for feeling smug when mothers of school-agers describe themselves as "Full-time mums" or "Housewives"?

This topic is being discussed on The Wright Stuff now.

Matthew Wright is just about to discuss this on the Wright Stuff. See his researchers are doing another fantastic job of finding their own topics for discussion.

CareeringAlong I'm really interested to learn how you will be going back to work having taken so many years off? This is not an attack - I'd just like to know if you have any constructive advice on getting a PT or FT job in your previous profession that still enables you to be there for your DC esp as you mention even in school hols. What about the fact that you have been out of work for so long? My DD is just 1 and have another on the way and would eventually like to return to work but am baffled by how this can be achieved. Pls don't waste my time with abusive posts about feeling 'smug' because really what are you achieving? If you've really got it all worked out do share how you are able to lead such a delusional perfect life.

sneering snooty original post.

It must be nice for you to look down on this great swathe of your sisters in their moronic bovine pointlessness.

Many of us do loads of unpaid work, I've been a school gov for many years looking after the interests of all the pupils. I'm very active in the Friends as well. Most working mums have almost no time to contribute to the school which is fine but they need people like us.

Very many things dictate whether you can go back to work or not.
Partner's working hours and distance to work.
The availability of adequate childcare.
The availability of flexible work to return to.
Family nearby.
These things make a massive difference.
None of my working friends add up the many many many inset days I've had all their kids for free and picked them up when sick etc etc. My time is not of 'real' value somehow. They appreciate it but it hasn't got real value in monetary terms.

CareeringAlong - have you stopped to consider the things that SAHMs do that benefit other children (yours included)?

Whilst a SAHM I have been on my local NCT branch committee, and involved in organising Messy Morning play days, christmas events and coordinated post-natal support for parents in my area. I then went on to the playgroup committee - the playgroup could not run without its committee, so the work I did as secretary and then vice chair kept an important resource open for local parents and children.

Once my children were in school, I helped out at PTA events, and also went into the classroom on a regular basis, and provided additional support for the teacher, or did one-to-one reading with the children. I also volunteered in ds1's senior school, and helped keep the library open after the librarian resigned and before a new one was appointed, and again when the new librarian was ill. Had I not done so, the library would have been closed, and a valuable resource would not have been available for the pupils.

Think about all of that, the next time you are tempted to look down on SAHMs, and think whether your child and other people's children would be better or worse off if volunteers such as myself did not exist.

I believe that the vast majority of parents make the best decisions possible for their family and their circumstances - and that it would be stupid to say that every family should make the same decision, or that people who have made a different decision to me are somehow inferior parents.

I don't expect CareeringAlong to change her mind about the fact that it is best for her and for her children and family for her to go back to work - that is her decision and I respect that. However, I do think she should look long and hard at her unpleasantly superior and judgemental attitude to those of us who have made a different decision to her - there, I think she does need to make a change.

'cockpit', like a surprisingly large number of other well-used phrases, derives from cock-fighting. 'Keep your pecker up', 'rule the roost', I could give you a dozen, but I don't think anyone will read it.

Cockfighting was made illegal donkey's years ago, but is alive in our language.

(can't remember who asked)

It would be nice if both sahms and wohms could simaltaneously feel smug.

Life for single parents can be a real bitch.

So when you're answering the all-important party question re jobs op - what do you say?

'Oh, I'm a housewife at the moment but in three/four years' time I'll be going back to my glittering career in ...'

I'm afraid you're deluding yourself if you think anyone will listen beyond the first four words of that statement, love.

Being ashamed of what you do is never an appealing quality in anyone - you'd get more respect if you could summon up a sense of pride in what you are, not what you're planning to be when this embarrassing state of affairs is over.

half an hour or so bus or walk away

Now next week working half an hour or so walk or bus 2 days for 3 hours. So out 4 hours 2 days. Maybe make just in case plans now. So don't have to look unreliable saying can't go in or have last minute panic.Would 4 hours out and half an hour away be acceptable I wonder? Trouble is most parents out working so unlikely to be in unless their work cancelled due to snow!

and only 5 mins away.

xposts yes that's right only 2 hours and they are old enough.

They making arrangements to play out with friends in snow anyway so won't be in much. Will phone parents of kids playing with for help. Feel cheeky asking but got a solution.

11 and 12 is old enough imo to be left alone, especially since you'll be 5'away. And it's only for 2 hours anyway...

They 11 and 12 and work 5 mins walk away. So can be back really quick if any problems. Can't really watch out window unless tell them to stay in visible radius. Plus will be working so can't watch really and too cold for them to be out 2 hours. What can ex do anyway? Only say/text nasty stuff and learned to ignore is best solution to that.plus will only know if kids mention.

oh dear...
I thought you had to work at home.
How old are they? Is work far away (is the "watching out of work window" solution possible?)

Most schools are closed today, are there any teenage neighbours/relatives that would be happy to sit with them for a few quid (and then your ex won't have an excuse to cause a fuss)

yes have garden, twilight 3 or could risk leaving at home 2 hours and hope they don't kill each other or do anything daft. They would be ok, very sensible. My exhh claims he is "watching" me to make sure I don't leave them alone in house, after he called to collect and I was out collecting from nursery for 10 minutes.

a1b2, why not? Do you have a garden?

no, I when I have the day off I have the day off

Plus the one and only benefit of having teenagers is to withhold allowance until they do chores and to blame the remaining mess on them [evil emoticon]

I'm meant to be working 2 hours tday. School closed snow day. Hope nursery open. What am I supposed to do, tell kids to play out in snow and I'll keep eye on them from work window?!

I've really enjoyed reading this thread, I actually had a good laugh. Mostly because almost everyone on it says "my life, my choice, op you're nasty, your post is obscene", and still here we are 29 (29!!) pages later feeding this thread.

Keep it up please, I have the day off today

Actually, the OP is a housewife / full time mum, whatever she chooses to call herself, and whatever her future plans. She's not going back to work for several years. If I took a job this morning as a blacksmith , and planned to make horse shoes every day for four years, the other blacksmiths would give my protestations that I was planning on quitting in 2014 and so therefore wasn't really a blacksmith, pretty short shrift.

OP - you are a housewife. Deal with it.

I was very lucky when my children were young in that I didn't have to return to work when the youngest went to school. I used to come across some smug WOHM at the school gates who used to look down their noses at me. The problem is that I have no ambition. I don't think I'm lazy, I was busy all the time. True it's not a full time job to look after a home when the children are out all day but I did do everything. I figured that as I wasn't working outside the home my DH really had a reasonable right not to expect to do anything (beyond make the odd cup of tea occasionally) in the home. I used to fill up my time with various bits of charity work, sat on a few fund raising committees, did the shopping and laundry for an elderly neighbour, walked the dog for a young couple, both working, who lived nearby and, oh yes, was usually the first person the snotty working mums called when one of their DC were too ill to go to school and their boss was getting arsey about them taking a day off work!

Just 1 Q, careering along, you say at the beginning you have name changed purely because you did not want to be recognized by friends on here. At 19.47 you say that a couple of your friends have PMd you knowingly. So, if the cat is out of the bag, could you at least have the courage of your convictions and admit who you are, otherwise it's pretty cowardly IMHO.

Out of interest, would you class a nanny as a prostitute? Or a PA? I really don't see the difference. A SAHM usually has a busy and complicated role coordinating many family members and works hard, and as such earns her keep. Just because she is working for or caring for own family members doesn't make it not legitimate work.

I guess I am in a similar position to you OP, in that ATM I am at home ('legitimately' - I have a 2 year old), as well as 3 other children. But at present i am so busy running around with endless doctors appointments (1 has health problems) I can't see how or when I'd be able to return to work - my skills are now long since obsolete.

But ultimately, I keep my mind on my own family and try my best to bring my children up how I think is best, supporting my husband as best I can and generally trying to live my life as best I can, and that includes being a good example. And that includes trying not to judge others and making assumptions about other people.

If you really think about the role of women in the west, yes we have achieved emancipation , come some way to equality, but there's still a long way to go. The workplace, the world is still a sexist place to be in, heavily biased towards men, unequal pay and employment opportunities, unequal division of domestic work and responsibilities. As an educated woman, I'm sure you understand this. Many men still consider women to be inferior. So I find it truly sad and depressing for another woman to jump in and take such a blinkered and ignorant view against women. Dont you think women have it hard enough already? Up the sisterhood and all that.

You've used up your cant allowance for one thread.