for feeling smug when mothers of school-agers describe themselves as "Full-time mums" or "Housewives"?

Bluddy hell it's about choices...personally I would love not to work as much as I have to,I could be there for all the school events,make the costumes etc etc at leisure (and not at 2am in the morning as i have done in the past),bake groovy cakes for the bake sale I did manage biscuits once...but on the other hand I like work...I don't beleive it defines me per ce, but I enjoy the people I work with,I have fun and I help people...no I'm not saving the world but I know I have made a difference...If I could work less hours I would...I don't think I would completely ever give up work..but thats how i feel now who knows what the future will bring..every woman no matter her choices should be respected...BTW my house is a tip

Bunbaker - good point, as an 'older' mum I've had a fabulous career; the prestiege, company car, 'team' etc etc. So now, in my early 50s it's great to have the choice (mortgage paid off, no state benefits) to be able to stay at home - perhaps I should feel smug? I love using the skills I've learned in the workplace - I now engage in lots of different voluntary jobs which gives me a 'worthwhile' place in society - should I need it - why am I even getting involved in this ridiculous thread.

Op - you still haven't told us what your career is and how you can be so sure you can return to it?

emails,huge caseload,ringing phones,endless appts these are all forces that conspire to keep me in work

"They seem to think that doing the supermarket shopping is a reasonable replacement for a 'real' career. I can't help but feel prejudiced against them."

Erm, some of us are older mothers who did the career thing before having children. I don't feel I have to prove myself careerwise any more. Since DD was born my priorities have changed, especially since we nearly lost her when she was a few weeks old. Feeling superior because you have a career says a lot about you, and I'm afraid it doesn't make you sound like a very nice person.

I work part time and consider that I have my work/life balance exactly where I want it. We aren't skint, we live in a nice house in a nice area, I get to spend time with DD, my husband and my friends. I have time to shop, cook meals from scratch, grow vegetables, garden, wash, iron, do housework etc, so that at weekends I get to spend quality time with my family. I don't feel ragged or stressed, I have a job that I enjoy and work with some lovely people.

I don't feel superior, just lucky.

No way is it just the day to day money.

It's that old chestnut - independence.

But still don't judge those who don't. There are forces at work to keep these women 'in their place'

work not only about money at all,for me it is personal and vocational satisfaction.working defines me in a way solely being mum couldnt

The purpose of work is to earn money? Not the sole reason I go to work, that's for sure. I work p/t, so can be reassured that the children are being well looked after (on the days that I'm not here )

OK well I've run out of s so I'm off to clean the fish tank.

OP you are a strange beast. Why the smuggery?

Whether one works or not, or is a SAHM or not cannot surely define whether one leads a fulfilled and contented existence? There are too many other variables and MN is too entertaining

I havent read the thread properly sorry but doesnt it depend on how many kids she has too? My mum had five of us and didnt go to work (Dad worked to keep us,no funding from GM) My mum was also blind in one eye and had bad sight in the other so probably couldnt have easily worked outside the home.
It kind of annoys me how people just `assume'

Surely the purpose of work is to earn money?
I am certain many folks have great fulfilling jobs but most I know are pretty pissed off with their jobs but are trapped by the requirement to earn
I am a SaHM and have plenty of purpose, and no requirement or need to earn which I am the first to admit makes me LUCKY in that I have a choice
I chose to have kids and I prefer to look after them myself. To work so I could earn enough to pay someone else to do what I to half as well?
Not enticing me and not forming the notion of purpose

I think the OP has done quite well considering the divide and conquer tactics

I actually edited my response quite heavily

There is so much venom on this thread from all points of view, which is no doubt what the shit stirring OP intended. Perhaps you should read the thread again, and try not jumping down my throat in a manner which is frankly, nasty.

Ironic, as you say.

Well done you OP. Aren't you just frightfully clever. And lovely to boot, I wish you were my friend. (I say that as someone who has always worked.)

Your post Georgimama.

No need to call 90% of posters nasty. That's just, well, nasty.

I'm not suggesting they're not Maisie, just that such an arrangement will not cause me (as a member of the OP's superior club) to feel 'smug'.

Knackered, pulled in all directions, happy to be back in work, a little bit guilty - yes; smug - no.

89 tops

Now...I get upset about non disabled women who stay at home after their kids have gone back to school and are able to do so as they are living off Government pay outs. Not smug - annoyed and upset. I don't however get smug about those women who are fortunate enough to have the choice to stay at home due to their husband's income - they are lucky. They might be writing a bestseller for all you know - but so what if they're not? Their life, their choice. It wouldn't be my choice to stay at home but everyone is different. I have a stay at home mum friend who didn't enjoy work and can afford not to - why on earth would I judge her for that? And yes I do realise it's highly likely that this thread is a wind up but I'm bored and it has kept me occupied!

My OP? What are you talking about? I'm not the OP.

I don't think pointing out that the majority of the posts on this thread are pretty unpleasant makes me "nasty".

There's been the odd nasty post, due to people falling for this and getting riled. But 90%? I must be reading a different thread.

Plenty of children are in childcare for 9 hours a day. They seem remarkably well balanced and happy for something that by rights, if some of these posts are anything to go by, should have them rocking backwards and forwards in a corner and licking the windows.

And ironically your op is nasty too Georgimama

We are truly all in this together

Nasty OP and 90% of the posts in response are deeply nasty too.

Not MN's finest moment, this.

Why yes, Maths. It is clear the OP may just decide when and how and where to drop out, then simply come back when she feels like it, hours to suit, term time and all. Haven't you heard, there has been an equality revolution in the workplace in the last week?

I feel sorry for you actually - a) that you have nothing else going on in your life other than to post such a pointless little post b) for your children who probably never have any 1:1 time if you rush around all day being such a fantastic role model

Ds1 has just started nursery (mornings only). I'd love to go back to work next year when he's full-time as I loved my job and miss it (I was a Primary teacher). However, even if I work part-time, ds1 will have to be in breakfast club and afterschool club as well as a day in Reception. And, like tingle I won't be there for many of my own children's important school events.

Dh and I are still weighing up what to do but I doubt that I will be feeling in any way smug when I pick up my child who will have been in school for 9 hours. If I don't return soon, it will get harder and harder to return and I suspect that I will be a SAHM of teenage children whether I want to or not.

So smug away, just don't expect everyone to agree with you.