for feeling smug when mothers of school-agers describe themselves as "Full-time mums" or "Housewives"?

i love a good sahm/working thread.strangely compelling

I completely agree that children (mostly) have two parents, and so both parents should shoulder responsibility.

But, when I go back to work, my salary will have to cover all the childcare costs. And the transport costs, and the clothing costs. We pool all our money, and since I've been at home, all of DH's has been sucked up by trivial things like the mortgage, utility bills and food. He doesn't have a magical WOHD pot that he uses for beer and toys that could be used for childcare. So unless we want to go under financially, I will have to make a net gain when I go back to work.

I feel smug that I don't have to work, actually.

Of course supermarket shopping isn't a reasonable replacement for a career, however, getting my nails done and enjoying long lunches out is

Northernlurker - When I was a SAHM I would describe myself as a full time mum not because I thought that WOHMM were part time mums but because I couldn't think of another word for it. SAHM is a bit mumsnetty and housewife would suggest that I actually did housework which was far from the truth.

Wakey wakey Fanjo - you're going to miss the best bits

Clearly you're not that smug as you have name changed.

Op, I was at a school assembley a while ago with my friend who has no pre school age children. somebody made a comment about her being 'a lady of leisure' little do they know that when she has dropped her DC off every day she is straight round to her mums house to take care of her. Her mum has dementia and needs somebody with her full time. My friend works her fecking arse off trying to hold everything together.

So next time you are judging somebody from a far and feeling all smug remember you have no idea what somebody elses life is like, and certainly no right to judge

Valium I'm now considering changing my name to ApocalypseLazyCheeks, probably the most strenuous thing i've done all day, that and grind my bumcheeks, AND the dcs are picked up and dropped off door to door for school, no braving wind and frost for me, I don't even get DRESSED if i'm not going out, what's not to like ??

I know women who work as GP's, anesthetists, surgeons and guess who a) pays the childcare b) 9/10 drops everything for the children. If you can't have equality at that level god help us.

Xenia will be along in a minute to kick us all up the arse.

Yaaaaaaaawwwwwwwn

I just want them to see

i just want the dc to see the nursery nurses

Don't feel smug. Wait until you have managed to get that job that suits you and your family, and find just how bloody hard it is to juggle everything. If you manage that without stress and corner cutting, well done you, feel smug if you like. Until then, defer smugness. IME there is no permanently perfect choices.

Quite, hully.

smug (smg)
adj. smug·ger, smug·gest
Exhibiting or feeling great or offensive satisfaction with oneself or with one's situation; self-righteously complacent: "the smug look of a toad breakfasting on fat marsh flies" (William Pearson).

really dont care what y'all do I know im right

They agonise about this everyday in Darfur.

It doesn't say that - but I'd still rather my daughter sees the opportunites she has open to her in terms of careers outside of the home, with women fulfilling these roles. I'd also like my sons to see that women are more than capable of these jobs, with men responsible for sharing the housework and childcare juggling.

WOHM/SAHM row bingo

Precious moments mamas - ding

'try being a SAHM - it's harder than working' - ding

'even if you work FT you are still a FT mother' - ding

'fuck off OP' - ding

Your namechanging entirely undermines your credibility.

It's a teensy bit silly to divide it into two sides. There are thousands of variations of job/childcare/relationships. Each with its own joys and troubles, and all with everyone doing the best they can. Few have the luxury of considered choice.

You are an arse.

Feeling smug is a funny thing... I remember feeling smug when I had a tiny baby and I looked at mums with older children, but now that my children are older, I look back at that 'smugness' and laugh that I thought I was lucky! I wouldn't go back now.

LOL apocalypse!

You're lucky. And you're smug about that luck. I used to be a bit embarrassed trying to find a word for full time mum that wasn't so unimpressive. I used to dread coming up against types like you op.

Now I'm doing a course and have a job, it's a nightmare trying to keep on top of everything. Didn't manage to get the christmas shoe box in, the homework isn't as completely done as it used to be, more cerealbars in the lunches. It is HARd IMO.

Ave sat on my arse for the past 13 years and proud of it, now i'm off to work on the groove on my side of the sofa, cheerio