for feeling smug when mothers of school-agers describe themselves as "Full-time mums" or "Housewives"?

Thank you Giddypickle. You have explained so much better than I could my thoughts exactly.

I have no beef with WOHMs - why would I? Why would anyone? My personal circumstances have been like amidawish - DH frequently has to travel long distances to see clients, and over the years has often been away for several days at a time (admittedly the longest has been two weeks, which I know is nothing compared to some people).

It's always been clear that my having a job would be unsustainable; okay, maybe there's some little sweetshop out there who'd let me mind the till during school hours and give me school holidays off, but frankly, no thanks.

I earned a decent whack during my working life and was stimulated by the work I did. I'm not prepared to sit staring at the wall in some tinpot concern just so I can justify my existence to people like the OP.

I admire other women or not depending on the people they are, not based on whether they earn cash for what they do.

It's great for those who can keep careers/jobs/whatever going, but why deride those who've decided, by choice or necessity, it's not for them?

Maybe I should have divorced my DH and found someone with a normal job - then my DCs would have been able to admire their DM going out to work. They'd hardly see their father, but hey, at least no one could accuse me of being a waste of space.

Oh no - not again. I am both. Work two days a week from home in a job which pays me well but is pretty undemanding and allows me to manage my own time. The other days I arse about doing whateve I fancy. Bit of shopping, bit of cooking, bit of MNetting, reading the paper, not much cleaning, seeing friends, pleasing my bloody self. So there.

Sm - fantastic!

I don't know what I am. I think I'm about to be a WOHM but it might only last until August.

It really scares me when people talk about how much harder it gets to arrange childcare once they get to school. As it is, I feel pretty impoverished by the thought of the childcare I am about to shell out income for...

I think I had it all summed up succinctly early on when I said mumsnet was full of wankers.

LOVING the SM WOHM/SAHM bunfight explanation to the newbie.

I agree OP. Lazy kept arses the lot of them. You are very brave to stand up and say so.

The original OP was just bloody stupid.

And if everyone had just answered in similar terms, then I think all would be well.

But it took around four posts before someone started in with belittling working Mums.
Everything from the fact that they are stupid mugs, to the usual shite about thier poor children.

I'm not a WOHM. I'm lucky in that I can do what I love flexibly from home, around the kids. Lucky, lucky, lucky.

But by God, I will support working Mums to the hilt. For wihtout them we would be truly fucked.

yes i have an expectation of being able to pay mortgage and fill fridge.how stoopid of me to fall for the lame ole social construct

Our sisters long ago fought to give us the right to choose. Now we have the illusion of choice. With little acknowledgement that our choices are limited. Yes, the expectation has flipped and we are expected to make a financial contribution. Women are looked down upon and blamed if they have "too many" children or children too close together in age leading to the cost of childcare being too much. Our contribution at home is so often not valued. Sadly at this point I feel I have to tell stangers on the internet that even though I think it is valuable to be 'just'SAHM, and also vauable to work for money full time as well as everything else, I work for money part time. Because some will look down on women who are not "economically active". Some will think that I am only saying this to justify SAHMs. How sad and dissapointed our sisters long ago would be to see the unsisterly fighting over who is superior. And how glad to see there are still women who stick together and acknowledge the limits of and difficulties of working for a wage. That see it often isn't a choice but an expectation to earn money. That there are also women who do not judge and belittle other women.

Oh there's a ton of milage yet.

Someone will bring up a nursery they once visited where the children were handcuffed to their chairs.

Someone else will say their next door neighbour's Auntie's step daughter is a crack addled muslim terrorist, which can all be traced back to her Mother going back to work.

Sorry if I missed this earlier, but the OP doesn't actually know what she is talking about, does she? If she has one preschooler than she has no idea about arranging holiday childcare, before and after school care, holiday care etc and she has no idea what input older children need after school. For myself, I worked until DC1 was 10 and now I don't. I used to be able to buy excellent childcare, but the ages they are now, I can't. Feel smug all you like, I had a good professional career, now I don't. I'm fine with that.

the why have em line.i love it and of course the precious moments mamas speech too-they wouldnt ever want to put maximus into nursery with feral staff or miss any widdle precious moments

OOoh goody. I was worried I'd missed out.

I've already encountered a (now ex) friend in RL who got pregnant same time as me (am currently on maternity leave) and said when 12 weeks preg - "why have children if you are going to send them to nursery".

I haven't spoken to her since.

working/sahm fight is mn perennial.aint over til

a. someone says well why have children if you cant be bothered looking after them

B. bangs the biddulph tambourine,and quotes something from shitsville uni

c. martyr mum regales a story of how they gave up shampoo,telly,eating,sold house and down sized forego all consumer durables (except mn of course), knit their own tampooons and strain youghurt through their tights for the children

plenty more life in ole thread yet

frgr, we had that set up at home pretty much too. an over involved mother and a loving but doesn't have a clue father. next week my mum is having an operation and i know we are all going to have to rally round to look after dad more than mum.

however we now seem to have shifted to the same pattern. dh works huge hours and i am at home. we came to the conclusion that if the kids only see dh for 10 mins a day in the week that if i was to go back to work, it would be the same and then you have to wonder the effect on the kids. but i am lucky and know i am to have the choice. ideally i would love to have the set up where we both work 3-4 days and juggle childcare between us, hopefully the next generation will get that balance but we haven't been able to at this point in our lives/careers.

mrsmarple, these things don't end. they just fizzle out.

This is hilarious!

My first ever SAHM/WOHM mumsnet fiiiight.

What is funniest is that loads of the posts in favour of working mothers are sent during working hours!!

Pure genius.

When/How do these things tend to end?

Can't be arsed reading the thread but fuck off back into your deluded little castle in the sky.... Prat.

You are sooooooo jealous OP.

BTW I do mean "expected." It was awful that so many gifted, able women were trapped as mothers and housewives when they hated it and longed to work, just due to societal expectation. I simply feel that the expectation is now flipped, and women do more for less credit. The SAH vrs WOTH thing is bonkers IMO. You can't win either way, and if there were a genuine choice as opposed to finances forcing a lot of women back to the workplace long before they/their kids were ready, then that would be real progress.

yanbu wanting a career but yabu looking down on those who dont have one cant have one or dont want one , and i would keep that attitude to yourself when you do go for a job , my mum was a sahm and she was there every night to pick us up the tea was made she was relaxed and happy and ready to play with us or help with homework and we had a beautifully tidy home to go to , it may not be the lifestyle for everyone but she was happy and so were we and the idea of someone like you looking down on her makes me feel very

scottishmummy I am too. Eating and roofs over heads, you know. I don't feel guilty, either. But I do wonder how it is that emancipation is now being expected to do everything my grandmother did plus paid employment, too.

GetOrfMoiLand I prefer to knit my own mooncup, personally. From lentils. Hemp itches.

frfr for you, glad you got the chance even under horrible circumstances to have more one on one time with your df! I used to book parents even for a time that my ex could work around getting to in the evenings!

of course capitalism flawed,but hell i'll take my chances.and keep working like a donkey