Bored by full-time motherhood

Xenia I'm dying to go back to work, I gave a six figure salary and I think it would take me several years if ever to get back to my old position even if I go back full time, also I would have to work long hours & travel. DH often travels abroad, without a full time live in nanny for several years we can't make it work. I'm not sure its fair on the kids if both parents work flat out.

But I'm going la la - coffee mornings just don't replace working on deals, jumping on planes at the last minute etc... Maybe it would have been easier if I had a less exciting career.

I've been a SAHM for several years I've grown duller and duller and I find other SAHM often just as dull - hobbies, fine but only have 8-10pm to do them or before 6am. It will get easier when my youngest starts pre-school and I will have time on my own for the first time in years. Probably spend that time looking for a job.

I'm not sure I regret it but I won't be advising my DD to do the same when she grows up. If I had family support for some of the childcare I would have rejoined the workforce sooner.

I agree with Xenia

if you have a bit of money sloshing around retrain, or do some study, make yourself employable again

take up a hobby or pastime, don't sacrifice yourself on the altar of motherhood

The other thing I forgot to add was I try and get the bulk of drudgery out of the way on Monday, washing, cleaning, dusting, hoovering etc So I don't really have to do any of that later in the week apart from a bit more hoovering/tidying maybe and the kitchen gets tidied everyday.

I also cook dinner while I am preparing lunch, a spag bol, chili, stew, curry etc so that later I only have to put on rice/pasta/veg etc and always do enough for two nights so the next day you don't have to cook (bonus!) or you can freeze some for later.

I also do my food shop on a Sunday without DC as I hate taking her and try not to go again during the week.

I am not saying I have it all worked out by any stretch but I do have a nice balance between constant 'work' and relaxing time - I know this is harder with 2 DC though!

I've been a SAHM for 7 years.... SEVEN FREAKING YEARS... and would love to say its all wonderful but it isn't. Its very often dull.

I'm glad I did it, its great contraception, and I am now pretty much unemployable.... there's up sides of course, I'll get back to you on those.

You are not alone, I am here through choice as well, lol.

Most women who stay at home end up regretting it later and many of us haven't bneen at home because we know it's as dull as ditchwater. Get back to full time work forthwith. It's the only way.

I agree with the other posters that suggest planning your week and meeting up with friends.

I only have one DD (2.8) and I have been at home with her since she was 18 months, sometimes it does get boring (usually when it is raining for days on end).

I always have her registered for a few different community centre classes, crafts, dancing, music etc some which I join in with and as she has got older I have been able to drop her off and enjoy some 'free' time. The classes are usually only 45 mins but it is something to structure the morning around, and gets you out the house and socializing with other mums and DC.

I also like having the next few months planned out, but always leave a couple of free days so not over scheduled.

We also go to the park alot in the afternoon, she is now playing more with other DC, so I am able to relax a bit, we have 3 different parks we drive (5/10 mins away) to and also one in walking distance to keep things fresh. Sometimes we take the bike or a ball to kick around or a kite to fly if it is windy.

In the summer we are able to go to the beach etc which is great. Or play in the garden, which is tiny but we do have a sand/water table, junior swingball, balls etc or we get out the pavement chalk or bubbles.

I am also a annual member of the aquarium so we can go there a fair bit, the library also does free storytimes once a week and there is always swimming etc.

We also have people over for playdates, do baking/crafts with the DCs or just have a coffee and a chat.

Personally I am a lot better a the sociable, activity side than 'playing with toys at home' which I do find boring, I am lucky that my DD has always loved playing with other children and loves to go out and do things too.

You could do all this and still find it really boring though! In that case probably better to go back to work! :)

I'm in a similar place to you. I'm used to working full time, and was made redundant in March. Son stayed in full time nursery whilst I was on a job hunt.

We had to make the decision to move across country as my chances of finding work were slim because of huge amounts of redundancy. And now, here I am, with husband working each day, and me staying at home as a stay at home Mum whilst I wait to find employment.

I'm finding it hard - not just getting used to a new area, but keeping son (3) entertained - he's gregarious and likes a lot of stimulation. I don't have the money or the local knowledge to keep him entertained, and I'm not used to being stuck at home all day - n or is he - so we're just rubbing each other up the wrong way all of the time.

I'm trying for structure. Take husband to train, come home, have breakfast, talk, watch a film, play something active together, have lunch, have some quiet time, walk the dog, free play whilst I do the pots...but it's not that easy, and psychologically I'm feeling the strain.

I hope you manage to find resolution soon.

You Are Not Being Unreasonable

I am a new mum, but I was a child minder for years so I can understand where you are coming from.

Firstly, get out of the house. That's a biggy, do things you wanted to do but never had time (you have nothing but time now). Go to a museum (but go earlyish so you will enjoy it with out the evils.

Try and find some genuine friends with children, not people you only hang out with because they have children too. Go somewhere that needs a minunum amount of supervision. Let them loose at soft play or at a really nice park. I could spend hours at the park.

Is there something you could volunteer to do that you could bring the kids to?

Also I would treat being a SAHM just like a job - structure every half hour with activities for you alone and with the kids and for the kids; remember to factor in independent play as your kids need to be able to get bored and play on their own... I would imagine that would make the days more bearable. My DD's childminders have structured her entire day to the hour and half hour - they've given me the timetable - and I am in awe!

Don't forget the long spells of boredom you must have endured when you were working. Boredom with routine work is normal in work and at home. Make sure you build in interesting things into your day (only you know what's interesting to you), every day and then it'll be easier to put up with the monotonous bits.

Very few women who do not have a baby are literally SAHM. They may not be in paid employment, but they do other things like study, volunteer or have time away from their kids pursuing some sort of hobby. I have never met anyone who didn't have a baby who spent all of their time at home with their children.

So are you literally spending all of the time with your kids? That could be the issue.

Being a SAHM is boring that's why mumsnet is so popular IMHO.

I think I'd like to do SOMETHING even if I was at home all day, like running baby massage or cookery classes or getting more involved with the school or other voluntary work. It's difficult when the kids are VERY small though but when they have a few hours at nursery there could be more options. Or could you do an OU course, something like that? Doesn't have to be a degree, I did a three month course on writing fiction when DD1 was 2 while working 3 days a week, all from my laptop. You need about 8 hours a week to do a short course.

YANBU.

YANBU but... the grass is not always greener. I work F/T and regularly have 'what the flip am I doing missing out on my kids' type dilemmas. Trick is to find a happy balance... (I would also go mad at home all day).

Totally agree and at times I'm so bored I feel brain dead! I pay for a cleaner once a week which is a luxury but I don't smoke or drink and find it makes life a bit more bearable and in control.

I also try to schedule several things in advance eg meeting pals, dropping DS off at nannas one day, going to playcentre to meet other mums. Having an empty schedule knowing you have little ones at home can be the worst nightmare of all especially if it's raining! Planning things to do in the week gives my life a bit more structure I find
Like you, I also took redundancy from my job and am hoping to get another one in the not too distant future because I really miss the office banter, the adult company and using my brain for something other than what's for tea tonight etc.

It's true I will end up paying someone to look after my kids for some of the time but just because you have children doesn't mean you should have to sacrifice your sense of self at the alter of motherhood. Also, it doesn't mean that you love your kids any less. My children mean the world to me but I do believe that happy parents make the best parents and it's a very individual choice about what work/life balance you are most happy with.

when you have kids, its not all about you anymore, it should be whats best for the children.

YANBU!

I swither between joyful happy moments which justify my being at home and realising I can't possibly do anything else at the moment and hating myself and my life so hard that it all seems a bit pointless and shit.

It's a really really bloody tough slog and doesn't get half as much recognition as it should.

I'm a sahm by choice and yes I do get unspeakably bored. It can be very thankless and I find the lack of adult company and conversation particularly difficult. However I won't work until my youngest starts school because I believe that I am doing what's best for my DC.

I will be 34 when DD2 goes to school so I think I will have plenty of time to do something for me then. Of course this may all change if we decide to go for DC3 in a couple of years!

You need to embrace your inner stepford. Get something floral and a pinny, bake and take valium. You will soon adjust.