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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not to be able to forgive my Sister In-Law

58 replies

nixie002 · 28/02/2012 08:08

After more than 3 years of battling infertility, I am now delighted to be pregnant with my first child.

I don't think the nightmares of what we dealt with will ever really leave us, but it just makes us appreciate what we have even more, so that's okay.

There's just one thing I can't seem to move on from, and I don't know why...

Recently, I had the last in a series of operations aimed at saving my fertility and relieving the pain that I was in. This was the biggy - really high risk in terms of possible complications and I could have lost both ovaries. As you can imagine, this was a really difficult time for us, and very emotional, so to this day I still can't understand why my SIL chose to announce her pregnancy the day before I went into hospital. It felt so malicious and like she was trying to rub it in our faces.

If I think logically, I know she wouldn't have done it on purpose. She probably just didn't realise that was the day, so I'm sure I'm being unreasonable, but I feel she should have been more sensitive. If she didn't know about our op, she certainly knew we were dealing with infertility and if she'd only asked a parent perhaps, she would have known that we needed a couple of days to get through that before her announcement. Then we could have celebrated with her - rather than feeling punched in the stomach!

I want to move on, because I've always loved my SIL and always tried really hard to be closer to her. But right now, I just feel uncomfortable around her, and quite sad really.

OP posts:
firsttime002 · 28/02/2012 08:17

Makes sense - sometimes I think you need someone to tell you to get a grip, and she's a really nice person. Not nasty at all.

I guess I felt that a couple of days either side of our op would have meant we could chat to her about it and share in the good news, but when you deal with these things I think it makes you hyper-sensitive to them and sometimes you lose the plot.

Think that's probably what's happened to me. :)

imnotmymum · 28/02/2012 08:14

guess she was just excited I made the mistake on my first pregnancy of telling Mum first and friend then hubby oooh not good but they were there in the flesh !! enjoy your pregnancy and your kids playing together and relax well done

hermionestranger · 28/02/2012 08:14

YABU and you aren't being U at the same time.

When we were struggling to conceive ds1 every time someone close announced their pregnancy I took it as a personal insult. It was all the hormones making me feel crazy and out of step with the res of the world.

Your SIL would have been so wrapped up in her in world that she has forgotten about others and that's ok, you are in your world and doing the same thing. That's also ok.

I doubt she announced it to be malicious he simply wasn't thinking but you need to put it behind you and move on, your children will be cousins and you want then to grow up together and make lots of memories together I'm sure.

Huge congratulations to you and your dp.

takingiteasy · 28/02/2012 08:13

Sorry I think you are BU. The whole world can't stop reproducing and being happy about it just because you're having issues.

Did or does she realise the extent of your problems?

JamRagRolyPoly · 28/02/2012 08:13

Yanbu. She could have waited. Seems very insensitive IMO.

Try not to let this consume you too much. Concentrate on you and your baby.

Congratulations!! Smile

Tee2072 · 28/02/2012 08:13

I have to say, I also think you are being a bit unreasonable. If your SIL is like most people, she waited for the first scan to tell people. And, if she is like most people, as soon as that scan was done, she was on the phone telling people she was pregnant.

People are selfish. I doubt she was thinking about you at all. Just about her news.

Gigondas · 28/02/2012 08:11

Yabu - I am very sorry for all you have been through and congrats on your pregnancy but I do think yabu to think your sil would hold off on her news.

Would there ever have been a good time to tell you? You would probably still have felt wiped out by it it had told you post op. I am afraid one of hardest things about fertility issues is handling the unfairness of it esp when hear others good news.

Blx2thelotofem · 28/02/2012 08:10

As much as I love a SIL-bashing thread, I think you are being a tad unreasonable. What do you expect her to do, just not tell anyone until the baby was born?

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