discussion thread.

Sexual vending machine and negative reinforcement are pretty strong terms to use. So all of the posters on here who have said that they give their DPs bjs, without having sex, as part of their general sex life are nothing more than vending machines? Are we all automatically in sexually abusive relationships, merrily ignoring the red flags or something?

local, I'm not sure I understand your last sentence - is there a word missing, or are you saying that giving your DP bjs means he is not going to be thinking/fantasising about you when you are in bed together?

I read that most women don't particularly like giving head. My aunt who was an ardent sixties women's libber said she can't believe after so many years of feminism,girls are now expected to do things men used to have to pay for!

I can't help thinking that going along with such a demand from a H when you're not in the mood would be negative reinforcement in a way - he doesn't have to get you in the mood, you're just a marriage-bought sexual vending machine. He wouldn't be more inclined to think of you when you're in bed together another time.

I told my P that when he is willing to do the same for me I will gladly return the favor, that shut him up

"How many here have a guy who will happily give them a hand/lickjob and then just go to sleep, no getting an orgasm himself"

I don't like oral sex, but he will accomodate me, in other ways, usually when we've had a night out and he has had to much to drink.

The situation hasn't ever occured without drink, except for after sex when i still want to carry on having orgasms, i demand a least a few.

Rightbugger - I can and do take DP up on an offer like that!

Apologies if I read your post wrong, that was just an impression I was left with. What I was trying to get at was that just because you and your OH are not comfortable with this scenario doesn't mean that it is completely degrading for anyone who does. As you say, "it's never nice or ok to involve someone in sex unless they feel like being involved" - but lots of women 'feel like being involved' via giving their OH some form of sexual pleasure even when they don't want to receive similar pleasure themselves at that particular moment in time.

I'm with yellow: what is and isn't "degrading" for an individual varies completely for each couple.

OP of course YANBU declining to perform any kind of sex act if you don't feel like it. But it does shock me that I know women who 'have to' do this. One in particular is married to a total cock who used to insist that he got a BJ if she wanted to go out with the girls for the night :( To me it was totally abusive but she (intelligent, educated, professional) never seemed to see it that way

Krumbum I do think it's an interesting point you raise about changing expectations because of a generation of guys with porn on tap. I'm mid-thirties but for a teen guy to get porn he still had to buy it from the top shelf when I was at school. Read a very interesting news article a while back about clinical psychologists seeing more and more young guys (early twenties) who are having real problems with relationships and sex because they are too familiar with porn images and have no concept of what 'real' women and 'real' sex are like. They expect every woman to have pneumatic, baseball shaped bosoms, no pubes and streams of 'cum' trickling down them It would be funny if it wasn't so sad - it was destroying their ability to have real relationships. A lot of them found they only got aroused by porn.

Cardgames my dh does this.

Cards, my man does. He calls it edging himself.

And that's enough discussion about my sex life from me for one day. I'm off to cook a roast for my gang.

How many here have a guy who will happily give them a hand/lickjob and then just go to sleep, no getting an orgasm himself?

Damsel I'm sure that's on the list of things never to google