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AIBU?

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Original poster

...to want to never, ever see my step-daughter again as long as I live?

260 replies

IrisMurdoch · 24/01/2011 16:02

The worst thing is...my dp says he doesn't want kids with me because it would be 'too complicated' eg I've had my two kids so I'm OK and my daughter has also told me not to have any more kids! So instead of having a family of my own, I have to put up with his awful children for the rest of time. Anyone been in a similar plight and found a way through? Thanks so much, Iris. Sorry that I sound like a child-hating cow.

OP posts:
MmeLindt · 24/01/2011 16:26

Well, tbh, you did word your OP so that a pasting was inevitable.

You say that you never want to see your DSD again. That she is awful.

Many posters have step-children and are going to react badly to your OP. Or have step-parents.

Sassybeast · 24/01/2011 16:26

I hope he dumps you. And the fact that he doesn't want to have kids with you bodes well for the fact that he will dump you and spend time mending whatever difficulties he is experiencing with HIS child.

2blessed2bstressed · 24/01/2011 16:26

OP - I was going to say I could possibly see where you were coming from ... but that's because I was imagining a difficult young woman of 16+ who was physically and verbally abusive. But then you said she was 11. You're on your own now, sorry!

Original poster
IrisMurdoch · 24/01/2011 16:26

I adore my niece and nephew, but that's because they're lovely, pleasant children who are able to communicate and aren't unkind and frosty.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 24/01/2011 16:25

She is 11, and if you feel threatened by an 11 year old then you have the problem not her! She is AWFUL to me, in what way? So far all you have said is that she wont catch your eye or interact with you. That isnt awful behaviour!

curlymama · 24/01/2011 16:25

Of course you can't critisize her!! Shock

If my DH started critisizing my dc, he would be out the door with his knob next to his navel!

You sound vile. Maybe you shouldn't leave him, you are obviously too selfish to put a childs needs before your own, but he should certainly leave you.

No doubt you manipulate him to within an inch of his life though.

I wonder why the sd doesn't like you? Hmm

laosvher · 24/01/2011 16:25

That was supposed to quote your whole post, forgot to copy and paste.

I think love grows slowly, especially for children that aren't your own and you are having trouble bonding with. However, you sound like you don't want to make the effort, and want them rid from yours and your DPs life.

IAmReallyFabNow · 24/01/2011 16:24

daughters children

Original poster
IrisMurdoch · 24/01/2011 16:24

Crikey, that lady was right about the 'pasting' thing. I am totally kind and lovely to her at all times, as I should be. I can say she's 'awful' because she IS awful to me.

OP posts:
DooinMeCleanin · 24/01/2011 16:24

My Dh is a step parent and I can assure that all step parents do not hate their step children, What a bizzare assumption to make.

Nor do most people just 'tolerate' all children but their own. I love my neices, nbephews and friends children very much and would take in each and every one fo them in a flash if it was required of me.

You really are a piece of work op. I don't blame your partner for not wanting children with you.

diddl · 24/01/2011 16:23

"My point is, do any stepmothers actually LOVE their partner's children"

I would have thought so as they are part of the partner that they love.

Anyway, you have a family of your own, your son.

You have three children between you-why wouldn´t that be your own family?

MmeLindt · 24/01/2011 16:22

Hmm, no matter what his DD is like, she is his DD.

How would you like it if someone talked about your DS like that?

And how can you even think of having children with your DP when you don't get on with his DD?

I don't think that you are horrible for not liking her, I don't like every single child that I come across, but you need to find a way past this.

Bogeyface · 24/01/2011 16:22

And no, most people dont just politely tolerate children who are central in their family lives. If they can only do that then they split up.

No wonder she has no time for you, children are very perceptive and probably spotted you for the person you are, and knew long before you did that you resent her!

Fontsnob · 24/01/2011 16:21

I love my husbands kids, it's not always easy, but I love them.

ComeAlongPond · 24/01/2011 16:21

She'll always be his daughter. If you want to be part of their family I think you should work on your attitude towards her because tbh I can't imagine a father wanting a relationship with someone who hates his daughter that much.

How would you feel if your DP said that about your DS? And how can you be so callous towards an 11 year old?

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 24/01/2011 16:21

If he thought your DS was awful, humourless, unkind etc, would you stay with him and inflict him on your child?

Hai1988 · 24/01/2011 16:21

ok fair enough if you dont "love" them, but to say you dont like this 11 year old girl. I find rather strange tbh

Ormirian · 24/01/2011 16:21

irism - yes, they do. Or at least the ones I know do a very good impression of doing so and a good job of caring for them and about them.

laosvher · 24/01/2011 16:21

'Is able to smile and look people in the eye'
Sounds like a MH issue, actually...

Lulumaam · 24/01/2011 16:20

you need to walk away before you damage her and ruin things .

you have a family

she;s not stopping you

11 year olds are notoriously tricky, at that funny age before teendom hits, but feel too grown up already

have some compassion

you sound callous and humourless and cold and unsettling

Get.A.Grip

Fontsnob · 24/01/2011 16:20

Blimey, you're brave posting this here! Regardless of his current children, wouldn't his not wanting children to your wanting them, be the deal breaker? To be honest, if you can't accept his children then your relationship will not work. Simple as that.

Bogeyface · 24/01/2011 16:19

my daughter has also told me not to have any more kids!

Where does your dd come into this? Hmm

Original poster
IrisMurdoch · 24/01/2011 16:19

My point is, do any stepmothers actually LOVE their partner's children, or even like them? Don't people just politely tolerate other people's children? It's good to talk about difficult subjects isn't it?

OP posts:
MrSpoc · 24/01/2011 16:19

If i was your partner and i found out you talked about my kids like this then i would get rid of you. You sound like the step mum form hell.

clevercloggs · 24/01/2011 16:19

so what would you like to happen in an ideal world