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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think all men are basically pervs?

390 replies

mrsluvvaluvva · 01/03/2012 13:49

Hi there

Felt compelled to ask this as just lately I have really been seeing men in a different light when in social settings. Perhaps I am just getting old and grumpy or reading something that isn't there.

I have been to a few parties recently and have been really conscious of men eyeing up very young almost tartily dressed teenagers. These girls were dressed very glamorously but waay too old for their age. I saw a couple of girls probably aged 16/17 and a couple over 18's, but not by much.

What I found worrying was middle aged men blatently eyeing them up and more worrying men in my group of friends/family. Men old enough to be their dad's. Not necessarily gawping but craftily staring when they could. Now I'm talking not just about a pretty girl but proper tarted up, hot pants the lot.

It made me feel quite sick to see middle aged men perving like this, so am I being unreasonable here to think even nice guys are secret pervs and although they may not be happy with their daughters dressed up like that, they will happily ogle others?

OP posts:
ClothesOfSand · 01/03/2012 15:33

Right, I'm going to collect my forgotten belongings from the bank. You are all creepy and weird.

Original poster
mrsluvvaluvva · 01/03/2012 15:32

These weren't family events btw.

OP posts:
ClothesOfSand · 01/03/2012 15:31

I find it very difficult to believe that my female friends are all secretly looking at my teenage son and have simply become skilled in hiding the fact. I am going to continue to believe that most adults don't look at teenagers of school age in a sexual way.

Original poster
mrsluvvaluvva · 01/03/2012 15:30

At the one particular party I was at men were standing at the edge of dancefloor watching girl gyrate! Not sitting down miles away occasionally glancing.

A lot of them looked mesmerised. Now I know you can't stop people from looking from lOokinneither can you read minds. I'd be amazed though, if a fair number of the men weren't looking in a sexual way.

OP posts:
TheresaMayHaveaBiscuit · 01/03/2012 15:29

Hully that's terrible! Shock Etiquette says one should wear a silver lycra bikini to weddings and then do a lap dance for the vicar

ClothesOfSand · 01/03/2012 15:29

There is a big difference between looking at a PhD student who must be at least 22 and looking at a 16 year old, particularly if you are looking at that 16 year old at a family event.

Original poster
mrsluvvaluvva · 01/03/2012 15:27

Thank you mumsy. I was beginning to think I was the only one...

OP posts:
Mumsyblouse · 01/03/2012 15:25

But I disagree that all or most men are pervs, most are not like this. There's a skill in noticing an attractive young person without making them feel like you are perving at them, and most people are polite enough to deploy it.

Mumsyblouse · 01/03/2012 15:22

YANBU, I work at a university and lots of the middle-aged and older married men stare at the young girls with their short skirts. Some have affairs with them, many don't however. But the general air of perving at even slightly older females who are attractive is quite overpowering at times. We are not in a night-club and whilst it's ok to notice an attractive young person (as in briefly notice them), it's not ok to stand there mentally undressing them. I have seen some of the senior male professors sitting there staring at the younger PhD females' bodies in meetings, they don't bother to hide it.

And yes, it is worrying, these men have power over these women, both in terms of whether they get their degrees/PhDs and whether they sleep with them. I find it deeply distateful, and if I saw my husband doing any more than casually noticing once a lovely young woman dressed in hotpants, I'd kick his leg. Perving diminshes the young girl being watched in a way that the odd admiring glance does not.

Hullygully · 01/03/2012 15:20

At weddings, I like to rub myself all over with cake so the granddads can feel a little twitch in the old trouser snake.

sardine, anyone?

Hullygully · 01/03/2012 15:18

I am 15 and I love to wear really really tight hot tarty pants and a low cut top with thrust-up brassiere and do really really sexy dancing at family parties where old men are there.

All better now?

ClothesOfSand · 01/03/2012 15:15

I don't know how many adult men or women eye up 16 year olds, OP, but I hope it isn't many.

Original poster
mrsluvvaluvva · 01/03/2012 15:14

So if any of you were in a social setting and you dh's and friends looked or commented on a very tartily dressed teenager in a way that suggested that they thought she was attractive, none of you would be offended.

Even if these men had daughters of the same age. That these men weren't ogling attractive women, just one teenage girl. No one would think this wascreepy in 40 and 50 year old men?

OP posts:
ScarletAvenger · 01/03/2012 15:12

Honeydragon, given the comments that come out of my DH's mouth I would second that opinion too.

To prove the point. They have an ongoing office war at his work. His department are considering complaining about inappropriate attire of a certain female colleague...

Synyster · 01/03/2012 15:07

yabu and very sexist

YankNCock · 01/03/2012 15:07

carmen, have you watched 'Snog Marry Avoid'?

I don't have to believe what DH tells me he finds attractive, I can watch where his eyes go, it's that easy.

Pendeen · 01/03/2012 15:06

"All" includes "young".

Trills · 01/03/2012 15:06

YABU

Original poster
mrsluvvaluvva · 01/03/2012 15:04

Pendeen, I am not talking about looking at all women.

Specificially young women, girls really. Totally different, I think

OP posts:
Pendeen · 01/03/2012 15:01

OP, because your definition of 'perve' seems to be any man who looks at all breasts anf female bottoms, then I say "YANBU".

In truth they all do it and any man who primly tries to claim he doesn't is a liar.

But it's the ones who - for example - catch a sneaky feel of my bottom in a crowded shop (Sunday in St Ives) or shout from a white van their lusty appreciation of my chest (yesterday afternoon in St Just) who I would call 'perves'

carmenelectra · 01/03/2012 14:54

yankNcock

See, I don't buy this. That men just look at naturally attractive women.

They just pretend that they don't fancy tartily dressed or page 3 types cos they know it will offend their DW. It's ok to admit that you fancy Kiera Knightly or similar, but not a woman out of Nuts.

Not all men of course, but I bet a lot.

YankNCock · 01/03/2012 14:49

Honeydragon, my DH also has a rather large pair of judgypants! Grin

He doesn't like the 'tarted up', skanky clothes, fake tan, hair extensions. Which is not to say he doesn't occasionally look at a (naturally) attractive woman.

Original poster
mrsluvvaluvva · 01/03/2012 14:48

Strandedbear,

At one party the one girl was 16. A friend knew her mother. At this particular do some of themen were laughing and commenting at her on the dance floor, until another said 'lay off, you know how old she is'.

OP posts:
carmenelectra · 01/03/2012 14:44

I agree, I too, would be more worried if my dp didnt look.

It's those men who pretend that dont fancy a stunning girl that are the sneaks.

My dp is a decent bloke and would openly admit that a woman has a nice arse etc, but i still wonder how much he actually lets on to me and as much as he tells me he thinks I'm lovely I am not entirely convinced. I am sure he doesn't really find me as as attractive as a 20 year old woman Hmm.

Honeydragon · 01/03/2012 14:42

oh hang on this just in.....

dh has just phoned and I mentioned the op's exact scenario to dh

he laughed and said no way were the oggling, they were judging and probably bitched about the state of them later

I responded Hmm

he has somewhat primly informed me that Judgypants are not soley restricted to the ladies

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