To not give bj to dh when I don't feel like sex?

I don't think anyone will read this when there is sex chat, chat roulette, porn etc.
I don't think anyone has over shared. What is wrong with talking about sex? It's part of most peoples lives so why should it be taboo? Shame around sex Makes it harder for people who are assaulted, people who want abortions, obtaining contraception.

I don't see it makes a difference, AF. Any site full of women will be a perv-magnet. If someone wants to tug their tiny dick to anything I've written, they can go for it. It's no skin off my nose.

Considering the wealth of filth out there, I'd be surprised if anyone could be arsed wanking off to the stuff here.

People can talk about what they want. Some people like chatting about sex. Others find it too much. Both are fine, but I don't see why people should not talk about stuff just in case it over-excites a man somewhere.

I can hear the sound of tugging from here

Does the sex chat have to be so graphic, people ?

No wonder we have a problem with dodgy twats coming to this site telling us how they "play" online, telling women how they feel about sex and having a high ole time questioning consent etc.

FGS, the oversharing on this site is cringe-making

Go on, call me a prude and flame me, tell me to not click on the thread. The thing is, lots of people you really wouldn't want to are clicking on the thread < sigh >

Can't we at least try not to make Mumsnet such a magnet for the pervs ?

Also regarding pornography, sure there is a worrying trend of 'choking/gagging' BJ's which are surely about domination, but i don't think most men see normal porn as being about domination.

I think men like the thought of a woman swallowing semen because it as portrayed as though the woman wants and desires the man so much... it's a needy thing. The camera is rarely on the man's face or body, if anything a masculinist (is that the right word? the male-concerned version of a feminist) could argue that the man is dehumanised because all he is in porn is a dick. Meanwhile, men seem to dig porn where the woman looks like she's enjoying sucking dick because vicariously they empathise with the feeling of being wanted physically. Any sort of spitting out of semen, of dodging semen like it's acid, is a form of rejection i suppose and thus less appealing. So IMO, that's the psychological element of it, and i don't think it's as negative as feminists would have you believe. This is how it is with DH, he openly admits he prefers to climax in my mouth because of the physical sensation (just like he prefers to climax a HJ with lube rather than without), but i can tell when i swallow and he can see that i love pleasuring him, it really has a positive psychological impact too, he feels sexy and wanted.

Of course, i believe there's a physical element too.

As such, i think feminists should focus their efforts more on the increasingly common rape-porn, gagging/choking/'throat-f**king' porn, and the clearly more violent kinds that are emerging. But porn that's fairly normal and where the woman isn't doing anything too painful and at least looks to be enjoying herself can be nice.

DH and i watch some sometimes, he's not fussed (so he says! haha!) but it really gets me going. I choose stuff that is non-violent and where the woman often works only with her DP/DH.

.......

pearl necklace?

I agree with you completely. I use bj's as a bartering tool (in a funny sense, DF doesn't do favours just for bj's). He's cooking dinner, I cleaned and we reciprocate oral tonight ;)

Yes, clawdy, it's hardly unusual is it.

Although I'd advise you to stay away from a video called 2 girls 1 cup

Am I the only one amazed that someone can actually swallow someone else's body fluids without puking....

I'm old fashioned, and require the purchase of jewellery or flowers before 'servicing' my husband.

Only joking.

I'll also do it on birthdays and anniversaries.

It really depends, some women may enjoy bjs and do it to get out of a more physically involved act.
I don't like them, so only do them when reeeeeealy loved up, and after partner made me happy.

Let's just say that ex got very very few.

Krumbum, so those of us who partake in certain sexual acts (non-reciprocal blowjobs, swallowing semen, allowing a man to come on our face etc) don't understand feminism or care about women? Are all non-penitrative sexual acts which are common in pornography degrading?

I'm just slightly confused by some of the arguments on here. Anyone being coerced into doing something sexually they are not comfortable with is definitely degrading; but how is someone doing something sexually that others may deem beyond their personal level of comfort automatically degrading?

I agree with the OP. If I didn't feel like sex, I certainly wouldn't feel like oral sex!

Also remember when I was at college, girls saying "No, we didn't have sex, I just gave him a blow job."

JUST? While I've had a few one night stands, to me oral sex was always more "serious" than intercourse, so it is only something I would do in the context of a proper relationship.

No schrodingersmew I don't hate men. I care about women. And understand feminism, socialisation and psychology.

It's a personal choice to swallow or not. I agree with yellow - anything which is expected/any kind of pressure is degrading. Making a free choice when you absolutely know it will make no difference which one you do is different. If you were swallowing because your DH looked all pained and upset if you didn't or because he kept going on about how much better he'd find it if you did etc, that would be degrading. As would swallowing because you thought it was what you were supposed to do. But doing it because you prefer it and you know it wouldn't make the slightest bit of difference to him is different.

I don't think Krumbum is coming across as manhating at all!

Krumbum You really have something against men don't you?

I love giving bjs to my DP, he doesn't bother at all and in fact has a pretty low sex drive but when we do do it I also swallow. So am I being degraded? Even though I enjoy this much more than he? He also never pushes for sex, accepts no means no, never pushes my head down and spends much more time by choice on me than I do him.

I've already had to listen to you call me degraded for shaving my bits, I think you should get over yourself and realise that everyone has different preferences and just because it's not what you like doesn't mean we're all brainwashed sex slaves.

I don't mind bjs if he's just washed. I will not bj a willy with a days worth of dried sweat and piss on it, same as DH wouldn't want to reciprocate if I was the same. Not a massive fan of swallowing personally, but my DH is a smoker. Previous non smokers have been fine.

I don't do anything if I'm not in the mood. That's not how it works in my mind.

No I wouldn't. if I'm not in the mood for sex I'm not in the mood for sex. A bj is sex, quite intimate sex. He can sort himself out.

Local, that makes sense now. And I do get your point about women feeling forced in to giving sexual favours, I'm not ever going to argue that that is abusive.

But, really, to say that a generally happy couple has a number of instances where the man gets to have sex without the woman's active interest and participation, the relationship is on a steep decline? I am part of a 'generally happy couple'. We've been together over a decade. I have given my partner bjs without receiving anything in return (at that moment in time) since we first got together. We still have a very good sex life and, if anything, I am the one making more sexual requests in the bedroom which my DP is happy to 'service'.

I know I'm going on about this, and bushy I think my point was that you only responded to posts that agreed with you (though I think everyone agrees that no woman should ever have to give sexual favours of any sort when not in the mood). But there are women in this thread who are saying 'yep, I give my DP bjs are part of our overall sexual relationship' - and I'll admit I am feeling very defensive when other posters come back and say that I'm just servicing my partner, my relationship is on a steep incline, he just views me as sexual object, that I or other posters are willingly degraded etc.

Theinets, Going down on someone is the same as sucking a penis. Taking come in your mouth is a different matter entirely, it equates to drinking the liquid that some women squirt when they come

BJ happens on high days and holidays and sometimes his birthday if I've drunk enough only here!!

I don't feel any need to "service" my DH, nor him me I hope!!

I am sure many women enjoy being licked out by their partners when the man doesn't like it particularly. Sometimes you have to give and take.

"ANYTHING that is expected sexually is degrading."

I think that's the best summary of it.

Krumbum, I feel really bad for your friends. That's horrible.

Maybe I'm just of a slightly older generation, maybe your friends are unlucky in the men they meet or my friends are particularly lucky. Maybe it's something that happens more in your early 20s, because thinking about it, a lot of my friends did have shit sexual experiences then.

That definitely doesn't mean it's ok, obviously.

ANYTHING that is expected sexually is degrading. It's a really horrible thought.

I have no issues with men, I have only been with my one very giving, very feminist bf, who has the upmost respect for everyone.
I'm disputing that the physical feeling exists, saying it is mental and that this want to be like a porn star is not something any woman should have to deal with..

Yellow, I don't think that it is always degrading but it is hard to know when so many young men feel it is their right whether the woman wants it or not. It is this expectation that is degrading.
Ime every single woman I have met obviously feels it is what they 'should' do and that acting like a pornstar is what men want and what they should provide. I realise this is only from my limited experience but I think many young women feel like that. Friends are shocked that my bf doesn't push my head down, always want penetrative sex, refuse to use a condom.