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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

for feeling smug when mothers of school-agers describe themselves as "Full-time mums" or "Housewives"?

794 replies

CareeringAlong · 29/11/2010 16:22

Name change...

Following from the threads about life at home when you don't do voluntary of paid work, although your children are of school-age, I was wondering if anyone else who does work can't help feeling a tad superior? Oh yes, I know I'll be flamed for this, but there it is.

These housewives seem to do all the things that working mothers do (cooking, cleaning, planning etc, etc, etc) but don't have any purpose outside of this. They seem to think that doing the supermarket shopping is a reasonable replacement for a 'real' career. I can't help but feel prejudiced against them.

I'm currently a SAHM as DD is pre-school, but will do paid (and voluntary) work as soon as she's in school. I'm looking forward to building-up my career again and working for the family.

Oh, and before anyone jumps on this, I've always cooked decent-quality meals from scratch, even when I worked v. long hours; my dogs are walked in the early hours; and my house is always clean and tidy. I argue that ironing is for losers, however!

OK. Hard hat on!

OP posts:
webwiz · 30/11/2010 21:18

Actually I think I'll use this thread for an assignment I've got - does "The construction of socially accepted roles for mothers through discourse in online parenting forums" sound like a good title? (it will be a real MN essay) as I don't really like Jeremy Kyle and prefer radio 4 does the OP think I am allowed to exist? Or does studying at home not count because its DH's wages that are paying the fees - I don't think I'll have to do any prostituting tonight though because he's already snoring on the sofa.

pastaplease · 30/11/2010 21:10

I agree that smug is a bad word. But I suppose I appreciate the honesty really.

I've felt very offended by several posts on lots of different threads on Mumsnet, but I know that's the nature of the beast and I suppose that's a fact of real life too.

Mumcentreplus · 30/11/2010 21:08
Mumcentreplus · 30/11/2010 21:07

hahaha...

webwiz · 30/11/2010 21:05

Sorry I think I'm a page behind! pastaplease I think its the use of "smug" by the OP that has been the catalyst for the annoyance. The OP hasn't really contributed very much at all.

pastaplease · 30/11/2010 21:03

Yes but she has done it before. She has a teenage son.

webwiz · 30/11/2010 21:01

The OP doesn't work YuleBeLucky she is criticising from a future position that she isn't at yet Hmm

pastaplease · 30/11/2010 21:00

Cue swearing at me now! :)

pastaplease · 30/11/2010 20:59

Actually, I don't think that CareerAlong has been particularly inflammatory. She has re-buffed the comments made by others very well, I think.

Yes, she mentioned prostitution, for example, but only because it was put to her.

What's the point in a debate if people agree? I'm with Scottishmummy - this has been interesting and I haven't seen the sort of horrible and nasty name-calling and swearing on this thread that I've seen on others.

Bunbaker · 30/11/2010 20:57

"Providing you have good childcare"

But that is the crux isn't it?
It took me 17 to have DD. The last thing I wanted was for a complete stranger to bring her up (no family within 150 miles). OH works from home and I work part time. We share the childcare between us. It suits us both, neither of us is stressed out from our jobs, we get to spend time with DD and I don't spend weekends doing household chores becasue they get done during the week.

I was a SAHM for four years because of DD's health issues and I did find it hard, but equally I would find working full time hard.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 30/11/2010 20:56

Agree m'lud. Really not worth the 659 posts.

YuleBeLucky · 30/11/2010 20:53

Let's just get to the point.

Women who actually, genuinely believe that they are superior to other women because they work / don't work are major twunts.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 30/11/2010 20:49

The inflammatory comments? OK, I shall put my big spoon away and stop stirring - I confess, I'm not taking this whole thread seriously enough

MarshaBrady · 30/11/2010 20:46

Of course it is classydiva. But not everyone wants to do that. Why should they?

Mumcentreplus · 30/11/2010 20:41

and those who make inflammatory comments...I don't get it...why would you want to do that?

Imarriedafrog · 30/11/2010 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

COCAcolachristmasadvert · 30/11/2010 20:37

"more than just someone who pushes a pushchair" not feeling superior at all

Mumcentreplus · 30/11/2010 20:36

what I find irritating is people who put each other down no matter their choices...thats weird

Imarriedafrog · 30/11/2010 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

classydiva · 30/11/2010 20:31

I never felt superior, I do wonder why people with children think it is real hard though. It isn't.

Providing you have good childcare it is easy to keep down a 12 hour day stressful office job, maintain a spotless home, and care for two children who need a dinner when you get home.

People do what suits them, some want to stay home, some need to work because primarily they aren't the motherly sort, I know that I wanted to be more than someone who pushed a pushchair.

Each to their own I say.

It do piss me off how people seem to moan irrespective of which path they follow.

YuleBeLucky · 30/11/2010 20:31

'Ironing while watching Jezza ...career choice' etc etc

What a load of shit.

The OP has had a bad day at work, long commute in snow, has missed kids etc etc and is now projecting, methinks. Cheer up. You've only forty odd more years of this Grin

Mumcentreplus · 30/11/2010 20:29
Hmm
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 30/11/2010 20:25

She might have also done the supermarket shopping and looked after the kiddies so they don't have to go to evil childcare

COCAcolachristmasadvert · 30/11/2010 20:23

Doing what exactly? She is a SAHM too

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 30/11/2010 20:22

She has - she's a SAHM at the mo