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AIBU?

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Original poster

for feeling smug when mothers of school-agers describe themselves as "Full-time mums" or "Housewives"?

794 replies

CareeringAlong · 29/11/2010 16:22

Name change...

Following from the threads about life at home when you don't do voluntary of paid work, although your children are of school-age, I was wondering if anyone else who does work can't help feeling a tad superior? Oh yes, I know I'll be flamed for this, but there it is.

These housewives seem to do all the things that working mothers do (cooking, cleaning, planning etc, etc, etc) but don't have any purpose outside of this. They seem to think that doing the supermarket shopping is a reasonable replacement for a 'real' career. I can't help but feel prejudiced against them.

I'm currently a SAHM as DD is pre-school, but will do paid (and voluntary) work as soon as she's in school. I'm looking forward to building-up my career again and working for the family.

Oh, and before anyone jumps on this, I've always cooked decent-quality meals from scratch, even when I worked v. long hours; my dogs are walked in the early hours; and my house is always clean and tidy. I argue that ironing is for losers, however!

OK. Hard hat on!

OP posts:
SleepyCaz · 29/11/2010 18:21

Well done. You're brilliant. The perfect mother.

Hmm
GoodnightNobody · 29/11/2010 18:20

If you need to feel 'smug' then fine.

If you need to devalue other people's choices, fine.

If you feel the need to look down your nose and patronise, then fine.

I'd prefer you kept your ego trip to yourself but then I am probably BU to expect you to do that.

PortlyBlackSantaUpTheChimney · 29/11/2010 18:19

Next year i plan to take a year out to stop the war in Afghanistan. What are you planning?

Original poster
CareeringAlong · 29/11/2010 18:17

Gawd, I'll be going back to work when DD's in school. That isn't starting from now - it's starting from before she was born!!

OP posts:
seb1 · 29/11/2010 18:16

Your DD is pre-school so I assume you will be going back to work soon hence "rush"

Portofino · 29/11/2010 18:16

I am a WOHM and have been since dd was 5 months old. I am not smug - I am knackered!

Original poster
CareeringAlong · 29/11/2010 18:16

Not again. I have already done it.

OP posts:
stropicana · 29/11/2010 18:15

Grin hahaha. Bloody brilliant. You are feeling smug about something your not even doing.Hmm and Biscuit and Bear just checking.

Original poster
CareeringAlong · 29/11/2010 18:13

Hardly rushing back to work. I will have been with both of my children until they're school age.

OP posts:
seb1 · 29/11/2010 18:13

Perhaps before you rush back to work you should teach your DD being smug is not a very endearing quality in anyone.

Original poster
CareeringAlong · 29/11/2010 18:10

That's my point. You're no more a mother if you're doing paid or voluntary work than if you're "sat at home", and I quote, once your children are at school.

OP posts:
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 29/11/2010 18:10

So glad you were joking about finding a better paid husband . To prevent other posters from having to second guess, next time use a Grin....

poshsinglemum · 29/11/2010 18:10

I don't feel smug but I do think it's wierd that people don't want to do some kind of occupation or career; no matter how small. If I didn't have to work I'd start up mu own cupcake and bunting industry at home. I simply could not be content to clean all day although I'd love to just keep doing up houses and cook amazing meals.

Whitethorn · 29/11/2010 18:09

MrMister is it a wife or nanny/cleaner you want?
Can understand why you enjoy it, I would love a wife !

Hulababy · 29/11/2010 18:09

Well done OP. You are obviusly fantastic, doing everything just right and perfect, and having the best of everything. Your way is obviosly the right and only way to do things. We should all go your route clearnly in order to get our lives on track nd right.

Hmm

BTW, I work PT. Always have done since having DD. I am still a FT mum - I don't stop being a mum and having my DD's best interests at heart when I leave the house or when she goes out to school. So, certainly on that score - you are wrong imo.

bupcakesandcunting · 29/11/2010 18:08

"Although quite why anyone would purposely choose a husband based on their earning power is beyond me."

Well, you know how it is. Looks fade. The personality you once loved starts to grate. There needs to be some draw.

I think I need to ask MN for some "making a dry but humorous statement" HTML tags...

bupcakesandcunting · 29/11/2010 18:06

Well, if we're going to dissect a throwaway/light-hearted comment...

She could be a SAHM because she and her DH can't afford childcare. So she could well do with a better-paid husband.

I don't know because I don't know her individual set of circumstances, see? Which is why we should STFU about other people's lifestyles until asked for an opinion. OP can't complain about anyone else making wild assumptions when she's done it about a huge section of women. I find it quite off. If OP couldn't fill her days with purposeful things without being chained to a desk or a sink then she needs to get out more or get a hobby.

scurryfunge · 29/11/2010 18:06

Mrmister,

If someone has been "working" all day with housework and childcare, I'd be pretty pissed off in the evenings and weekends if my DH came in and didn't share bathing, bedtime, etc. If you equate staying at home as working then you can't have it both ways!

Original poster
CareeringAlong · 29/11/2010 18:06

Oldest profession in the world, and all that. Wink

OP posts:
Maisiethemorningsidecat · 29/11/2010 18:05

Although quite why anyone would purposely choose a husband based on their earning power is beyond me.

Alouiseg · 29/11/2010 18:04

Why name change if you think you are so right op???

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 29/11/2010 18:04

If she is a SAHM at the moment (as Grape pointed out) then she doesn't need to find herself a better paid husband as you suggest, does she?

Original poster
CareeringAlong · 29/11/2010 18:03

Eh? "Find a husband with better pay"? Ugh. Have some self-respect.

Incidentally, DH earns plenty. My choice to work isn't entirely about money.

OP posts:
SparklyJules · 29/11/2010 18:02

I've not read all 8 pages of replies, just wanted to post and say that I was reminded of something Angelina Jolie said in an interview once:

"My mother did not work outside of the home, but she was the hardest working woman I have ever known."

Beautifully put Angelina...

mrmister · 29/11/2010 18:02

@scurryfunge

Working women still do all that crap when they return home from work too.

I know they do - and as far as I'm concerned, if both parents are away from the home for the same time, e.g. they both work, or one works and one volunteers somewhere, or one works and the other looks after an elderly relative, etc. then they should share the burden of looking after the house and doing the day-to-day chores - it shouldn't matter that one partner earns more than the other so has a lower household burden.

Don't get me wrong, things still need doing around our house in the evening and at weekends and I help with those - but there'd be a whole lot more to do had my wife not done what she had done during the week.

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