Bored by full-time motherhood

what branch of health do you want to specialise in?
have you done any placements

Thank You :)
Luck I need
Have always prided myself on being a brilliant student. I am somewhat lacking in that department also since being SAHM. One of the things that grates the most is the sheer frustration of never doing one thing then moving on to another before I am needed elsewhere. Poor nails haven't seen a file in a week and a half! Never mind the essay I'm supposed to be writing!
(Bad MN, bad!)

[loves mn emoticon]

The assumption that sahms do endless coffee mornings and raffles is a huge generalisation.

I read Russian Literature. I have written 20,000 words of a book and have entered a short story into a highly regarded competition. I did a creative writing course. I take an interest in child development and find it fascinating and implement some of what I learn in my parenting.

Miggsie you may see childcare as 'boring shite' and akin to slavery, you may not be able to 'regress' into a pre-schoolers brain, that is fair enough. But you have admitted with your assertions that it takes certain types to be able to do those things you admit you cannot. However labelling it as boring and generalising about what sahms do is demeaning that role. Is that because on some level you are disappointed you cannot do it?

Children are fascinating. We were all one once. It takes great skill, patience, creativity and endurance to nurture a child and aid their development. To understand how their brain works and how they think is a marvellous gift and actually quite fascinating.

I admit I couldn't be a good business woman. I don't have the skills or the personality. However I do not undermine business women because I couldn't do it. I admire and applaud it and good business women are needed in the world. Don't patronise women who are good at child caring whether they be the child's mother or a paid childminder. Someone's got to do it and thank god there are women who can do it well

good luck with your future studies.health is a v rewarding career

scottishmummy I was bang in your corner until the 'not a job' comment.

See, the only confidence ( of which I have litle of any more) that I am taking from this whole position that I find myself in is that it is a job.

See, I would argue that, because I work my ass off.

Do I get a lunch break? Nope.
Annual leave? Nope.
Sick Pay? Nope.
Yep, that's 24/7, a whole year, no matter where I am, no matter what I am doing in my life.

If I was at work I would get a respected amount of time to eat, dammit, even get to pee alone. At home with 2 under 3, no!
That's night shift and day shift.

I'm arguing that those at work are sticking to work rules for the time they are at work. That means structured time. With travel to and fro - which allows time for free thought.

Work allows time to talk to other adults about adult things. Popping to the shops on your way home? That's time alone in which you are being an adult. Two 'labels', yes, tough. Yes, hard to juggle. But it gives an extra dimension and helps you be someone else and fulfill potential and be something else for a few hours. And that is lucky.

Yes, some do make it a 'lifestyle choice' but a lot of people do not. And they are 'lucky' in some respects, yes. I count my blessings every day that I get to watch my 2 grow up and change every day. But for those times that I feel like I want to throw myself down the stairs because other women think I have an easy ride, the days that I want to run away because I'm so on edge, the days where I feel like my whole future has been ruined because I have no way out ( and by golly, it really does feel like that), I feel very unlucky. It's kind of like being on an infinite shift. The days where dh says to me 'go down town for the morning' or my FIL takes the boys for a couple of hours until dh gets home to take over are the only times I can actually switch off, and they are very rare.

People assume you are happy.
People assume it's your only role and you love it.
People assume you made this choice.
And for a lot it is. And for a lot, it's not the case.

It is a job, unlike any other. Yes, being 'parent' is an infinite job, whether you work or not, but for those of us who have made the 'choice', or not in a lot of cases, to stay at home with the children there is little consideration for what this actually means.

By small coincidence I am doing a course on Health Care.

We are currently studying Labonte's model of health. The modes of health and well-being are defined by: enjoying social relationships (fine if you have them - hard to get sometimes. Iknow I feel more cut off from childless friends and find it hard to meet new people now I have small children), feeling control over life/living conditions (hard to feel if you are not earning therefore not having control over what is happening in your life), ability to do things one enjoys (not always possible due to financial constraints/having little ones), and vitality/energy (again !)

Xenia, I never said you couldn't do all those things. I know plenty of mums who work full time including my sister, who is a brilliant mum. It just doesn't work for me, for a variety of reasons.

I said not necessarily at the same time, because I don't see why it has to be such a cut and dried choice. I want to stay at home with my kids when they are little. I also want to have a fulfilling career once they are a bit older. Nothing wrong with that.

Unlike you though, I don't make the assumption that what works for me will work for everyone. It's not the best choice, just my choice.

Xenia, I never said you couldn't do all those things. I know plenty of mums who work full time including my sister, who is a brilliant mum. It just doesn't work for me, for a variety of reasons.

I said not necessarily at the same time, because I don't see why it has to be such a cut and dried choice. I want to stay at home with my kids when they are little. I also want to have a fulfilling career once they are a bit older. Nothing wrong with that.

Unlike you though, I don't make the assumption that what works for me will work for everyone. It's not the best choice, just my choice.

Maybe the best choice for you Xenia. I don't need to work financially and I don't feel that the break would make me a better mother. I would be miserable at work.

We can have it all but not at the same time is one of the worst and most damaging statements that sexists put out and which is very bad for women. Many many women including many on this thread are as able as someone with a penis to work and have a loving family life.

You can work and have children and really enjoy life and indeed benefit your children more than being at home. You can have all that at the same time and it's the best choice.

Well I've seen people bringing arguments from other threads over so some people do scottishmummy.

hell no one on mn takes heed of names.i dont recall who said what

I don't know who anyone is in RL but you recognise the names of the people who post regularly. I like that I can post on a thread and debate without people remembering that they agreed/disagreed with me on a thread last week or whatever.

i don't know who anyone is on here...like the ott secrecy though
thought this was supposed to be a website used by millions

I'm focussing on it because I don't like people trying to undermine what I do.

northernrock - don't worry I tend to namechange after a few days. I like the fact I've been on here for ages and no-one knows who I am.

why the focus on whether or not sahmumming is a job?
some will consider it to be, some won't. Some will be Anthea Turner at it, some won't.
As long as you have a choice and do something that you are happy with that suits your circumstances it's grand. It doesn't mean that working outside the home is better or staying at home is better.

To say that it isn't a job because you don't have a boss or standards to be adhered to is risible imo. A job can be simply a series of tasks that need to be completed daily or weekly imo and that clearly falls into the remit of sahm. Ditto giving undue weight to the lack of paycheque. Many of the tasks carried out by sahm would otherwise be farmed out to another who is paid for them. Sometimes it's just a money shuffle. I know that sounds a bit Dave Cameron but each household should manage their finances to suit themselves.

We seriously considered my h being a sahd as at the time we were losing more money with both of us being in work and having the children in childcare than had one of us stayed at home. We decided that, for he and his career, it was important to bite the bullet and carry on with the slog. It paid off for us both.
I'm glad to have the money and time to be able to retrain now

We are happy with our choices but that may be because they really were choices.

If you are bored, do something. I love being at home with DD but could not do it without anything else to do. I work part time to have some marvellous me time when i know dd is safe and i can do what i please. I used to be a nightclub manager so being a sahm is VERY different. I work part time to hold on to a bit of my prebaby life so that when i am in mum mode i am completely happy being there and devoting my time soley to her without resenting a moment. Think about what you miss doing and find a way to do it. Kids need happy stimulated mums to set them a good example.

mn is awash with everyones opinion on everything

and when one concur it a good observation,when one disagree its a generalisation

I agree with wowwowetc but must insist she changes her silly name forthwith

Xenia, yet again your generalisations are really starting to bug me. How do you know that 'most' SAHMs regret it? Have you done a survey? How many SAHMs do you actually know?

As several posters have very eloquently put it, life has nuance and it is not so black and white. Many mothers work part time, many have a few years as a SAHM and then go back to work or retrain. It is not as sinple as you make out.

I heard a really good quote once (maybe on mumsnet?) along the lines of "we can have it all, just not necessarily all at the same time" - it sums things up for me at the moment as pre-kids I had a career I enjoyed, now I'm having a few years of being a SAHM, then in a couple of years I hope to re-train and then have 30-odd years of working in a new career.

Being a SAHM is a job! Of course mums who work also bring up their kids but the time they are at work someone else is looking after them - often someone who is doing it as a paid job unless you're lucky enough to get free childcare from relatives.
Also I can't understand the argument that people like to work because they get bored with playdates and child-centred conversation because a) there is no reason why that's all you have to do if you don't work and b) people with kids who I worked with before I had children used to bore the pants off me talking about their kids as much as any mums at toddler group.
My kids will both be at school by the time I'm 30 and I will have the rest of my life to work. I want to enjoy them and spend time with them while they're small and I think it is of benefit to them. If others want to work for their own reasons then that is their choice but I don't see why mothers who work have to so often put SAHM's down saying that they are boring and what they do isn't valid or stimulating. Those stereotypes are equally as untrue as saying that all women who work are cold child-haters who don't want to raise their own kids. People do what is best for them. Some people might find being a SAHM boring just as a lot of people find their paid jobs boring but a lot of SAHMs like me love what they do and cherish the time they have with their kids, have intellectual friends and don't spend all day drinking coffee and talking about babies and if other SAHM's do only those things then they can't really complain if they're bored!

socialsciencetastic conspiracy theory tosh.women have ability and choice to work too. some chose to work, some chose sahm.this isn't necessarily a big male hegemony. thete are undoubted inequalities yes

but some women also frequently claim childcare,childrearing and family as their dsomain.see it on mn a lot.and that is also not particularly helpful.all the i am goddess i am mother proclamations

This thread just shows why men conveniently arranged the world to label all the really boring shite as "women's work" and also, why slavery was so popular for so many centuries...you just had to have enough money to offload the crap onto someone with no economic alternative.

And I couldn't hack it as a SAHM, it was dull, no real stimulation, reading a good book with a toddler in the house is not viable, toddler needs lots of stimulation suitable for a 3 year old brain, my brain is 40, it cannot regress to a 3 yo brain. DH blatantly admits the years 0-5 of DD's life were incredibly difficult for him, neither of us has any aptitude for entertaining young children. I admire people who can, which is why I put DD in nursery so she got that fabulous interaction which I could not provide for her.

My mum was a SAHM which clearly left her bored and restless, there are only so many cakes one can bake for cake stalls and raffles you can hold before it gets very dull. Repetitive is the main problem for me, my paid employment is always different as I get involved in different projects but young children and housework: every day, the same sort of thing...

I have always liked the TS Elliot quote: "I have measured out my life in coffee spoons" which sums up the tedium of domesticity and endless coffee mornings so well. ("In the room the women come and go, speaking of Michael Angelo"). A beautifully observed comment on his mother's comfortable and dull middle class life.

See I dont think of mine all the time. I can be here at home with ds in the next room watching a movie and I genuinely can have an hour or so when he isnt on my mind. I can write or think about something else then.

approbation from work gives me plenty of me moments
but of course i think of the kids. like a volume control though it varies throughout day and situational context eg at 8am i know its drop off time, so think about that

but i am v happy with my balance and arrangements we make