To not give bj to dh when I don't feel like sex?

If you don’t feel in the mood to do something for your partner, don’t! The same applies the other way around. If you want a massage or something and he’s not in the mood, end of conversation.

Nvm zombie thread.

Purely by accident - think I spend too much time on Mumsnet 😂

You think the OP is still here, twelve years on?

How did you even find this thread?!

"it's about male control, depressing"

Sounds like you went through some kind of abuse, I'm sorry to hear what happened to you. But to think it's male control or degrading is ridiculous. Most women on here would disagree with you, it's optional and something they choose to do.

Although, you're entitled to your opinion, it's yours alone.

I often pleasure dp without wanting anything in return. It is always offered not requested. I enjoy being able to pleasure him.

If however I wasn't in the mood to do that for him I wouldn't and he wouldn't expect it. So no op yanbu.

PS: What's with the passive aggressive post anyway?

Agree with Anyfucker [goes and sits next to her, adjusts twin-set, takes out some knitting]

Though it does appear like censorship is being ask for?

Thanks for preempting me AF. I do apologise if I misread your post

But what level of detail is acceptable?

There's not a set level as far as I'm concerned. People are more than entitled to decide for themselves how much detail they want to go into.

DITD, you are misrepresenting what I said for some reason

I didn't say "don't talk about it"

do a search on my name, you will see I have both a SOH and the ability to debate issues around sex

it's the detail that is bothering me, but I already said that and you have twisted my words so I don't expect you to acknowledge that now

Ormiriathominus, wouldn't it be great if we could be so open and without shame that when looking for a partner these things could be discussed beforehand, without embarrassment.

Imagine a dating site ad that read: Loving, caring and kind with a low libido seeks...

I also believe there a plenty men out there with low libidos who feel pressurised into portraying the macho male role and are unsuited and it creates problems for them.

Sex is an integral part of our make up. But it must not be discussed. I don't get that.

Damsel - I totally agree with you in the sense that sex should not be taboo. As someone who can honestly take it or leave it I would love sex to be normal, ordinary, like eating a meal, holding hands, not the cause of so much angst and worry. THen we could stop making such a fuss and just get on with it, or not, as we wish. As someone with a lowish sex drive I would also like to stop feeling like a freak.

I believe it is empowering for women to have the platform to speak to other woman about sex. For far too long men have enjoyed and women have endured, which is why we have this fucked up view of sex in the first place. If a boy enjoys sex he's a stud. If a girl does she's a slut.

Enough! It's time to take back what is ours! I'm no shrinking violet. Why should I pretend? Why should I put up. I prefer to put out!

I do think MN tends to self regulate anyway. There was a poster who started a totally gratuitous sex thread on relationships the other day, and was given short shrift. I think usually you can tell the difference between trucker-fodder and a genuine question/debate.

I'm fairly shy at talking about this kind of stuff in RL, and don't always want to give friends TMI and give them nightmares, so I appreciate being able to chat on here openly and fairly anonymously, should I wish to.

Point and laugh if you want. It's the Victorian attitude I can't abide

I don't see how discussing stuff in detail = not having self respect.

People discuss all sorts of things in enormous detail on here, from baby names to clothes to jobs to the massive boil on their partner's neck.

Why should it be different for sex? I think it's great that women are able to talk about it. It's by talking about it that we can figure stuff out. If we never did, if we didn't talk about coming on faces and in mouths and BJs and so on, Krumbum would never have been able to tell her friends that it is NOT ok for their boyfriends to pressure them. Maybe they will think about that and change their minds on stuff. I hope so.

No. Giving oral sex is not passive (and it gives me jaw ache more often than not) so no way am I going to do that if I am not in the mood.

I see it's got a bit heated though

And agreeing to tone down the graphic details on a parenting website doesn't seem unreasonable to me.

Like somebody said, there are places where you can glory in the health properties of jizz on the face, where people won't point and laugh at you.

I've done my share of sex chat, DITD.

It's the detail that is completely un necessary. It reminds me of teenagerdom...who can brag the most and be the most graphic.

It brings to mind the old cliche...those who shout the loudest... (look the most immature)

I agree. Let's keep sex shameful. Make it a taboo. That's the best way to grow perves in society, isn't it?

I've had my say and didn't expect it to be a popular view. I think some of you need to grow up though, and find a bit of self-respect < shrug >

Agree with yellow.

I like the fact that MN is a relatively safe forum for ordinary(!) women to discuss this kind of topic, and don't think anything should be off limits as long as it's not promoting/condoning anything illegal or likely to cause harm to anyone. It's like being in the pub with friends after a few glasses of wine.

The thread title should be enough to put off those of a nervous disposition, and I think it's a fairly safe assumption to make that most of the users of Mumsnet have had sex themselves at some point so surely nobody's going to be too offended.

There are millions of proper perv sites out there, and 50 shades topping the bestseller list in bookshops. I can't imagine MN would be an obvious choice over that lot.

Cogpsych
A culture that sees women as sexual objects is what leads to violent porn and sexual abuse.
I don't think looking at the way it affects women in everyday is not focusing on 'what is important' because it all contributes to the idea that women are toys for men. You can't just look at rape on its own, it is caused by our rape culture. If you don't look at that you won't get anywhere.